Ward visitor snoring all night

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Am staying on post-natal ward after a section and also DD has a little jaundice. Just done my second night. There are three other beds and the occupants of one are a couple with what I'd guess is their first DC. Pretty sure she's also had a section.

I'm about to kill the husband. He snored loudly through most of last night and is still going. He did the same the night before. If a patient was snoring I'd just sort of put that down to my bad luck. But at this point I feel he IBU in putting all the people on the ward who are in actual need of rest and recuperation through that ridiculous level of noise.

What irked me even more was that their baby was really upset and cried a lot in the night and his wife his having trouble feeding. But instead of getting up to help or do anything he just snored through the whole thing - so why is he even here?? Not like he's stayed the night to support her!!

AIBU to think he deserves to be permanently excluded from nights on the ward??

When I was in hospital as a little girl My mum was on;y allowed visitng times..Now you are almost expected to stay.( which is what I want to do) I thinkit cuts down on care staff needed though obviously the nursing stuff gets done by staff..

I don't see any benefit to having partners there for the hospital.More beds to provide, more bedding to wash and as I assume most that stay are first time parents they no more likely to have a clue.

My ExH was abusive I am glad he wasn't allowed to stay.

In all fairness, it wasn't the partners on my ward that bothered me. It was the woman next to me who snored like ten warthogs, the woman opposite who bellowed into her phone and played games on it nonstop, and the woman who moaned loudly like a pornstar all night, but kept telling the midwives she was fine. Seriously, just like a bad pornstar faking many loud orgasms. Of course know it wasn't her fault, but I was struggling post c-s after a couple of weeks on the ward and it wasn't great! why couldn't she just have said "Jesus shitting christ" or something that I could have joined in with?!

Well sure, women who've just given birth can be a pain in the arse too. Your experience sounds completely awful. But they have to be there. They're the patients. Not much to be done about that. Whereas we have an actual choice about whether to increase the number of people and thus potential nuisances.

At the hospital my son was born in partners were allowed to stay the first night (just as well as I was a wreck as my son was very poorly and in SCBU). My husband was very discrete and aware of others. Some partners not so much. I'd mention it to the ward manager. If he's not even being helpful through the night he should be buggering off home.

Thats awful that men are allowed to stay on wards, I just thought they had extended visiting priveliges.

Why can't the midwives and nurses tell the other women to be quiet and turn phones off after a certain time? Surely upsetting that one inconsiderate person is better than having all the other women annoyed at having to put up with her. Patients should not have to manage eachothers behaviour especially when in recovery or unwell.

If partners need to stay to offer essential support then the hospital is understaffed. If the men are sleeping they are not helping and should be booted out.

You've reminded me I need to complain to PALS about a partner staying on the bay I was on postnatally. No partners were allowed but for some reason he was allowed to stay, I think the baby had been ill, however all he did was snore all night. I think if it was essential he was there I should at least have been informed.

Interesting that the midwife upthread said it was a common occurrence and nothing they could do. It's a hospital not a doss house, the hospitals seem to have given up on a duty of care. Someone needs to wake him up and tell him he's snoring, not pussyfoot about, he needs to be shamed to behave better. If his child's mother is inconvenienced then the nurses should give her more help with him not there.( I was in a bay after my CS for 5 nights with a snorer, not a bloke . The lack of sleep was horrendous ).

God this was me more than a decade ago, now exh stayed the night and was bloody useless. I had had a epidural so could not walk and was really struggling after an horrific birth and he just flaming lay at the side and snored.

I am all for partners staying in side wards but I really have issues with on an open ward, I think it takes away time that could be used to help those who are being abused.

I also think it is uncomfortable for some others for a million reasons, having to make sure you are fully covered to shuffle to the loo in a gown or feeding etc and to be honest I have met some utter arseholes in life who I would not want having access to a ward of women in a vulnerable state.

