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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this girl deserves some help to pay for her mother's funer

164 replies

insancerre · 19/03/2017 14:41

This is so sad
m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155916416985898&substory_index=0&id=67764650897
Her mum died and she can't get the ashes until she's paid off the funeral debt
Can anyone help her with her fundraising?

OP posts:
contemporaneouscontemps · 20/03/2017 11:43

Jade, you should be proud of yourself; you've acted with maturity and dignity in an awful unexpected situation, and sadly have been penalised for doing the all the 'right' things eg saving, focusing on your education, and also taking responsibility for your mothers funeral. You have proven at 18 your are a more intelligent, responsible and compassionate person than many on this thread.
I am so sorry for your loss and wish you all the best for your future

insancerre · 20/03/2017 12:07

Jade
I'm sorry to had to read the negative posts
That wasn't my intention and I'm sorry for linking the thread

OP posts:
Jade260898 · 20/03/2017 12:12

It wasn't your fault, it's just negative people and you have help raised a lot of the money that has been donated, you have nothing to be sorry for❤

GrumpyOldBlonde · 20/03/2017 12:16

Hi Jade,
I'm so sorry about your lovely mum. I think the necklace is a wonderful idea and hope very much that you achieve this.
Your mum would, I'm sure be very proud of you, and I wish you well for the future and hope you go on to have the wonderful life she would have wanted for you Flowers

lazyleo · 20/03/2017 12:24

I'm sorry for your loss Jade what an awful position to find yourself in.
To the poster who indicated that it would be responsible to have life insurance when you have children, I have to be honest, I completely agree but perhaps it could be said more sensitively in the context of this thread or conversation. To those who responded with, 'what only have children if you are rich' I say that is an over-reaction.
My mum was a single mum, in one of the most deprived areas of the city I grew up in, but I knew about insurance from a young age, because it was paid every week to the man from the Co-operative. Because her parents had a policy its what she did when she had me; it wasn't the biggest maybe £2 a month back then but it was as important as the rent and TV licence. It just is a bill that cannot be ignored. My mum bought the bread when it wass cheap at the end of the night and crispy pancakes when they were on special offer. Some nights we had corned beef and beans for dinner. Now I realise that was probably the end of the week when the money was gone. Sadly it appears that many people, and not neccessarily all, make choices with regards spending priorities that many cannot understand. I know a (family member of mine) who is a single mum to four young kids and complains about not being able to afford this and that but can keep a dog and pay vet bills. Ultimately that is her choice to do so, and the dog is now a part of her family set up, but you can't be complaining about not being able to afford to pay for say -life insurance - if you chose to spend your money on something else. We all make our own choices and are responsible for them. Insurance is one of those things that we don't see the benefit off, and is, I believe, in the main way way too expensive anyway, but thats the sad thing, you leave those behind to sort out a mess when they are quite possibly at their most vulnerable and least able to make informed decisions. Having a bit of insurance to at least cover some, if not all of the costs, at least helps a bit. My own mum who is in her early 60s has no pension (except minimum state pension) because she couldn't afford to pay in when she was a single parent (to those who say it was only 5/10% of salary that was the difference between paying the rent or not) but she prioritised insurance over pension. Now I worry about whether I'll be financially supporting her when she is older and no longer able to earn. A very interesting debate and I certainly hope not to offend anyone, I can see so many viewpoints in it.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 20/03/2017 12:47

Jade, lots of unMumnetty hugs, both for your bravery and dignity and to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum.

Please ignore the holier-than-thou posters, whose lives may be perfectly ordered and prepared for any eventuality but who have no humanity and compassion - which it sounds like your mum had by the bucketful and so do you.

Final thought, as a uni lecturer, please take all the help your tutors and uni generally can give. You sound very strong and determined, but don't believe that you have to get through this on your own or you're a failure.

NeverTwerkNaked · 20/03/2017 13:48

Jade, I'm sorry you have had to see some of the awful comments you have made.
The necklace sounds like a lovely way to remember her xxx

NeverTwerkNaked · 20/03/2017 13:49

(Not "you have made"!! I mean "some posters have made" !)

Your mum sounds like a great mother xx

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 20/03/2017 13:56

What a vile thread. Some of you oh-so-old-and-wise posters should be ashamed of yourselves. Next time you post your superior bile on the internet, think about who might come along and read it.

Jade - I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best for the weeks, months and years ahead.

BabychamSocialist · 20/03/2017 15:02

I donated too.

I think it's disgraceful how much a funeral costs. In Switzerland they were free until a couple of years ago, and even now they're only 200 francs.

