Ward visitor snoring all night

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Am staying on post-natal ward after a section and also DD has a little jaundice. Just done my second night. There are three other beds and the occupants of one are a couple with what I'd guess is their first DC. Pretty sure she's also had a section.

I'm about to kill the husband. He snored loudly through most of last night and is still going. He did the same the night before. If a patient was snoring I'd just sort of put that down to my bad luck. But at this point I feel he IBU in putting all the people on the ward who are in actual need of rest and recuperation through that ridiculous level of noise.

What irked me even more was that their baby was really upset and cried a lot in the night and his wife his having trouble feeding. But instead of getting up to help or do anything he just snored through the whole thing - so why is he even here?? Not like he's stayed the night to support her!!

AIBU to think he deserves to be permanently excluded from nights on the ward??

YY plenty of time for starting life/bonding as a family when you go home.

There really is no need for anyone to be camping out by a hospital bed. Hospitals are busy as it is without additional people lingering about when people want to settle their babies down and get some rest.

It really doesn't take pressure of nursing staff. Fetching the odd cup of tea and bringing a sandwich won't relieve much pressure.

What pressure does it actually take off staff?
Well apart from a reduction in work and a reduction in staffing.

YANBU

Sparkling - I did that. Didn't stop daytime visitors pulling them back because they "could see we weren't using our chair". 😡

Apple. I decided to leave after two nights with DC1 and refused to stay any longer than absolutely necessary with DC2.

In an area like central London, where you can often choose between hospitals, I don't see why they can't have some wards that allow partners and some that don't. Then you could choose on booking-in. But of course that wouldn't work for smaller places.

It wouldn't work full stop unless there was more extra capacity in the system then there is now. In order to be giving women the choice of wards with partners and wards without, there has to be a certain amount of slack, and room for some beds to go empty.

I hope OP is ok.

I NEEDED my dh to stay! I hadn't slept in days and appreciated the help. I could barely move with pain. I'm not sure I could have done it alone. It's not really "resting" is it looking after a baby alone, after spending 2 days with contractions and not sleeping for that time either. Especially after a traumatic birth. I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. He was a great help to me staying in the ward.

It's all well and good saying men shouldn't stay but a few times I asked for help and it was ages before a nurse helped me. Too many patients, not enough staff.

There's not enough staff because of partners. Can you not see the connection? The more that partners are on ward the less staff will be seen to be needed by the bosses.

If he hadn't have been allowed, like in the good old days what would you have done?

The idea of fathers needing to bond with their babies, so needing to stay overnight, is nonsense. When I had my DC, fathers weren't allowed to stay, and that didn't prevent him from bonding with them.

Mothers snoring is a problem, but often that's because of sleeping on their backs, because they're sore or numb. Hospital beds aren't the best for getting comfortable and trying to turn onto your side often isn't easy to do, especially if you're scared of falling out of bed.

More staff to do the actual caring of post-natal women and their babies is what's needed; plus better control of visitors. Going for the cheaper option of allowing fathers to stay on the wards isn't really in anyone's best interests. I'm not sure how DH would have felt if, having seen me go through a difficult birth, he would then have the responsibility of being my main carer because there weren't enough staff. (Though I strongly suspect he'd have stayed awake all night just from the sheer worry.)

I know it's an impractical suggestion, but every time this comes up on MN, I get a fantasy of volunteer grannies - the good type, the no-nonsense but kind type, who would do the fetching and carrying and hand-holding and hugging; and do that Supernanny wag of the finger at anyone carrying on a loud conversation on their phone at oh-god-what-hour. Yes, it's just a fantasy, but I reckon if the bean-counters in the NHS think they could get away with it, they'd go for it.

Lime Some people don't have a choice. You didn't NEED your partner, it was preferable!

Yes to volunteer Grannies!!!

I NEEDED my dh to stay!...
I get that but what about the other women on the ward? Some of whom may have had an equally traumatic birth and may also be in pain. It's bad enough having to cope with this in a ward full of other women. I really disagree with men (who are complete strangers to all the women in there apart from their wife) staying overnight in a women's maternity ward. It's just horrible.

But I would have been fine with him going home if I felt supported by nurses. I didn't. There were not enough. It took ages to get help for pain killers, breast feeding support etc

Re the snoring man, I would have said something or asked to be moved.

I'm not particularly concerned re the other men on the ward. Why the fear? What are people so afraid of? It's just someone else's husband! When I had my son, each couple pretty much stayed in their curtained off area. Men had to use a separate bathroom outside the ward and they were not allowed to eat any food there.

I self discharged 2am on the 2nd night postnatal as I couldn't sleep because of the noise and light. DD still wasn't feeding, I did offer to leave her behind and I'd come back and collect in the morning - they didn't take me up on it!

DC3 & 4 I insisted on a 6 hours discharge just to get some sleep...

People shouldn't have to stay in curtained off areas. Someone elses husband is a stranger to me and personally would not have wanted to have one around after I had just given birth and feeling sore and fragile.

Aren't the other women strangers too?

I am far happier bleeding and boobs out in front of another woman in the same situation than in front of a man I do not know... Obvious, isn't it?

Yes the other women were strangers too. It was really difficult to have to be shoved together with people you don't know at such a vulnerable time. But at least all the women were in the same boat. All shuffling about off to the loo/shower wincing because of stitches and trying to get to grips with breastfeeding.

Unless and until the NHS can actually provide enough staff and caring enough staff to look after women then they should absolutely be allowed partners on postnatal wards.

I was butchered and abused by the NHS and had zero trust in them by the time my child was born. Thank God my husband stayed otherwise I might have ended up on a psych ward.

Ok put it this way.
Would you invite a random bloke off the street to crash on a bed in your room? Not your bed. But another bed in your room.

Should we have allowed my dh to stay when I had major back surgery a long way away from home? I really needed him actually and was quite often stuck needing help.

We can't move in our families because we want them there.

I could have done with dh in hospital with me when I had sepsis and couldn't stand up for myself. That would have been brilliant to have had him there, I was far more vulnerable than when I had given birth and I was pretty bloody unwell after that!

I wouldn't invite a random woman to sleep in my room either! Haha! It's a bit of a special situation being in hospital isn't it?

I've also stayed on a children's ward too (with my husband and baby) you can't handpick the patients and family there either

When DS2 was in hospital at 5 weeks old DH and I took it in turns to stay overnight on the V uncomfortable camp bed. But that's not comparable in any way to a maternity ward with people that have literally just given birth.