Fuming at DD's unexpected visitor

[bloodyfuming9]

This is more of a wtf post than AIBU. Have name changed too.

This morning at about 7.20 I get out of bed and approach her bedroom door with no clothes on to ask 17 year old dd ( who is dressed) to answer the front door bell. As she comes out of her room, I glimpse a lad standing there! He also sees me in all my naked glory!

I'm so shocked, I say 'is there someone in your room?' to which she says 'No' although there is no doubt there is a person, so this is lie number 1. I retreat, still being naked, and tell her to get him out of the house immediately, which she does. It turns out that it's a lad she met last summer, that she had a flirtation with, and that she still talks to on Instagram etc. I'll call him Barney. He lives about 15 miles way, but is at college in our town. She tells me that he called by this morning having spent the night at a friends house nearby. I wasn't sure whether I believed this, but she assures me she was telling the truth. I don't really believe her. I have a shout at her for not telling me that there's someone in the house as it's not unusual for me to walk around with no clothes etc, although usually I get up after she's left the house to go to college.

Anyway, I now think he arrived at our house last night, as she closed the curtains at the back just before she went to bed at about 11pm, which she has never done. We live in a ground floor flat and there's a door from her bedroom into the garden which can be accessed from the side of the house. She never uses this door and tends to clutter up the entrance to it, but having just been into her room now, the access is clear, there's a few leaves inside, and the door is unlocked! What's more, the key isn't in the lock where it always is kept, as it's a fire exit, if ever needed. I'm now wondering if this is a regular occurrence and how long it's been going on, and whether he has the door key! We were away for a long weekend, and I'm even wondering if he was here while we were away!

I'm so upset that dd has been so devious and also lied to me. She's been a pretty trouble free teenager up to now, but this feels so disrespectful to me, and has also compromised the security of our home, by leaving the door unlocked today.

Any thoughts please on how best to handle this with her?

Teenagers are known for being self conscious about their bodies, going round the house with it all hanging out would have pissed me off no end as I would have found it gross at that age.

I wouldn't have been bothered and neither of my teenaged daughters are. Everybody else doesn't automatically feel the same way you do about nakedness.

OP, has your DD explained how you were to lock the bedroom exit door when she had the key on her key ring? Does she get that she invalidates your insurance if you're burgled because someone just opened an unlocked door and walked in? Those are the issues I'd be concerned about here.

She knows Barney, so he's not some random she picked up. She now knows she needs to ask in advance if he's staying, but taking away the key for a fire exit door is potentially dangerous, and leaving it unlocked with the key removed invalidates the insurance. Can you look at a yale lock for that door, and you keep the key, so you can open it from inside if you need to, but she can't give the key to anyone else?

I was fortunate enough to grow up seeing real, normal bodies of both sexes in a safe family situation.
I learned that there was nothing shameful about nudity, it was simply a lack of clothes when they weren't required by the environment. I learned to be comfortable with my body and that it wasn't necessary to ape the idealised and artificially enhanced creatures in the media. I learned that it was normal to feed a baby in public without worrying about exposing a breast.
My family will hopefully receive the same self-confident start to life.
If you don't want your children to have those benefits, I find that rather sad. But of course it's your choice.

Teenagers are known for being self conscious about their bodies
Not my DD - hell no.
She's very proud of her body. Tiny little belly, stretch marks, tattoo's and everything else.
As she should be.
As I've taught her to be.
I'm not in too bad shape for my age either.

I can clearly see that sex at 17 in your parents' house with a guy that is not your boyfriend and your mother doesn't even know is normal and acceptable in England. Well done!