School rewarding 8 yr olds for bad behaviour

[Pugwash2005]

My ds and his friends have been complaining because the 4 'naughty' children in their class have a tea party every Friday afternoon if they get over 12 'smileys' in a week, 2 'good' children are also picked to go along. There was an incident in school with one of the challenging pupils but he was still allowed to the party. Ds & I along with other mums think this party is making other children feel they are not rewarded for their good behaviour along with the fact that even when naughty these 4 kids get rewarded. Your opinions on this would be great

So you know these children from an out of school activity and discuss their behaviour with your child? Do you see anything wrong in that?

It is a difficult one.
Because if the dc involved then knuckle down with work, and behave themselves it is beneficial for the whole class.
If they lose the reward at the beginning of the week and can't earn it back then they may behave badly for the rest of the week.

It can be difficult. I remember helping with one of my dc's classes on Friday morning. They had one little lad in there who was lovely, but a bit of a handful, and if he got 10 stickers over the week then he got a certificate. Problem was if he had only a couple up to that point, it used to become a bit of a sticker fest. "You said thank you nicely, I'll give you a sticker" "You were sitting on the carpet with your legs crossed, I'll give you a sticker", "You've a nice smile... have a sticker..."
He almost always got the certificate.

I did feel a bit uncomfortable at times because it was so obvious to me. But I never heard a single child (or parent, so I assume the children didn't mention it at home either) complain. And it did work. You could see the determination in his eyes to do his best when he realised he was close on 10 stickers.

As dd1 put it succinctly in year R. "To get the most stickers you need to be naughty in the morning, then you get stickers for not being naughty in the afternoon"

"The 'good' children are rewarded with happy school days, good friendships, good grades, future success and generally every chance of a happy life." THIS!

Until you've had a "naughty" child yourself, you don't have any right to comment!

Fuck off with your judgement, you've literally got no idea what your talking about

Sadly, this will be tomorrows workplace too as expectations are being set. Horrible thought.

4 'naughty' children in their class have a tea party every Friday afternoon if they get over 12 'smileys' in a week, 2 'good' children are also picked to go along.

So the reward does include 2 children without behavioural issues, so the school do reward the "good" children too.

It isn't up to you and the other parents to decide what the behaviour threshold is for the 4 children to receive the reward. If you feel your child is demotivated, then speak to the class teacher. Even if when you worked alongside side them they were able to manage their behaviour, things can change especially as the academic and behavioural demands increase as they progress up the school.

A well supported child benefits the whole class as it will reduce disruption and free up teaching time. If the school feel this system is working, consider if it were to be removed at parents protest, (I hope they wouldn't capitulate to your demands btw) would it really be in your own child's best interests?

I have similar problems with my sons class. They have a traffic light scheme. This week my son worked really hard and went up to 'silver' 4 days out of 5. He's never achieved it before and was thrilled. The achievement certificate on Friday went to the same boy who gets it virtually every other week, as he had managed to stay on green for a whole day
I do understand the rationale behind it and try to accept it's just the way schools work, but it does still make me feel a little sad for my children who get no recognition ever.

In a separate incident we had some bullying issues this year. We spoke to the school and it was dealt with by my sons bully receiving a certificate at the end of that same week for friendship. The bullying stopped so it worked, but dh and I were a bit.. wtf?

My DS would probably be a 'naughty child' in your DS's view.

If I actually thought you were interested in the 'why', (and your thinking might be modified as a result) I'd spend a few minutes explaining why these behaviour management strategies are put in place for my DS

But I'm not sure that you are/it will be.

If the rule is 12 smileys gets an invite, theb even the one who misbehaved in the week should still have gone if he had 12 smileys. Cant exactly say "this is the rule" then not stick to it, OP.

This. And explained to the children in my school too.

Little children are going to get confused when they think they see other children being rewarded for 'bad' behaviour.
Mainly as we ( as parents) constantly remind them to behave.
I supported a child with severe behavioural issues. I'd sometimes take him to eat his lunch as a picnic - the hall was too much for him.
I remembered seeing the other disappointed faces from the lunch hall.
It is a fine balance- l think most support and some teaching staff are as perplexed as the children.
I say some teachers, as many l worked with didn't care one way or the other.
Who could blame them? The stress they had just to gain/ show results with the NT children was enough of a challenge!
There need to be more specialist units. With staff that truly understand the needs of children with educational needs.
It needs to be less of a fight for parents of children like this , when needing a more appropriate setting.
Many 1:1 TAs have zero understanding of their child - and unfortunately no interest.
In my experience, mainstream school only suits a very small number of children that have additional needs.

