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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to suspect my daughter's swimming teacher of grooming

253 replies

jobergamot · 08/03/2017 18:18

Ok, so DD, 8 goes swimming with school. The school has a specialist PE teacher who takes them for swimming. She really likes this teacher, tells me he's funny. He has told my DD that she is 'his favourite' which she thought was lovely. They walked back to school the other day and she was walking with him and he asked her about her family and where she lived.

Of course my alarm bells are going ten to the dozen even when she first mentioned that 'Mr X told me I'm his favourite', I grilled her a bit, does he watch you get changed or anything? But this recent thing where he's asked her who she lives with, and where has got me even more paranoid.

What do you think? AIBU to suspect anything untoward?

OP posts:
wildpoppiesanddaisies · 08/03/2017 18:19

Sounds innocent to me!

anniroc · 08/03/2017 18:19

The 'favourite' thing would ring alarm bells with me I'm afraid.

WildBelle · 08/03/2017 18:20

Think you are possibly being paranoid OP

IHaveOtherNames · 08/03/2017 18:20

Sounds very innocent to me to be honest op. He probably tells all his students they're his favourite. Is it 1-1 or group lessons?

BertrandRussell · 08/03/2017 18:20

Just sounds like small talk to me. Presumably she's never alone with him.

Did you really ask whether he watched her getting changed?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 08/03/2017 18:21

I don't think teachers are allowed to say they have favourites but that alone wouldn't make me think he's grooming her

FaintlyHopeful · 08/03/2017 18:21

I wouldn't like the 'favourite' bit.

twinklefoot · 08/03/2017 18:21

I tell each of my DC that they're my favourite!Confused

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2017 18:21

The only thing that strikes me as strange there, is how unprofessional he was in telling a pupil they're his favourite.

The rest seems like normal chit chat when you're walking from the swimming baths back to the school.

I've probably asked kids the same thing.

wildpoppiesanddaisies · 08/03/2017 18:22

I always do! Only jokingly but it's things like 'miss how old are you?' '35!' 'I thought you were 30!' 'Ah, my new favourite child!' Grin

mostly they think I'm 50

Redglitter · 08/03/2017 18:22

I think you're over reacting. Asking about her family while they were walking back to school seems a very normal type of conversation. As a PP said he probably tells everyone they're his favourite.

I think suspecting him of grooming or watching her change is a big leap

angeldelightedme · 08/03/2017 18:25

The 'where do you live' bit was probably him thinking about swimming clubs.

socktastic · 08/03/2017 18:25

I ask kids in my class about their family life. Not out of nosiness but out of interest and making them know I'm interested in their lives away from school. I'd never pop round for a visit or a cuppa!

However, I certainly wouldn't tell a child that they're my favourite.

PE teachers tend to be less formal though

AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/03/2017 18:25

I grilled her a bit, does he watch you get changed or anything?

From what I remember, the staff aren't allowed in the changing room are they?

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2017 18:26

I don't get why you say Of course my alarm bells are going ten to the dozen even when she first mentioned that 'Mr X told me I'm his favourite

What do you mean by 'Of course'?

Do you think that's a normal reaction to a teacher telling a child that they're their favourite?

ExplodedCloud · 08/03/2017 18:27

Hard to say really. Probably small talk. Not worth raising it but possibly something you need to keep an eye on and possibly a trigger for talking about inappropriate behaviour, secrets and what to do in general. That never hurts.

angeldelightedme · 08/03/2017 18:28

You are the reason why we have so few male role models in schools, and childrens settings generally.
I know someone who reported a male athletics coach for .....high fiving a 14 yr old girl at the end of a race!

RottenTomatoes959 · 08/03/2017 18:28

Oh ffs. It sounds perfectly innocent and i dont doubt for one second that you wouldnt think this if it was a woman teacher. Christ.

Trifleorbust · 08/03/2017 18:30

I think you are reading a lot into some very innocent and casual conversation. I can't believe you asked her whether he watches her.

brasty · 08/03/2017 18:31

The favourite bit is unprofessional.
OP have you met this man? Are your worries purely based on what you have said here?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 08/03/2017 18:31

Op please don't go sharing your thoughts about this in RL unless there is more to it or anything develops. It sounds very innocent and probably taken massively out of context (e.g. wildpoppies example). You could cause serious damage to his reputation not to mention the stress it could cause this poor man.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/03/2017 18:31

Be honest . If there wasn't a penis involved would you have even started this thread?

Sounds totally innocent.

Poor man he dares speak to a child and he's accused of all sorts online

ilovesooty · 08/03/2017 18:32

The OP wouldn't be thinking about this twice of the teacher were female.

Original poster
jobergamot · 08/03/2017 18:32

Wow. I am the reason there are so few male role models in schools??? Hmm

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/03/2017 18:33

^You are the reason why we have so few male role models in schools, and childrens settings generally.
I know someone who reported a male athletics coach for .....high fiving a 14 yr old girl at the end of a race!^

Oh my gosh how ridiculous. Sadly not surprising though.

DCs had a fabulous male PE teacher at their last school. They've also got a fabulous male PE teacher at their new one. I've never been suspicious of either mainly because I trust the schools judgement in their hiring of staff with their extensive background checks.