Fuming at DD's unexpected visitor

[bloodyfuming9]

This is more of a wtf post than AIBU. Have name changed too.

This morning at about 7.20 I get out of bed and approach her bedroom door with no clothes on to ask 17 year old dd ( who is dressed) to answer the front door bell. As she comes out of her room, I glimpse a lad standing there! He also sees me in all my naked glory!

I'm so shocked, I say 'is there someone in your room?' to which she says 'No' although there is no doubt there is a person, so this is lie number 1. I retreat, still being naked, and tell her to get him out of the house immediately, which she does. It turns out that it's a lad she met last summer, that she had a flirtation with, and that she still talks to on Instagram etc. I'll call him Barney. He lives about 15 miles way, but is at college in our town. She tells me that he called by this morning having spent the night at a friends house nearby. I wasn't sure whether I believed this, but she assures me she was telling the truth. I don't really believe her. I have a shout at her for not telling me that there's someone in the house as it's not unusual for me to walk around with no clothes etc, although usually I get up after she's left the house to go to college.

Anyway, I now think he arrived at our house last night, as she closed the curtains at the back just before she went to bed at about 11pm, which she has never done. We live in a ground floor flat and there's a door from her bedroom into the garden which can be accessed from the side of the house. She never uses this door and tends to clutter up the entrance to it, but having just been into her room now, the access is clear, there's a few leaves inside, and the door is unlocked! What's more, the key isn't in the lock where it always is kept, as it's a fire exit, if ever needed. I'm now wondering if this is a regular occurrence and how long it's been going on, and whether he has the door key! We were away for a long weekend, and I'm even wondering if he was here while we were away!

I'm so upset that dd has been so devious and also lied to me. She's been a pretty trouble free teenager up to now, but this feels so disrespectful to me, and has also compromised the security of our home, by leaving the door unlocked today.

Any thoughts please on how best to handle this with her?

Last two responses sums it up for me!

Sorry OP but I have to admit I had a bit of a giggle at the thought of some lad being unwittingly exposed to you in all your glory! Some day in the future, you and your DD will laugh about this. But YANBU about the door being left unlocked. Why would she sneak this boy in and lie about him if she's had boyfriends over to stay before? Total guess but maybe there's something about him she doesn't want you to know?

I sneaked a boy in when I was that age as I knew my parents would never say yes. I didn't even want to have sex with him, would have been perfectly happy for him to sleep in the spare room, but still couldn't dare ask my parents so I snuck him in when mum was working nights and I thought dad was asleep but dad heard us talking and gave us an almightly bollocking but thankfully didn't chuck the poor lad out (as he was visiting our town so would have had nowhere else to stay if he got chucked out) and in the morning my parents were polite to him but told me never to do that again.

My brother was happy though as my drama distracted my dad from realising when he and his friend came home completely stoned

My dd (24) had a friend knock on the door at 6.30am recently. She was still semi dressed so I popped down to open it. Her male friend I'd never met before just casually said 'Hi'
She had told him just to wait outside for him as they were going somewhere but he seemed to think it was fine to ring the bell!

Oh and dd and I both wander round naked or semi-naked quite often. Really not a big deal!

As a 19 year old with very liberal parents. I think your dd was disrespectful and you've every right to be annoyed.

I wonder if it's because he's not a boyfriend and more a friend with benefits arrangement and she's embarrassed to tell you that.
I definitely think a conversation is in order.

Try not to judge too harsh on the casual sex side though, it's really pretty common and if she's happy with it and taking precautions it's nothing she should feel bad about. You don't have to feel comfortable with it in your home though.

Sorry. In all honesty, I would go mad. You are completely NBU at all. It's deceptive and that opens up all kinds of doubts as to why.

I remember sneaking boy s, yes plural through my ground floor window when we lived in a bungalow

It's extraordinary that people are alarmed that the OP dared to wander around her own home naked. My daughter would be more upset about one of her friends seeing me in my pokemon onesie, which to be fair despite being comfortable, looks pretty stupid. Perhaps because we are more European than your average British family, and we all wander around with everything flapping about. (Not all the time, but on our way too and from the bathroom for example. Look, now even I am justifying myself. Ridiculous.) People clearly have different levels of issues surrounding nakedness, but really?? Each to their own.