The government should fund a standard funeral for everybody who wants one. If you want more, you pay the extra. I doubt there'd be a sudden rush for people wanting free funerals! I know the social fund exists but it barely covers it and you have to apply for it, and it's only if you get a state benefit.

I've told my kids to just stick me in a bin bag and burn me for all I care. I refuse to give thousands of pounds to a funeral director who is basically making money from the fact you can't get buried for free.

BarbaraofSeville · 20/03/2017 15:14

That price must be heavily subsidised and possibly there will be costs on top for optional extras that most people would want to have like family limousines, flowers, funeral teas, a service and celebrant and music Babycham.

I can't see our government providing free funerals in the current economic climate.

The deceased has to be transported even if no family travel in funeral cars, the crematorium costs money to run, the body has to be prepared for cremation, I'm sure there are a lot of regulations to be complied with, everything costs so someone needs to pay for it.

TheFirstMrsDV · 20/03/2017 16:37

Jade do no concentrate on the negative comments. Its always a risk when you turn to social media for help.

YOu need to ignore them and focus on the support you have been given. The important thing is that people are donating to your cause.

Flowers
lucyandpoppy123 · 20/03/2017 16:49

People insinuating she had a funeral out of her price range - even a simple cremation with the most inexpensive coffin etc costs thousands.

Until my dad died recently I had no idea funerals cost so much, the price has increased massively in the last few years.

If you are on certain benefits etc you can get some help towards costs but it doesn't even cover a basic cremation. I have seen numerous sources suggesting to collect the body from the morgue yourself, or if the person died at home to 'keep them in a cold room' to avoid undertakers fees. I think its all kinds of wrong that there isn't more help towards funeral costs and people have no options but to do that.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 20/03/2017 16:53

Thoughts are with Jade.

Some of the posts on this thread are among the most disgusting I have ever seen in my 10 years on Mumsnet. I am speechless.

lucyandpoppy123 · 20/03/2017 16:53

Jade Just seen you have commented, so sorry you had to read some of the awful comments here, but glad you have reached your goal!

I'm 23 and my dad passed away suddenly to a heart attack a few weeks ago, it is awful and I'm sorry you've lost a parent this way too.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 20/03/2017 17:41

jade I know you've reached your goal, and brilliantly in time for Mother's Day, but I've donated anyway because I would like to see you get back your savings too and be able to get the necklace you would like have made. Please stop reading the idiotic comments on this thread, and spend your time doing what you should be doing, grieving and being an 18 year old. I'm glad OP posted this because I wouldn't have seen this where I live otherwise, and for me this is exactly the kind of thing Just Giving et al is for. Slavo you're brilliant, keep doing what you're doing and you should also ignore the poison on here and concentrate on the good.
I've been a bit shocked at some people's attitudes on this thread tbh. Is it just because you're faceless and on a social media site that you feel the need and the power to post such shite? Well done you, hope you all feel better now.
Best wishes Jade.

Slavo1981 · 20/03/2017 19:15

Thanks again for kind words , keep sharing xxxxxx

wannabestressfree · 20/03/2017 21:52

Wow just caught up on the thread. Jade if we can help just post privately. I can't have life insurance and they have just paid my pension out so I can sort my funeral etc. If you link me the details for the necklace I will pay for it.

Starlight2345 · 20/03/2017 22:31

Jade...Ignore those who don't live in the real world and lack compassion because they are online.

It sounds like you had an amazing bond and something you will always treasure.

Your mum will be very proud of you..

I am glad you also have someone there supporting you at this difficult time

SabineUndine · 21/03/2017 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Slavo1981 · 21/03/2017 01:05

Wannabe aww thanks for the offer but the necklace is £295 , the thought was lovely though , yes she as reached her limit but I hope goes beyond so can get her Davi fa back, it took her along time for them and her mum would be so upset knowing had to use them as she was wanting a car to help travel to uni which is a good 30 min drive or 1 and a half hour bus , thanks for everyone last donations and words x

NeverTwerkNaked · 21/03/2017 04:31

I hope she raises more too, she will have worked hard to build up those savings - well done Jade. I've been there with the long journey by public transport and it is exhausting, hope you can get driving soon Flowers

noeffingidea · 21/03/2017 07:28

Direct cremations at £1095, anywhere in the country, if anyone is interested.
This is what I will have, though hopefully not for a long time.
Best wishes to Jade.

Slavo1981 · 21/03/2017 08:35

I'm absolutely shocked at the amount jade as raised , and the kind donations she as now received £2125 and I want to say a huge thank you to you all that made this possible either by sharing or kind words and donations , xxxx