Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this girl deserves some help to pay for her mother's funer

164 replies

insancerre · 19/03/2017 14:41

This is so sad
m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155916416985898&substory_index=0&id=67764650897
Her mum died and she can't get the ashes until she's paid off the funeral debt
Can anyone help her with her fundraising?

OP posts:
OP posts:
OP posts:
MyNunsMet · 19/03/2017 14:47

I just donated.

The last thing she needs is this additional worry.

I have made sure my children won't be burdened by my death and I think it's irresponsible to not plan ahead when you're a parent.

Within a month of being pregnant, DH and I sort wills and set up a specific bank account for our child(ren) to ensure they were at best, not financially out of pocket should we die. We got life insurance and health insurance and generally acted like adults.

deblet · 19/03/2017 14:51

Unfortunately we could not even afford to pay the rent when I became pregnant unexpectedly let alone pay for lots of insurances. I have a funeral plan now with specific instructions I am to be cremated in a cheap box and no showiness. In this case the daughter should have said I won't take responsibility for the funeral and the council would have just dealt with it. It awful that the government funeral grant does not cover the cost of a basic funeral for people such as this. Poor girl.

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 14:54

Poor girl. My heart goes out to her.

MyNunsMet · 19/03/2017 14:56

It awful that the government funeral grant does not cover the cost of a basic funeral for people such as this.

It is. It's also a shame that being a responsible adult isn't a prerequisite to bearing children.

You should ensure you can afford basic needs (rent) can be met before getting pregnant. You should also make provision for your children.

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 14:57

Bit of compassion, Nuns, yeah?

MyNunsMet · 19/03/2017 14:58

Plenty lavender. I donated money and feel for girl left behind.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 14:59

It's also a shame that being a responsible adult isn't a prerequisite to bearing children

Yes, no-one should have a child until they have saved enough to pay for 2 funerals, and every other eventuality you can think of.
Children for the rich only then, yeah?

Hmm
lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 14:59

Good.

Blackpool is amongst the most poverty stricken wards in the country. This woman raised a child entirely and completely alone, and she raised her well enough that the girl went to university.

Yes, ideally we all should have certain things in place before getting pregnant but sometimes people don't and well, it's shit but it's life.

MyNunsMet · 19/03/2017 15:02

Children for the rich only then, yeah?

Rich enough to provide for you children and reasonable eventualities. Death is guaranteed and so it's reasonable you account for it.

Yes, I think it is entirely irresponsible to have a child when unable to provide for them and care for them (and that includes financially).

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 15:04

death is guaranteed

Not usually at the age of 44.

I agree in theory. But truthfully most people just don't think of it.

youarenotkiddingme · 19/03/2017 15:04

The most heart rendering it is if she wasn't at uni and studying hard and hadn't saved over a grand she'd have had the funeral paid or be facing an even longer wait for her mums ashes.

A young girl has lost her mother suddenly. Less judging would be nice.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 15:05

Are you seriously suggesting that when I had my first child at the age of 27, I should have specifically have already planned for my funeral costs, and had an abortion had I not had 3k put aside for that?

Are you entirely out of your mind?

deblet · 19/03/2017 15:05

Yes when you are told you can't get pregnant but just in case take the pill and one little sucker still gets through that makes you a very bad person Still if we were all perfect life would be boring eh?.

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 15:06

Just as an FYI most funeral directors are happy for you to start a funeral payment plan which is very little but does bring peace of mind with it.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 15:09

Why would I start a funeral plan with a specific business when I'm hoping I'll live another 60 years, and not be in the same place then? How does that sound like a good plan?

gabsdot · 19/03/2017 15:10

I have made sure my children won't be burdened by my death and I think it's irresponsible to not plan ahead when you're a parent.

I agree with this although insurance does seem like a luxury sometimes.

At least weekly my someone on my facebook page posts to an appeal for help with funeral expenses, (all in America). I think this girl is more deserving of help than any of the other ones I've seen although I'm surprised that there aren't other family members that could contribute.
Who would have paid if her mother had died when she was 15 or 16.

Original poster
insancerre · 19/03/2017 15:13

My brother died at 17 nearly 30 years ago and I remember my parents struggling to pay for his funeral
I think that this young girl deserves all the help we can give her
I really hope she manages to finish her course and escapes Blackpool

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/03/2017 15:13

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/bills/article-2545230/What-not-money-pay-loved-ones-funeral.html

What if I absolutely cannot pay at all?
The local authority or hospital trust will provide a Public Health Funeral. Once called a pauper’s funeral, these do not have the same social stigma as perhaps they once had.
A survey from the University of Bath concluded: ‘A feeling of shame associated with not being able to afford a funeral is not universal. Interviews with local authority employees tasked with organising Public Health Funerals suggest there may be an emerging trend of individuals or families unwilling to organise and pay for a funeral of a deceased family member, usually as a result of estrangement.
'This reluctance to pay for a funeral is not necessarily accompanied by feelings of social stigma.’
These services are small, but dignified.

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 15:14

You know many funeral directors' are national?

And 'how does that sound like a good plan' because losing your parents unexpectedly is very sad and upsetting and expensive.

It feels AWFUL having to quibble about money when your heart hurts from grief.

Italiangreyhound · 19/03/2017 15:14

This is so sad. I will send something and promote it.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/03/2017 15:17

The first things we did as a married couple were
(a) joint bank account
(b) make wills
(c) take out funeral policies

Independent funeral directors are one of the largest groups of business to go bankrupt; this is why they often want money up front.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 15:17

My sister and I took out a loan when our mother died suddenly when were in our early 20's. It happens to a lot of people.

I still don't see how giving money to a national chain will be of any use to anyone when all going well I'll die decades from now some where sunny and hot. It's not a sensible plan for most people. And insurance policy or specific savings account would be better advice if you want to give it.

lavenderandrose · 19/03/2017 15:21

I don't think this lady was married.

I'm sorry to hear that spartacus; I am mildly perplexed as to why you're leaping down my throats when my post was simply meant to be informative (hence I began it with FYI)

Personally if I have children I just don't want them having to potentially sort out my funeral.