School rewarding 8 yr olds for bad behaviour

[Pugwash2005]

My ds and his friends have been complaining because the 4 'naughty' children in their class have a tea party every Friday afternoon if they get over 12 'smileys' in a week, 2 'good' children are also picked to go along. There was an incident in school with one of the challenging pupils but he was still allowed to the party. Ds & I along with other mums think this party is making other children feel they are not rewarded for their good behaviour along with the fact that even when naughty these 4 kids get rewarded. Your opinions on this would be great

Unfortunately from my experience of dcs school this is how it is. At my daughters leavers assembly the good citizenship trophy went to a boy who had been threatened with expulsion the week before!!
They need strategies to cope with disruptive pupils and if this works then that's what they will do. I explained to my DD that some children find sitting still and being quiet as hard as she finds advanced maths!!!
I also feel that if the more difficult pupils ARE behaving through these strategies then it benefits my children too as they are able to learn without the distraction of other children misbehaving.
It's not ideal but if it works then it works

I don't think it's the done thing to punish children now. It's all about behaviour manipulation now and it's also taken for granted that good kids will behave well regardless, so they end up being taken for granted.

People believe that developing good self esteem and encouraging rather than punishing is better at helping a misbehaving child behave, but the reality often is that they just see it as an easy ride and then get to take the piss because there's no punishment anyway.

This is why my well behaved child has had to be withdrawn from school due to chronic bullying (and ongoing class disruption) and the bullies being mollycoddled and 'reasoned with' rather than punished

This has been going on for years now and has probably contributed to the unpleasant, selfish me, me, me speshul snowflake population we now have.

The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life. A small sense of injustice is worth it if the teachers can help the children who present with challenging behaviour have these things too.

That's awful behaviour management and should be challenged.

I understand the reward approach but why are they rewarded even after an incident? My ds is genuinely happy when they get rewarded with the highest number of smilies per day & reports back to me each day as to whether an incident has occurred or if they've had a good day.

Firstly these children are not 'naughty' they probably have ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum.

We use similar rewards in our class for the children like this who struggle to manage. Might be worth talking to your daughter about the fact that everyone is different, and some children need more support to make the right choices and manage changes to routine. I would imagine that whilst you think the tea party is a huge elaborate treat, it is actually a social group to aid these children in fitting in. Teaching them turn taking, conversational skills, managing their emotions etc. I know from a child's point of view it appears unfair but in reality your child is learning that some children are different to her and need a different approach to help them cope. The children in our class are now 10 years old and now offer support to their peers, offering compliments when they make good choices and telling the adults if they have noticed them doing something really well and deserving to gain a tick on their sheet. It might seem unfair at the minute but school are just doing all they can to support and include all children.

helpimitchy ...sorry to hear that bullying should not be tolerated!

I'd agree this is the way a lot of schools are managed (and it doesn't work from what I see). Another school I know puts many resources into tricky kids in the first year or two to help with socialisation. They have much better behaviour in the later years because the kids feel they belong (that's what a couple to teacher friends tell me).

Please don't encourage your son to report back, I have a boy in my class who is very concerned about whether other children have been 'good' or not and it's tiresome, he ends up concentrating on that rather than his own work.

Your DS seems a bit obsessed with the naughty children why does he report back every day. I'd probably say to DD 'how would you like to be in that group' and she would be . I think 8 is old enough to understand that being with the majority is the best outcome and to concentrate on yourself and not others.

The school have to cope somehow with very challenging children. I would be more worried about them disputing dd's education/ making her life a misery. If she was happy then meh.

whatsleep
I haven't labelled these children the kids in the class call them this hence the ''
I worked alongside some these children in they are challenging but were managing to control themselves in previous years

Your child gives you a daily report about other children's behaviour?

"The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life."

As the mother of two children without behavioural problems, I absolutely agree with this.

What do you mean by "I worked alongside some of these children"?

Please tell me you weren't TA in these children's class and are now discussing their behaviour with your child?

I work in a school and see this happening all too often much to the annoyance of many of my colleagues. It undermines the teachers as the children aren't afraid of sanctions as going to the Headteacher's office usually results in an hour spent colouring or playing with lego.

This sounds shit. I think it's just going to teach the rest of the class to not give a shit because they will never be offered the same rewards as those 4. It's a bit like collective punishment.

TheTAW

How come you work in a school and yet don't understand how your school manages challenging behaviour?

In what way is it like collective punishment chelby?

I volunteer at an external group

I have an 8yo dd she likes to keep me updated on 'naughty' children as well as her own exploits. She is a well behaved at school and consideration a good role model. She came home with a certificate for being a " kind and caring friend" this week. But she is not an authority on the schools behaviour management policy.

If you are concerned have a look at the schools policies, ask the class teacher and senior leadership team to explain how they manage unwanted behaviour. But don't expect your dc to really know the context of everything.

I always believe and support my dc but I also understand their fixed and self centered point of view. More information, less judgement always helps.