Ward visitor snoring all night

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Am staying on post-natal ward after a section and also DD has a little jaundice. Just done my second night. There are three other beds and the occupants of one are a couple with what I'd guess is their first DC. Pretty sure she's also had a section.

I'm about to kill the husband. He snored loudly through most of last night and is still going. He did the same the night before. If a patient was snoring I'd just sort of put that down to my bad luck. But at this point I feel he IBU in putting all the people on the ward who are in actual need of rest and recuperation through that ridiculous level of noise.

What irked me even more was that their baby was really upset and cried a lot in the night and his wife his having trouble feeding. But instead of getting up to help or do anything he just snored through the whole thing - so why is he even here?? Not like he's stayed the night to support her!!

AIBU to think he deserves to be permanently excluded from nights on the ward??

There was a drunk partner on my postnatal ward. I had my baby at 2.30pm and went to the ward. He appeared, absolutely hammered, at about 9pm and stayed all night, being loud, obnoxious and an absolute pain. Why did the right of a drunken fucker to "help and support" his partner and bond with his child trump my rights as a patient to recover in as peaceful, relaxing and safe environment as possible?

Well that's the logical conclusion of this crazy policy of everyone being allowed a 'support person' with them. You let one, so everybody has to have some largely useless oaf sat by the bed 24 hours a day. Seriously, I sense a MN campaign coming on over this. Why are women being subjected to such unreasonable treatment? The woman upthread who couldn't get any food at the canteen because the frigging husbands had all been fed with it? Men snoring away while their babies cry! FFS - this is Britain in 2017, not a developing country where the family should be needed to provide the care. Our NHS is well and truly broken if this is the sorry state of affairs our new mothers are faced with on post-natal wards.

Please - all of you who have had awful experiences with this recently write to the PALS (Patient Liaison Service) at the relevant hospital and COMPLAIN. Sadly, good sense doesn't work, but if enough women complain loudly enough it might just have an impact.

I do not lack empathy thank you very much! I just didn't feel I had an option. Nobody to help me other than my husband.

Husbands? So many aren't even the fathers of the baby in some units the midwives are taught to refer to them as 'your man'. I was in one ward where one of the bays was being used by a woman being induced. Her man/partner/whatever went into the patient toilet and locked the door. For a very, very long time. To where one of us finally buzzed because she was unable to walk down the corridor to use the visitor toilet. Finally the door was opened and there he was in there, shooting up junk/all strung out. Kicked off as he was pulled out.

Really upsetting experience when you're sat that unable to feel your legs with a newborn baby.

I am also shocked to read that mums are discharging themselves early to get away from these over packed wards.

Half of these men aren't just a hindrance. There are thousands of stories about how others husbands are keeping everyone awake through snoring - fab bonding that it.
Using the patient toilets - lifting the seat and not putting it back down which is difficult for the patient to put back down- hammering on the door telling the patient to hurry up.
In and out of the ward all night - so not only disturbing all the patients but also giving the staff extra work
Helping themselves to food for the patients... How fucking low is that
Sleeping on the beds - yes, actually getting mum to get out of bed and sit in the chair whilst he sleeps.
Shouting at staff because their partner hasn't received something another parent has - you know because everyone is the same
Pulling curtains back on other patients
Taking other patients chairs to use as footrests so they can put their feet up, often opening curtains to get the chair
Staring at other women - yes this really, really does happen.

So please, explain how this is good for new mums?
Just because this is how you want to live at home, doesn't mean that the rest of the population wants to deal with the above.

You'd not have the option at my local hospital and quite right too Lime!
'I don't lack empathy' but ME but I but NO ONE ELSE MATTERS! As long as you were alright love! I hope you're coping better now you're at home.

bloodyteenagers - bloody hell! I am genuinely shocked and incensed that these men behave like that. What on earth is wrong with people these days? I suspect a sense of entitlement has a lot to do with it. I think having fathers on a maternity ward is a really bad idea,as a lot of them have no idea of how to behave. I thank my lucky stars that I had my DD back in 1983,when it was unheard of for partners to stay overnight. I think if they had been allowed to and some oaf decided to whip my curtains back,or help himself to my chair so he could put his feet up,I truly would have lost my shit big time.

I know shocking. And these are just the ones that are going public within the last few months.

We need to encourage all mum dealing with this to speak out and talk about the actual implications of this insanity.
If nothing is changed how long before partners are on all wards? Using maternity as an excuse.

If I had to be on a maternity ward now after having any of mine ( minimum two night stays average 2 day labour and no sleep the weeks before) I really do think I would have snapped more than what I did.

The NHS hospital where I had DC4 allows partners to stay overnight but all of the postnatal room are private rooms with en suite. Partners get an armchair that folds out into a camp bed and it is made very clear, both verbally and via notices in the rooms/corridors/day room, that they are there by the grace of the head midwife and staff will have no qualms about removing anyone who is breaking the rules. There are actual rules. Partners must wear pants at all times and especially when sleeping, they will not be fed and the ward has protected mealtimes so they're expected to leave for an hour during meals (canteen is 24/7 and subsidised so they're directed there during the hour), you have to ring a bell to get in/out of the ward and any partners 'persistently or frequently' ringing the bell between 11pm and 7am will be let out and not allowed back in until the following day, and lastly was a reminder that staff are there to look after women and their babies and any partners impeding that in any way would not be allowed to stay overnight.

There must have been partners there but in my four admissions I never had any sort of disturbance from any of them because I had my own room and they had theirs. I wouldn't stay on a ward that had partners staying over in shared bays as it's completely unfair on the women who don't want to share their space with other people's partners at what can be a very vulnerable time.