My OH stayed overnight with me and our DS as I'd had an epidural so couldn't move, had had a big episiotomy, a 52 hour labour and was a mess, frankly. He is the worst snorer in the world but he was awake with DS the whole time he was there while I snatched the odd bit of sleep in between feeds so no-one knew. He went home and slept in the morning when there were more midwives available to help me get to DS, etc.

Unfortunately arseholes are arseholes wherever they go

also think it is uncomfortable for some others for a million reasons, having to make sure you are fully covered to shuffle to the loo in a gown or feeding etc and to be honest I have met some utter arseholes in life who I would not want having access to a ward of women in a vulnerable state

I don't understand this. I shuffled to and from the loo with my bum hanging out and if any of the dad's there had actually been bothered to look they'd have been more traumatised than I would have been. The dad's who'd bothered to stick Around into the night were all too interested in their new babies so I don't think I actually saw any of them overnight anyway. I understand other people might be less comfortable but surely this is an issue day and night and those people should have access to the private rooms.

I wonder, OP, if you'd have got up pyjama clad with your hair all iver the shop and newborn in arms and insisted on walking right out of the door due to sleep deprivation (abd not even from the baby!!) whether somewhere alternative for you to sleep may have been found?

YANBU it's bloody shocking that partners are allowed to stay overnight on postnatal wards.

There was a thread on this a few months back, it turned quite nasty it there's lots of people who think their Nice Norman's right to bond with a 1 day old trumps an actual patient's right to privacy and rest. Never mind that Norman will spend the rest of that child's life bonding, apparently the first 48 hours is imperative and if you don't like it then maybe you should have a home birth (yes people actually suggested this on that thread)!

Postnatal women need rest and recuperation. Partners are not patients and should not be staying overnight on any ward, no matter how short staffed the Ward is.

If it were me id be pushing to self discharge against medical advice and when they ask why explain.

I hate this fathers on the ward thing that we have now and if my hospital has that I will be making my feelings known very loudly and pushing to go home asap

I don't understand this. I shuffled to and from the loo with my bum hanging out and if any of the dad's there had actually been bothered to look they'd have been more traumatised than I would have been. The dad's who'd bothered to stick Around into the night were all too interested in their new babies so I don't think I actually saw any of them overnight anyway. I understand other people might be less comfortable but surely this is an issue day and night and those people should have access to the private rooms.

People should have at least some respite frompartners and visitors. Saying "well it happens during the day so suck it up at night" is not helpful. And assuming that the men don't care about your blood stained bum on show doesn't make it any less comfortable for many women.

On the last few threads about this women shared stories about men making loud comments about them, telling them to stop breastfeeding, moaning about blood in the (patient only) toilet they decided they would use rather than walk to the visitor toilet, make fun of them and be abusive to partners. Just because the dad's in the ward when you were there weren't inconsiderate arseholes, it doesn't mean none of them are. One woman even told how th woman in the next bed got told to get out of it by her husband so he could lie down as he was tired

Not all dads are just interested in their babies, many like to give others a hard time

I had a v traumatic labour and delivery, haemorrhage, crash cs etc in the middle of the night. DH had to leave as soon as I was moved to a ward. And I was scared and traumatised but DH staying was not the solution. It's wildly unfair and problematic on a ward. The midwives were also strict as fuck during visiting. They happily told people to be quiet/turn down phones and media if they were getting out of control.

playonwurtz - my baby is under paeds observation for jaundice so I've no intention of discharging til she is ready to go! If it were just me I'd probs take your advice but it's annoying, isn't it, that those are the options!!

You could just link to the thread instead of "cherry"picking the bits that suit your views!

I think it's appalling that men are allowed to stay O/N on a women's ward when those women are vulnerable and unwell. TBH the problem is a) lack of staff and b) wards. In the USA, where I was lucky enough to have DS1, I had a private room. When I had DS2 I immediately discharged myself from hospital - no way was I stayed on a ward - but I hadn't had a CS and neither of us needed care. I think wards are hideous and undignified. In what other sphere of life would it be okay for an exhausted, bleeding woman be forced to share a bedroom with up to three strange men????

