Fuming at DD's unexpected visitor

[bloodyfuming9]

This is more of a wtf post than AIBU. Have name changed too.

This morning at about 7.20 I get out of bed and approach her bedroom door with no clothes on to ask 17 year old dd ( who is dressed) to answer the front door bell. As she comes out of her room, I glimpse a lad standing there! He also sees me in all my naked glory!

I'm so shocked, I say 'is there someone in your room?' to which she says 'No' although there is no doubt there is a person, so this is lie number 1. I retreat, still being naked, and tell her to get him out of the house immediately, which she does. It turns out that it's a lad she met last summer, that she had a flirtation with, and that she still talks to on Instagram etc. I'll call him Barney. He lives about 15 miles way, but is at college in our town. She tells me that he called by this morning having spent the night at a friends house nearby. I wasn't sure whether I believed this, but she assures me she was telling the truth. I don't really believe her. I have a shout at her for not telling me that there's someone in the house as it's not unusual for me to walk around with no clothes etc, although usually I get up after she's left the house to go to college.

Anyway, I now think he arrived at our house last night, as she closed the curtains at the back just before she went to bed at about 11pm, which she has never done. We live in a ground floor flat and there's a door from her bedroom into the garden which can be accessed from the side of the house. She never uses this door and tends to clutter up the entrance to it, but having just been into her room now, the access is clear, there's a few leaves inside, and the door is unlocked! What's more, the key isn't in the lock where it always is kept, as it's a fire exit, if ever needed. I'm now wondering if this is a regular occurrence and how long it's been going on, and whether he has the door key! We were away for a long weekend, and I'm even wondering if he was here while we were away!

I'm so upset that dd has been so devious and also lied to me. She's been a pretty trouble free teenager up to now, but this feels so disrespectful to me, and has also compromised the security of our home, by leaving the door unlocked today.

Any thoughts please on how best to handle this with her?

[HattiesBackpack]

I think that this incident has got your spidey sense tingling - why was DD sneaking him in, not telling you about him etc.
I think YANBU to be cross that he was in your home without your knowledge BUT I think it may be worth trying to keep calm about it and see if you can get DD to open up a bit about him, then you can advise her accordingly.

[shesnotme]

Over reaction. Shes 17. Talk to het.

[expatinscotland]

'I've never wandered around the house naked. But if you see some of my other posts on here I'm a bit of a prude.'

And some of us who live in flats in densely populated areas may be giving the neighbours an eyeful or providing some fun for their social media accounts if the curtains aren't closed.

[bloodyfuming9]

SEmyarse- Why does it say 'upstairs only' in relation to the nakedness habit when in the first post you say you live in a ground floor flat?

I live in a ground floor flat. Someone else made the comment that being naked upstairs (in their home) is ok.

[KatieScarlett]

I'm usually naked upstairs.
My house, my aged tits and saggy arse.

[hardboiled]

Sometimes I feel like a live in an alternate universe. So most people think that a 17 year old girl opening the back door to a stranger in the night without permission to do so and lying about it is normal and OK. And most people think the OP is overreacting and should chill out...cause the girl is 17. Like if 17 were, I don't know, the summit of maturity.

OP, YANBU. When DS is old enough, he will have to either find a place, or ask for permission, introduce the girl to us and earn the right - a right I never had growing up. And weekdays are school days anyway. We all work hard the next day and there will be no night guests in this house.

[LanaorAna1]

It's more than reasonable to

• be naked at home
  
• know who is in said home
  
• keep doors locked to home.
  

Time for a row about those 3 and then tackle the sneaky shag however you want.

I would want to have seen a boy rather more times in my house than one I've never clapped eyes on before he rolls up at midnight for a booty call. That goes for ditzy me aged 17 and parent-y me aged 49, by the way.

[bloodyfuming9]

MaryMorpho

I've told DD that 'Barney' isn't welcome in the house for the foreseeable future, whatever the time of the day or night. She can meet him outside if she wants to see him.

DD has admitted that 'Barney' did stay the night. Has apologised but I'm not convinced that she's very genuine. Doesn't seem to appreciate that the sneakiness, lies and betrayal of my trust are important issues for me.

She had the key to the back door on her keyring- I don't know why, and wonder if she was planning more comings or goings. Have said that I will be making regular spot checks in future, and that she has jeopardised the trust element in our relationship. Have also cancelled a mother and daughter night out on Friday with her friend and friend's mother, which we were both looking forward to.

[wtffgs]

It's really not ridiculous to expect to know who is in your own house!

This.

[MadMags]

I would take the key off her altogether.

God, when I think of what could have happened to her. And you, come to think of it!

She's 17 but obviously not old enough to have a modicum of sense about people she knows primarily through the internet!

[MaisyPops]

It's more than reasonable to

*- be naked at home

• know who is in said home
  
• keep doors locked to home.*
  

This so much. Whilst I'd not like that much nakedness its not awful (they way some people go on).

OP has the right to know who is in her house and her house is secure.

[beargrass]

YANBU. I had to ask if I could have boyfriends staying over, I didn't realise times have changed so much that so many posters think random blokes shagging their daughters who've been snuck in is OK!

I have to confess though, that I did giggle at this:

She has a private entrance to the house via her room. I've seen enough Dawson's Creek to know you make good use of that bad boy.

I bloody loved that show.

[Violetcharlotte]

I would be annoyed too! I'm ok with DS (17) having his gf over to stay, but I expect to be asked first! That way a can avoid any embarrassing situations like you had this morning.

I would not be impressed atones and sneaking around. I think you need a conversation about house rules. Good luck with that! Bloody teenagers!!

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

How old is he?

[SpreadYourHappiness]

I have no body hang ups; I love my body. I just don't think it's appropriate for parents to be naked in front of their almost adult children.

(And no, it's nothing to do with older bodies being "disgusting", because of course they're not.)

[GlomOfNit]

Wow. Is it utterly unremarkable that 17 girls are having sex? That it's assumed they are, rather than not? TBH that's what hit me between the eyes - all the comments that go along the lines of 'what do you expect, DD is 17'.

Clearly I live in the Victorian Era. Gosh.

[Doyouwantabrew]

Put some clothes on op. My 17 year old dd would freak if I wandered around naked and I would also freak if she did.

That aside no it's not on. My 17 year old had her boyfriend stop the night but we know him well, he's polite and long term for a year.

She needs a chat about security both for the house and about her own safety.

Have you chatted about contraception and been with her to get the pill etc because if not that's your much much bigger worry.

She sounds immature sneaking around but equally you need to have an honest chat about sex, ground rules and safety.

[motherinferior]

I'd assume most girls that age are having sex, yes. They certainly were when I was that age too (not quite the Victorian era but the 1970s).

[P1nkP0ppy]

Just keep your fingers crossed she hasn't had copies of the key made. Why on earth would she deliberately put it on her key ring (definitely couldn't do that by accident)

[Dagnabit]

Did I miss the bit about the OP doing naked burpees and squats in the hallway?

[motherinferior]

Oh, enough with the freaking. A spot of domestic nakedness is hardly scandalous.

[noschooll4mee]

"I think you're being given a bit ridiculous "
WTF??? I'don't go ape shit if I went in my daughters bedroom one morning and there was ano unannounced boy ! No chance

[Doyouwantabrew]

Most 17 year olds have had sex! My dmil had twins at 17 and that was in 1959.

Victorian era connect is funny as child prostitution was rife and fairly acceptable.

Teenagers have always had sex. Always

[noschooll4mee]

*I'd go