I definitely agree that there should be a MN campaign to halt the process of partners staying over in shared bays. The other hospital local to me proposed trialing this exact scenario and had to drop the idea before it even began due to the amount of complaints they got and the amount of people asking if there would be the option of a 'no overnight partners' bay too so speaking up does work and it can change things.

'bloodyteenagers - bloody hell! I am genuinely shocked and incensed that these men behave like that. '

You are? Just spend a single day reading threads on here and it's far from shocking. I discharged myself early with my third because of overcrowding and lack of care.

'Partners must wear pants at all times and especially when sleeping, they will not be fed and the ward has protected mealtimes so they're expected to leave for an hour during meals (canteen is 24/7 and subsidised so they're directed there during the hour), you have to ring a bell to get in/out of the ward and any partners 'persistently or frequently' ringing the bell between 11pm and 7am will be let out and not allowed back in until the following day, and lastly was a reminder that staff are there to look after women and their babies and any partners impeding that in any way would not be allowed to stay overnight. '

Fucking ridiculous you have to tell non-patients they need to keep fucking clothed in the unit. I used to wonder who would breed with creatures like this but hey, it didn't take long to suss out on MN.

An actual reminder to keep their pants on?

I am so glad I am not going to be having any more babies.

Male partners on our ward are given a rule sheet. Some ignore it. I've been accosted by a bloke in boxer shorts out at the midwives station moaning that he wasn't allowed a shower.

expat I did ask if that particular rule existed because of necessity and was told "oh yes, we've seen partners in all sorts of states!". Every time DH arrived for visiting I reminded him to keep his pants on

I think people forget that while they think they have a lovely partner (and he/she probably is lovely), not everyone has that. Some partners are categorically not lovely. Plus even if you find your partner utterly enchanting, it doesn't mean that other people won't find him/her to be an irritating shithead. As there is not yet a test to detect loveliness or irritating shitheadedness, the easiest way to make sure patients are protected is to ban all partners from staying overnight except in exceptional circumstances or private rooms.

I like the idea of an option. Those that want partners or need additional support...can be in one area. Those that want to be alone, in another area.

I also love the idea of a private room. I can only wish for next time.

Just to add, my husband was wonderful during this time. He made me feel safe, helped with nappy changes when my back was so sore. He kept his clothes on obviously, slept in a chair and paid for his own food and drink from the canteen. He fetched stuff for me and was just bloody brilliant when I felt exhausted and in pain. I appreciate that other men might not be that nice and considerate.

expatinscotland -Yes I am shocked and incensed. I didn't say I was surprised! TBH not much surprises me these days.Every day I witness examples of entitlement and the 'Me first' and 'I'm OK,fuck everyone else attitude' by members of the public. I really wonder what this world is coming to,when some careless oik kicks my walking stick from under me,and then snarls at me when I exclaimed in shock at nearly going flying! But that is a whole new story.

Where are these areas going to magiced up from?
What happens when the ward for no partners is full and vice versa? New Mums sent away because no room at the inn?

Why can you only wish of a private room? Book and pay for one.
No complications. Home birth.
Or 6 hour check out.

There's options other than having a partner there.

I had my DS in late 2014 and my DP was chucked out at I think 8pm possibly 10pm (although I made him go earlier as I was worried about the dog ). Think he could return at 8/9am in the morning.

I had a CS and still had my catheter in as I was in too much pain to have it removed and get up. I coped just fine and the staff popped round every so often to check we were ok and see if we needed help.

I'm horrified about some of the stories on here.

Men are getting a bad rep here. This whole thread is becoming very anti men! It seems these days you can't do anything because of a small minority that might get offended. Women can be abusive too you know!

They can indeed, but the women who are on postnatal wards have just given birth. They're patients, so they kind of have to be there, and they don't pose anything like the potential threat that the men do. Even if you're talking about female partners/relatives staying, plenty of posters are opposed to that too. Simply on the grounds of space: the reality is that doubling the number of people in a maternity ward creates work for the staff.

Also, where are you getting the idea this is a small minority? Pretty much every thread MN has ever had on this, and there've been lots, a majority of posters have been against dads staying over. Why would you think you're not the minority getting offended?

'Some partners are categorically not lovely. '

Oh, you see it all the time here. 'He's a great dad,' and then they go on to describe someone who's a disrespectful, selfish twat or even abusive.

"I thank my lucky stars that I had my DD back in 1983,when it was unheard of for partners to stay overnight."

I had DD3 in 2009, and it didn't happen then, thank God. Utter lunacy.

I wouldn't care how lovely they might be . They shouldn't be there.

Pmsl at It seems these days you can't do anything because of a small minority that might get offended. Women can be abusive too you know!

Contradiction in terms!

I've had 2 c-sections. First once emergency, second one elective.

My DH wasn't allowed to stay...which I totally agree with. However, conditions were absolutely horrendous. I discharged myself after 2 nights with DC1 (one a half really as i got to the ward late on the first night). After DC2 i discharged myself after one night.

I should've had the opportunity to rest and recuperate on the ward but that was impossible as no one would pass me my baby or do anything for me. I didn't want DH there. I wanted proper care. And a bit of compassion.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted men on the ward at night. Especially when i was staggering to the bathroom with DC2 and accidentally sloshed lochia all over the corridor.

I didn't complain at the time and it's one of my biggest regrets. At the time i just wanted to get the fuck out of there and try and forget about it.