AIBU to suspect my daughter's swimming teacher of grooming

[jobergamot]

Ok, so DD, 8 goes swimming with school. The school has a specialist PE teacher who takes them for swimming. She really likes this teacher, tells me he's funny. He has told my DD that she is 'his favourite' which she thought was lovely. They walked back to school the other day and she was walking with him and he asked her about her family and where she lived.

Of course my alarm bells are going ten to the dozen even when she first mentioned that 'Mr X told me I'm his favourite', I grilled her a bit, does he watch you get changed or anything? But this recent thing where he's asked her who she lives with, and where has got me even more paranoid.

What do you think? AIBU to suspect anything untoward?

Actually any teacher telling a kid they're their favourite would be an issue. Even if they say that to every kid it could still cause arguments and issues.
The chit chat about where they live and what not wouldn't bother me. You would be surprised how many kids volunteer that info and more. I've had kids in the school coach point at the exact same house they live in,or give very detailed directions.

Yes you are. Well, part of the reason there are so few men in schools. All sounds perfectly innocent. And the favourite thing was probably the sort of joke thing he'd say to everyone. If he was a woman, you would barely bat an eyelid.

You're over reacting.

I also think the favorite thing is a bit weird. You're possibly being paranoid but possibly not. It's really difficult because it does happen. I think it's better to be a bit paranoid than ignore your instincts. What does your other half think? Sounds like nothing has happened. Maybe it's time to have a chat with your daughter or read some books together about her body? Check out A Mighty Girl on Facebook or just google. They have loads of book suggestions for talking about this stuff with your kids.

I would have thought from a safe guarding situation it is only sensible of teachers to find out a little about pupils family and home life, gently and without being invasive obviously.

I would have thought the teacher was speaking in jest about her being his favourite something like 'oh DD you swam that length really well your my new favourite pupil' or similar.

Don't be silly.

Sweet Jesus, the poor bastard. And yes, you are the reason there are so few men who dare go into childcare or sports teaching.

Holy Crap OP! You really do sound paranoid. The 'favourite' thing is a bit unprofessional but Sports Coaches are often not trained teachers and tend to be a bit more matey with kids. Nothing odd at all about the conversation about family and where she lives.

I think you are overreacting op. Definitely. I have said some kids are my favourite in a jokey way before and I assure you it's all in jest.

Poor man, for gods sake don't say anything to people in RL. I think it's always good to have a conversation about private areas etc but don't link it to swimming or anything.make it a general thing.

I constantly tell kids they're my favourite - usually for reasons mentioned already. Or because they tell me they liked the lesson/did their homework a day early/like my shoes. It's not weird or dodgy.

This post is why I'm so glad my DH gave up teaching. Would you be concerned if the swimming teacher was a woman?

I'm not sure how this 'grooming' of her is going to get him anywhere (don't believe it is anyway).

It's not a sports' club where he can be on his own with her - it's in school time, with other teachers/parents present presumably.

I think you're overreacting, although telling a child they're your favourite isn't incredibly professional.

This thread is quite sad. DS has Aspergers and one of his issues is not knowing what is socially appropriate. For instance, he hugged his Camhs worker (male might I add) on his first time ever meeting him. It was his 3rd referral and we've been through hell trying to get help for us. His Camhs worker helped him open up and as a result we could access the support he so badly needed. You know why? Because the bloke was bloody good at his job.

I have no doubt my DCs PE teacher is bloody good at his job too. I also don't doubt your DDs PE teacher is good at his job either OP and simply making conversation. I really do hope you haven't suggested to anyone IRL that you suspect he may be grooming DD. There's always lots of staff and volunteers on these sort of trips and I'm sure they'd have pulled him up had he said anything they deemed inappropriate.

Just for information; you can't always just blindly trust education recruitment processes. Ian Huntley would have 'passed' a CRB/DBS check. Scout leaders, teachers all sorts of people who abuse children choose to get a job with children and would 'pass' a DBS check.

If he was a woman, you would barely bat an eyelid.

Agree. I actually know of a lady (not friends) who went on school trips and swimming trips for years and had never been crb checked. Imagine the uproar if that had been a male!

I went to Primary School in the early 90s and I was really good at sports. I was my PE teachers favourite and he always told me how proud he was of me. I'm in my 30s now and at a training course at work recently, we were asked to think of 3 people who made a positive impact in our lives... guess what, he was one. There was nothing pervy about this PE teacher, he believed in me and encouraged me.

I think YABU to accuse him of grooming your DD.

Ian Huntley would not have passed a DBS check. He was the reason they were developed.

And no, I haven't said anything to anyone IRL, that's why I'm doing it anonymously on line to check out my (self confessed) paranoia. I'm a single mum, so no partner to bat this about with. I, obviously naively, saw mumsnet as a 'safe space' to ask this sort of thing, that you wouldn't ask in polite company.

Lesson learned.

OP can you explain why you said Of course my alarm bells are going ten to the dozen even when she first mentioned that 'Mr X told me I'm his favourite

Your use of the words 'of course', make it sound as though you think your reaction was a completely common one.

Of course some people who pass DBS checks are abusers, OP. They only disclose criminal convictions and concerns, not actual behaviour. But in this situation, you have every reason to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. He has done nothing to give you real concern. You sound paranoid.

Would you be concerned if a female had said those things? I suspect not. It all sounds really innocent to me, and is quite a depressing thread to read.

skala, read this link

www.theguardian.com/uk/2003/dec/17/soham.ukcrime2

Really! Sounds complete innocent small talk to me and no different to conversations I have with pupils at school-just making conversation, no hidden agenda.jokey comments "favourite pupil, star pupil' are just flippant comments -i'd say you are totally over thinking.

Btw OP despite the rights or wrongs of "you're my favourite " yes YABU.

Ian Huntley has nothing to do with the question you were asking.

You asked if you were being unreasonable to think your DD's teacher is grooming her. The response is a resounding yes because in this particular case there doesn't seem to be anything to base your worries on. Surely you are relieved that you've been a bit bonkers!