Ward visitor snoring all night

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Am staying on post-natal ward after a section and also DD has a little jaundice. Just done my second night. There are three other beds and the occupants of one are a couple with what I'd guess is their first DC. Pretty sure she's also had a section.

I'm about to kill the husband. He snored loudly through most of last night and is still going. He did the same the night before. If a patient was snoring I'd just sort of put that down to my bad luck. But at this point I feel he IBU in putting all the people on the ward who are in actual need of rest and recuperation through that ridiculous level of noise.

What irked me even more was that their baby was really upset and cried a lot in the night and his wife his having trouble feeding. But instead of getting up to help or do anything he just snored through the whole thing - so why is he even here?? Not like he's stayed the night to support her!!

AIBU to think he deserves to be permanently excluded from nights on the ward??

They never allowed more than one parent to stay when my dc were inpatients.
It's completely different to compare leaving a tiny child to a grown women.

I agree, if it was just me after surgery for example, Husband stays at home. But post natal was horrid for me because I had to care for me AND another tiny human that I had no clue how to care for! I struggled with feeding and was a bit clueless in those first few days. I appreciated the help

Yes lime, but the woman are also patients. It isn't comparable.

This thread has brought back so many bad memories. The creepy guy in the bed opposite who spent day and night just staring at every woman on the ward. Having to tell the doctor about my bleeding and post birth issues (3 day labour, suspected sepsis for both of us, rotational forceps, an episiotomy and a tear) with strange men next to me.

Having to WALK to a canteen at the end of the ward to get food, only to find the women serving had given it to the visiting men. With a nudge nudge, wink wink, this is for your partner really isn't it lads. I went hungry on more than one occasion. And if it was now I would definitely complain but at the time I was in shock after it all. Thinking about it brings the feelings flooding back and actually makes me feel quite shaky and upset, even though it was 2.5 years ago.

Men should not be staying on postnatal wards.

This thread made me think of YHA hostels. Dorms with rows of beds for random strangers...

Except even YHA don't have mixed sex/age dorms - if a family wants to be together, you have to sleep in a private room

Whoever thought this was a good idea was wrong.

Crossed out instead of highlight ^

I think it's completely wrong unless there are exceptional circumstances and they are in a private room.

Bring back the Hattie Jacques style matrons! They would have never allowed random men wandering about on their wards.

When I had twins in 2011, they wouldn't let my DH stay after 10pm (and I had a private room) - really surprised they are now letting partners sleep on the ward?

It's not the same as strange women being on the ward, they have to be there. They are patients. Partners are not and should never be used to plug the staffing gaps

I had 3 awful nights on a boiling hot postnatal ward in August. One woman spent much of the night chatting on the phone ignoring her crying baby, and then buzzing the midwives saying her baby was crying (their suggestions that she pick up and comfort/feed/change her baby were met with surprise, as if she expected the baby to just lay there and sleep). And obviously mine and other babies were crying on and off through the night too. It was the most un-relaxing and exhausting time of my life, made worse by my sore stitches, and weakness from an epidural and a haemorrhage.

A snoring man would have probably tipped me over the edge, I'd have been fucking furious and at his partner too for not giving him a kick. Fine in a private room, not fine in a room with several other weak and exhausted women.

What are people so afraid of? It's just someone else's husband!

Just because something isn't a problem to you personally, doesn't mean it's not a problem. Can you REALLY not see why some women may be afraid to fall asleep around men? You're coming at this from a position of massive privilege.

I think it's horrific. It's okay if you want your husband at the birth, but afterwards? No. It seems to be down to staff shortages, alright.

Carers sometimes need to stay with adult patients and this will occasionally apply when a woman has given birth but this is should be catered for in private rooms. Men shouldn't be staying overnight on a maternity ward.

Yeah I would have loved a private room. Next time hopefully I'll feel a bit more confident and be happy to stay on the ward alone.

I'm still not entirely sure why I should be afraid to fall asleep on a busy maternity ward around other people's husbands!

Jesus wept - is this what it's come to? Strange men sleeping a few feet away from you when you've just given birth? That's appalling. I'm glad I'm well past all this, but how awful for any woman who has to put up with it now.

Ffs because some females would have fleed abusive relationships.
Someone on the ward might have been raped and this resulted in pregnancy. Yes some rape victims do continue with the pregnancy for various reasons.

How hard is it to think about what other woman go through?

You wouldn't invite some random man off the street to sleep in your room why not?

It's a bit silly saying a random off the street to sleep on my room. Of course I wouldn't.

Men are getting a bad rep here. This whole thread is becoming very anti men! It seems these days you can't do anything because of a small minority that might get offended. Women can be abusive too you know!

I would love it to be like call the midwife days. A dedicated midwife, baby cared for by other nurses whilst you rested and recovered etc. It's just not like that these days! Not enough staff.

I will never, ever agree with others staying over on post natal wards. And in that I include everyone, not just male partners.

Partners and families should not be replacing trained staff.

But it's the same. You wouldn't like it if a random man slept in your space but you are expecting moms to do exactly this. It's bad enough sharing space with others, but the others in your space are in he same situation as you. It has nothing to do with man hating. It's to do with the man isn't the patient.
The sooner this bat shit idea is reversed the better.

Ugh, this again. Men should not be allowed to stay on post-natal wards overnight.

I will never, ever agree with others staying over on post natal wards. And in that I include everyone, not just male partners.

Actually yes, this. I have MORE of an issue with men but agree no visitors should be staying overnight.

Lime9 - which version of Call the Midwife are you watching? Has it changed since the series when women are mostly giving birth at home, mostly in the condemned and still bombed-out areas of London, which landlords essentially abandoned because of the condemnation notices, full of cockroaches and filth?

It's not about matrons, it's about the sister/midwife in charge IMO

The point is in call the midwife, there is the dedicated midwife and you are not told to get on with it alone because you are not yet 4cm! Afterwards they stay and care for mum and baby too. It just doesn't happen these days! Understaffed! I was chucked out before I was ready to leave (I had wanted some help with feeding and had an issue with back pain) simply because it became busy and a bed needed to be free.

I think it's fruitless trying to argue with lime, she seems absolutely incapable of empathy.

I was on the antenatal ward back in January. A woman who wasn't in labour, about to go in labour or have her baby ANY TIME SOON....had her husband sat next to her at 11pm snoring away

Then another woman next to her who had been induced but not even close to having contractions had her husband sat next to her at same time SNORING AWAY

And finally a woman next me who had her MIL with her being induced the next morning sat chatting loudly at midnight

All the above, the same fucking night.

Packed my stuff up, went to the midwives office & told them I was leaving....they gave me my own room.

Personally NONE of them needed anyone with them yet it was gone 11, they were all still there, yet they wouldn't let my father in at 8pm to give me my clothes when hooked up to a drip!!

Sorry, rant over