I don't discuss their behaviour with my child I ask if he's had a good day in school & he tells me

If the reward is for 12 smileys and they got them then I would assume the other incident was dealt with separately. Explain to your child that for a variety of reasons some children find it very challenging to meet the behaviour expectations at school. They may not have a good home life, they may have a hidden disability. Explain to your child how lucky they are that they have better circumstances and find it relatively easy to meet expectations. I can understand a child seeing this as unjust but you, as an adult, should have some empathy to be able to understand and explain this to your child in an age appropriate way. Make sure your child is rewarded for things that are challenging to them at home. The school need to use strategies to limit classroom disruption for the benefit of all pupils. No doubt you'd be up in arms if they weren't using this strategy and your child was bearing the brunt of worse behaviour so the school can't win really can they?

I don't think this is fair unless this is a strategy used for students with very specific needs. Good behaviour should be a basic expectation. It isn't fair for students who behave day in, day out, to see such a high profile reward given to students who do no more than they do. If a reward needs to be given on this basis, it should be given for sustained improvement over time.

I don't discuss their behaviour with my child I ask if he's had a good day in school & he tells me

So them you take that information to discuss on a public forum.

user0000000001
I'm asking for opinions & ready to listen & learn how to explain to ds & his friends why these children are being rewarded

You probably need to talk to your children about why these "naughty" children behave this way, and get them to think a little differently and perhaps build up more tolerance. "Naughty" children behave the way they do for a reason - nature (autism, ADHD, mental health issues) or nurture (chaotic home life, witnessing domestic violence, abuse, neglect). How wonderful that your children are healthy, happy and balanced so they don't need intervention at this young age. The future for children with challenging behaviour is uncertain and potentially bleak.
You can "reward" your children's behaviour if you so desire, tell them how proud you are and how well they are doing, take them out for ice cream or a trip to Alton Towers. And think about children whose parents might not give a tiny shit about what they are doing and how sad it is that at their young age they are already so sad and angry.

Children go through a faze of wanting to 'report' back. It doesn't last forever.

Trifle - a quick look at the equality/equity photo above will answer your question

It's a tough one. My kids go to s small village school. I remember dd1 asking why boy got a smiley for sitting on the carpet quietly when she did that every day with no recognition. Fast forward to year 5, still the same band of trouble makers. The school have then all a lot of responsibility, of captain of reception class etc, involving shepherding the little ones in from play time etc. T he results were amazing, nasty boys got much much nicer, much less menacing. The school kept very on top of it, and it still working in march.
Much better than giving a treat tea party, no piss taking, the boys seem to see themselves in a new light, and that is strongly reflected in their behaviour.

high profile reward given to students who do no more than they do

This comment shows complete lack of understanding of kids with additional needs/behavioural problems.

They are doing more. Substantially more than the other kids to just sit nicely, and behave.

hippyhippyshake: I don't need this to be explained to me. I understand the idea. I don't agree with it.

My DS used to complain that the naughty kids got rewarded all the time. Also what happens when these poor children enter the real world? They usually end up just getting fired. Not really teaching them life skills. I always think it would be better that they do some hands on skill. Have a sen teacher that does woodwork, craft, plumbing, cooking, electrical wiring, gardening, bike maintenence to give them a head start rather than a fucking tea party.

trifle that migh never happen for some children. They don't understand what is being expected. They will never have a chance to build up anything
Exactly why we need better provision for these poor children. More dedicated staff and specialist schools.

It could be seen as a class reward as the disruptive children are taken out for a while - maybe they have golden time and these children can't cope with free play - this is why a lot of kids find the playground difficult as there's no structure!

I would suggest that this party is very civilised- sit at a table talk pass buscuits etc - maybe they don't have that at home?

More than likely these children will have set targets - and have a social story built into the party (some kids are never invited to parties)

Their parents have probably been through the mill asking for support

I doubt it's a reward but target based!

You know you can have a tea party for your son after school in a Friday if you wanted!! Invite his friends for a quick play