To find it really difficult to get remotely excited about friends getting married when they already have DC with that person?

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Anyone else?

*Today 08:00 skerrywind

sparkle- I agree. In fact I think we should make sure all brides are virgins, just to make sure that things are done in the right order.

Have you got mental health issues?

You seem to post very inflammatory and hurtful things all over the forum? I think you need some real life support.

YABU

I have no idea why the fact that a couple have a child would influence your feelings about them getting married. What does that have to do with the marriage/wedding?

Is it that you prefer your friends to remain chaste?

ToEarlyForDecorations what a vile response.

Why are you assuming that everyone getting married post-children are doing it for the presents? All the weddings I've been to in these situations have made it very clear that they do not want any fuss or presents.

Whilst these couples have of course made a commitment to each other in the form of children/a mortgage, why shouldn't they be able to confirm their relationship in the way that other people do? Marriage a few years ago may not have been the right thing for them, and their decision to have children/live together in spite of this is quite frankly not for your judgement.

How lovely of that couple to invite you to their wedding. I'm glad you spared the "greedy grabbing bastards" the pleasure of your company.

made it very clear that they do not want any fuss or presents

Honestly, no one will ever turn up at a wedding without a present. The only way to prevent people from being generous is to not invite them (and even so, you are still likely to receive a little something or flowers from some).

Lots of bizarrely one-eyed views of things here.

We didn't have kids to "see how it goes" nor did we "stick two fingers up at society". We made a lifelong commitment to each other in deciding to have children when we did and chose not to have a wedding for a number of reasons (introversion, expense, family politics, age). Neither of us feel we need a marriage certificate to prove the intended longevity of our relationship (as is our choice).

We may get married later (if and when the equity in our house exceeds the inheritance tax threshold - romantic). And we may have a party to mark the occasion
, because why the hell not... And, whilst I don't expect them to turn up with starry eyes and romantic platitudes about the future, I expect my friends and family who want to attend to turn up and have a good time just like they did when I threw my 27th birthday party for the 5th time or when I threw a fantastic party the time I found some party food in the freezer and didn't know what else to do.

If they want to look down their nose at my society-shunning ways then they can politely decline. I'm not religious but I've always been happy and honoured to be asked to participate in different religious ways of celebrating commitment, I don't care to judge the method or the timing.

YANBU. Weddings are a pain in the arse. People want the friends and family to spend loads of money getting to and often staying overnight somewhere. At least if they do already have DCs they won't (like the unencumbered) demand that you turn up to their wedding without your kids - or worse, that the kids can come to the ceremony and the party but not the meal, and it's in fancy hotel miles away and you have to pay someone to look after them...
There are many other ways to subjugate onself to the patriarchy, I think if I wanted to do it that much I'd just learn to walk in high heels, and wouldn't ask 150 of my friends and family to watch!
I get what you're saying about them already having DC though (I think). They've already made a whopping commiment to each other, I assume live together, etc.
BUT you don't have to be excited to be happy for them.

You would think of your friends as "greedy grabby bastards"?!!

I'm amazed you have any, with an attitude like that.

Room1o1

True. But because they want to, rather than feeling obliged.

I truly believe people are invited to a wedding because their presence means a lot to the couple. Weddings are too expensive per head to invite the masses, just to get more presents!

Marriage has become so devalued over the past few decades that actual weddings are non-events now. But they cost a bomb, or can do, and, for that reason, I suppose people enjoy a certain Schadenfreude at comparing weddings.

I am not sure, I don't think it's about the presents, but most couples invite a lot of guests by obligation: at least some relatives, people you have to invite back, even work colleagues because the bride feels she has to.

Am I the only one who finds it perfectly easy to get excited:

at receiving an invite to a wedding?

at receiving news of a wedding to which I am not invited? (unless the news is delivered with a tagged-on note of "but we're not inviting you because yaa boo sucks")

I can also get excited at the news of somebody else's:

pregnancy

engagement

promotion

new job

nice holiday

Because it's a depressing old world out there at times, and I think it's nice when something nice happens.