Partners were allowed to stay overnight after I gave birth to DC2 (not after DC1 but we were discharged immediately anyway). I'd had a crash section, lost 4 litres of blood, was in HDC for first 24 hours, during which I didn't sleep for more than 10 minutes because I was being checked so regularly. I'm so glad DH was allowed to stay with me the first night I was on the ward. I could barely move and the Midwifes seemed too busy, and I found it a very scary situation (not helped by the presence of other blokes). Opposite me was a couple who argued most the night (think he eventually got asked to leave) Beside me was a woman with some female know it all companion who kept on huffing at me every time my baby cried (roughly every half hour, he wouldn't stop feeding at first). Couple cubicles down the night after was a woman who constantly swore at her baby, thank God the dad was much more sympathetic and cuddled and fed it.

I'm torn over the partners overnight. It didn't seem to be too much of an issue, but the Midwifes did strongly encourage men to go home and get some rest.

What was an issue for me was visiting hours, when some people had 10 visitors at once, making a hell of a racket, despite many signs saying 2 visitors max.

Applebite, i'd argue that many women wouldn't care how lovely and supportive and discreet the men in the ward were, they shouldn't have been there outside agreed visiting times. The awful examples of what can happen when it is paticularly badly handled just emphasise the point.

Juneau - up to 3? There were 8 on mine!

However I honestly didn't mind the men who were there in my particular case, and whilst I think some of the patients could have been more considerate with things like mobile phones, it was the daytime visitors that really got my goat.

We just had MIL, who couldn't say boo to a goose at the best of times. I deliberately didn't invite DF until I got home, because I love him to pieces but he has a voice that could awaken the dead. Unfortunately others had their entire extended families there, ignoring the limit on numbers, banging around, barging through drawn curtains to ask if they could borrow our chair , older siblings screaming and running everywhere - I found that far more disruptive to learning to breastfeed and to healing.

I'm just saying I think some people could learn to be more considerate, not just partners, I guess!

The thing is, while it's utterly unacceptable and uncomfortable to have men invading this female space at a time when so many of us feel at our most vulnerable, as many pp have said without our husbands and partners there is no one there to look after us.

I was given one small pitcher of water (about a pint) and when I asked for more I was told no, it was impossible. I couldn't walk to the hospital shop to buy my own water (epidural and massive bleeding). I was ferociously thirsty after induction, 24 hours of labour and a cocktail of drugs. I had to wait hours until my husband got there to get me some water.

I did manage to wobble to the loo (got shouted at for that) and drank water from the tap in a foul bathroom that reeked of vomit and poo. Took me 25 minutes to get there and back, leaving my newborn unattended down the corridor. The panic I felt on leaving her alone still makes me teary now.

Meanwhile the woman in the bed opposite me is weeping because her baby is crying and she can't get to him because she's had a c-section and cant stand up or lift him. She's ringing the bell and everyone is too busy to come.

We need someone there to see to our most basic needs. And the flip side of that coin is strange men intruding on the most private and vulnerable moments in our lives.

It's shit. I can't say the midwives or nurses on my ward were particularly nice, but I suspect they're not bad people, their attitude is a symptom of being so utterly overstretched.

I am so glad I had my children when I did, pre all this crap and pre mobiles, too.

In for a week, four women, all friendly and polite, two hour visiting in the afternoon and another two hours in the evening. Everyone got plenty of rest and everyone got enough support from staff. How the hell has it gone from that to this?

When I had my first I was 23, I had escaped an abusive relationship and my baby was rushed to intensive care immediately after birth. It was bad enough I was put on a ward full of women who had their babies with them, having a load of strange men there would have added a whole new level of terror.

In regards to a reply above I am not saying men gawped, I am saying it would make me feel uncomfortable.

It was bad enough when I was in many years ago and I was placed on the ward after having to have emergency surgery following birth due to serious complications, still groggy, feeling really very poorly, had a massive blood transfusion and then put on the ward in a bed next to a family who were basically 'wetting the babies head' , around 8 of them bumping through my curtains, bumping into my bed etc while I lay on oxygen.