OP, there is a small chance that she was telling the truth.
Maybe this young man has been staying over, because he needed somewhere to stay, hence her not locking the door, which is odd.
On the other hand, instead of coming on here, sit down and have a conversation with your daughter. Don't lay down the law, hear her out.
Nothing wrong with sleeping in the buff, but don your gown, when you leave the bedroom, then no further embarrassment will ensue. 😊

I walk around my own house naked quite often. I vaguely try and avoid my daughters' friends but really, it's my house and I live here. Sometimes nakedly.

Sorry, I just can't get past the 'nipped clamps and butt plug' comment!

She may be 17 and think she's an adult but that is so disrespectful. I doubt anyone here who says yabu would like to wake up to a stranger in their home

Good manners dictate that you don't sneak into someone's home/sneak boys into your mums home.

I don't think people should be dictated to by manners in situations where the other person is out of line.

Also I think it's mortifyingly rude that you ordered your daughters guest out of your home. You might not like him being that but good manners dictate that you pretend while he's there and bollock her after he has gone if you're so inclined.

Really??? Jeez, that's really stretching it for me! Firstly, I don't know if I like him or not, as I've never met him! As far as I'm concerned, he's extremely lucky to have got of our house without me giving me a huge mouthful about sneaking into my home for the night to have casual sex with my 17 year old daughter without me knowing. His lack of manners trumps mine! Would you have me invite him for breakfast, and butter his toast for him? I think not....

Perfectly fine for the OP to be naked in her own home when she thinks it's just family there. I sometimes struggle to remember to close the bathroom door (which has no lock on it) when I go to the loo when my teenage ds's have their friends round.

OP you are right to be cross with your daughter for lying - I would also expect to be asked before any of my dc invited a guest to stay the night, whatever the nature of the relationship. This is the big thing really - you both need to work at having a relationship where she can tell you this stuff.

I'll call him Barney. :o
You called him Barney then never used it again to refer to him!

But I do think YANBU. It's not nice to have some random bloke in your house and not be asked about it first so you can cover yourself up - or say no if that's what you want. It is your house and the respectful thing would be to run it by you.

She's 17, so if she's having casual sex is mostly her business.

You have every right, though, to be livid about her not telling you when she knows you walk around naked. You have even more right to be livid about the lying and leaving the outside door completely unlocked.

Quite surprised by all these naked people. I bought pjs when my DD started talking to my tits instead of my face.

Er, who's house it it? You need to have a chat with her about house rules. i.e. your house, your rules. If she doesn't like them, then she's old enough to think about finding her own place where she can decide what the rules are.

2 concerns:

• there's an unknown person in your house, who you didn't know was there, and who may have a key
• a door was left unlocked

Both would be a no-no in my house.

Nakedness has never been a problem in our house, but obviously would be if we had visitors!

If I had a friend to stay over, I'd warn the rest of the family out of courtesy. I'm 50 and pay the mortgage, why shouldn't a 17 year old do the same?

Just for the curious on here..
It was a decorator who rang the door to collect some keys.

I've never wandered around the house naked. But if you see some of my other posts on here I'm a bit of a prude.

I don't have a dd but I definitely would not want my ds staying over at his girlfriend's house without her parents knowing.

I don't blame for you being mad really. She should've definitely run it by you first and not just allowed some lad she doesn't know all tha well (by sound of things) sneak into your home in the middle of the night. It is disrespectful to you. What if he had of gone to get a drink in the middle of the night and you had of bumped into him in the kitchen?! I think my first instinct would be to pull out a saucepan to whack him over the head! Lol. Definitely a safety issue and she should NOT be giving him the key to your house what so ever. You are right to be angry and also concerned for your daughter - yes she's 17 but the boy is not a boyfriend. I wouldn't be happy about my daughter having casual relations at that age under my roof, sorry but it's true.

Sorry but I'm just dying laughing here at all the people who seem so outraged at someone daring to have no clothes on in their own house. What exactly do you think will happen to a member of your family if they see GASP another human's body? I mean really? This is hilarious.

OP your DD was out of line. She should have told you. Get better security on that door and ask her to have enough respect to let you know when someone is coming over.

And don't listen to the funny scared-of-nudity people.

Why does it say 'upstairs only' in relation to the nakedness habit when in the first post you say you live in a ground floor flat?