I Kind of agree with you op but would never admit it to anyone in RL. I just feel that they've already made the biggest commitment there is (a child together - means they're locked in together even when they want to leave), so the marriage is more of a legal undertaking than an expression of commitment. I just feel that if people were serious about each other they'd get married before they had kids.

I can join in with someone else's excitement without being excited.

I got married after kids, it wasn't the same as embarking on a brand new life with someone as we already had our brand new life. The wedding was to make it more legally protected.

I get you OP.

YANBU

Asroria.... we were serious about eachother but I had an unplanned pregnancy. We were together for 3 years by then, still in our mid (ish) 20s and now we have been together for 19 years and have four kids.

TBH I think getting a mortgage is the biggest thing you can do as a couple.

Not a wedding

Not having kids

I had a baby. Then bought a house. Then got married.
I was flipping excited for every single thing. Didn't matter what the order.

Wouldn't have bothered me if you were excited about it or not.

My nan got married to her 2nd husband when they were 64 and 73. It was the most exciting wedding I have ever been to. Both had children grand children and great grandchildren to witness it which I actually thought made it all the more special (generations being able to watch it). My nan died 5 years later so their "journey " was short but lovely.

Not that im very religious but marriage in the eyes of god is two people committing to each other - what does it matter what stage of life they are in or whats to come after.

OP perhaps your "excitement" would change if you educated yourself on the true meaning of marriage (perhaps reading the vows and understanding whats promised) . If your perception of marriage is flawed then I understand it would be hard for you to get excited.

Some traditional vows are:

to have an to hold from this day forward, for better for worse,
for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
'til death do us part, - PLEASE NOTE: There is no promise to give children, wait to have sex or not to live together.

You're saying it's less exciting because it was expected and predictable?

IMO it should be expected and predictable. I'm a big fan of couples being together a long time, living together, weathering a few storms before they decide to get married. And if a couple had DC and decided to get married, I'd be delighted.

If a couple get engaged/married and it came as a complete surprise, that's when I'd be less than excited about it. Because I'd worry they were rushing into it.

So, I kind of think the opposite OP!

I can't get excited about weddings at all any more.

Divorced and jaded. I sit there internally screaming 'DON"T DO IT!'

(I know IABU by the way).

Most modern weddings are crap too, while I'm being a grumpy cow.

Since any old place can get a licence, you find yourself stuck in a crappy hotel from 12 noon to 1am, sitting on a shitty conference chair to watch the ceremony, having a microwaved chicken breast slung at you after waiting four hours for the photos to be over and my god, the wine.

And at the last four I've been too, all the brides seem to have worn the same frock.

Can't imagine anyone gives a toss how excited you are. It's about the not you.

Weddings with bride and groom children are lovely.

What an odd thing to say.

Lol mumbod ikwym

when I was young and judgy, I used to think people should get married if they were going to make the bigger, lifelong commitment of having kids together. Now, I say celebrate anything good, people formalizing their commitment is a nice, hopeful thing. If you can't get excited about that, you're not a very good friend to them.

Been to, not too. Fgs.

What does it matter these days whether they already have a child or not?

"" The wedding gifts are supposed to be to set up your first home together, the first time you move out of the family home. ""

I think Weddings, or Marriage has evolved along with society. Well I don't think, it has, there have been constant updates to the law and employer/pension polices.

There's no place for "blushing Brides", no Woman should feel embarrassed that she has a sex life. White became popular after Queen Victoria, it wasn't to do with virginity. That was put on there later.

This is one of one of MNs oddities. Everyone I know loves a Wedding invite. It's a chance to get together with people that you know and hear about. I love two and three day 'Weddings', mixing together the day after in a more informal way.

I wouldn't attend an event without a gift, but love being able to give money.

I have an issue with people, who fall "in love" quickly. Likewise people who live together (or marry) quickly. I've known so many couples split, that I'd take listening to the vows from a couple that have stood the test of time, more seriously.