AIBU to suspect my daughter's swimming teacher of grooming

[jobergamot]

Ok, so DD, 8 goes swimming with school. The school has a specialist PE teacher who takes them for swimming. She really likes this teacher, tells me he's funny. He has told my DD that she is 'his favourite' which she thought was lovely. They walked back to school the other day and she was walking with him and he asked her about her family and where she lived.

Of course my alarm bells are going ten to the dozen even when she first mentioned that 'Mr X told me I'm his favourite', I grilled her a bit, does he watch you get changed or anything? But this recent thing where he's asked her who she lives with, and where has got me even more paranoid.

What do you think? AIBU to suspect anything untoward?

BishopBrennansArse he didn't according to the OPs post. She just asked DD if he watched her get changed.

Jesus Christ, utterly bonkers thread.

Where did he watch kids get changed?

He didn't.

Where did he watch kids get changed?

He didn't.

I completely agree with ellash.

You are her mum. Your duty is to protect her. He is a grown up and can look out for himself.

Go with your gut. Better safe than sorry.

All these go with your gut posters, you do realise that the OP could be putting this persons career at risk based on fuck all?

ChickenVindaloo I am so sorry to hear that.

OP when you chat to your dd about this I am sure you make it really casual and allow her to lead rather than too many questions which could be leading. Make a note of what she says and just be vigilante. Your fears may be unfounded or they may not. I won't advise you what to do, just to keep questions light and simple so that your dd gets to use her own words and do make notes, if you are anything like me my memory 30 minutes later is shot! (Although don;t let her see you writing lots of notes as this doesn't seem helpful to her.

I am sure this is all very obvious but having helped in schools as volunteer this is the kind of thing we were told!

He is a grown up and can look out for himself.

Really?: How does he protect himself against insidious rumours and gossip-mongers twisting things he has said?

italian

No, I just meant: Nowadays I'm convinced my teacher was very twisted, self-righteous and probably a sadist. And I just wanted to emphasize that parents should always be vigilant.

I'm not trying to make this about me... But I do feel like the people making comments about how men are more likely to commit sexual offences (I agree with that, btw) and therefore need to be watched more closely? I fear they may be deluding themselves where female teachers/babysitters are concerned and therefore miss signs they'd consider to be obvious where a male is concerned.

That's what I thought - but a poster here has said he did watch kids get changed. Just checking I read it right.

Poor chap. He's not a teacher he's a swimming instructor- so will be DBS checked and probably done online safeguarding training but isn't exactly a highly qualified professional. It's a chap trying to make conversation with a child - is that really a problem nowadays? He hasn't said or done anything suggesting grooming but societal paranoia has kicked in. Just horrible to see danger, threat and paedophiles at very juncture.

Italian you meant just be vigilant yes? Not vigilante. Two very different outcomes there!!

Crumbs1 where does it say he's not a teacher he's a swimming instructor ????

A DBS means a person hasn't got a criminal conviction, nothing else.

He's done nothing more than chat to a pupil yet life and career destroying actions are being considered. I'm all for being alert but based on the information provided he has done nothing wrong.

I'm not casting aspersions on this swimming teacher or anyone else who has a DBS check but I think people place too much reliance on them. A DBS check doesn't prove that the person hasn't done anything criminal, it just proves that if they have done anything they haven't been caught. So that fact that someone has one doesn't mean you don't need to exercise a normal level of caution.

No, he didn't watch them get changed. Sorry I should have clarified her answer. I think it is unprofessional at least to say to an impressionable 8 year old that she is your favourite. But to ask a child's address too?

Thanks for the range of views. I will keep vigilant but not vigilante about this. I do think that media stuff does incite more paranoia about things like this. I take no responsibility for men not wanting to be teachers or whatever some random people have accused me of.

My only concern is my daughter and her well being.

BishopBrennansArse yes I saw that too which is why I commented.

but to ask a Childs address too

Did he specifically ask the address? Did she answer "1 cherry tree lane".

I'm not trying to make this about me... But I do feel like the people making comments about how men are more likely to commit sexual offences (I agree with that, btw) and therefore need to be watched more closely? I fear they may be deluding themselves where female teachers/babysitters are concerned and therefore miss signs they'd consider to be obvious where a male is concerned.

Don't worry. I would notice a female teacher telling a child she's her favourite, and if other inappropriate behaviours would follow, I would definitely notice.

Why are people on here to paranoid for the poor, poor fucking adult male teacher?

OP hasn't threatened to report him. Just noted that she finds his behaviour odd.

He is a grown up and can look out for himself.
What I meant by this is that ANY grown man should know not to say inappropriate things to a child (or things that could be taken wrongly) whereas a child relies on their parents' experience to know when something is wrong and intervene. Therefore OP must concern herself with her child, not the teacher.

How does he protect himself against insidious rumours and gossip-mongers twisting things he has said?
No-one is saying gossip about him/report him/hang him/jail him. He's not on trial, he doesn't have to be proved guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
I think we're saying keep an eye on the situation

He asked her address, not just where she lived? Then that is very worrying. I would see it as chat to ask where you live,and the answer being the Apple Estate. But asking for an actual address is different.

"If" ...he is a child molester.... questioning your daughter like that could damage a successful prosecution
In future ask your kids open, non leading questions like " tell me what happened "
Or better still get them to write it down with out any prompting
Let them know they were right to tell you
Don't react at all to anything they say neutral face and body language
Reassure they were right to tell you

FFS Elephant do you really think it is inappropriate for a teacher to talk to a child about their family? Or do you just think that male teachers shouldn't do this?
I taught for over two decades. It's inappropriate.

It's a fact of life that most child molesters are male so why the handwringing about a different view being take on a female teacher?

I really object to PC crap when it puts people in danger.
Eg it's discrimination to stop xyz type of people at the airport - why, if the terrorists are usually xyz type??

OR "That PE teacher sounds dodgy to me. Ah, but maybe I'm being sexist, thinking that cos he's a man. Therefore I'll just not bother to report".