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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it really difficult to get remotely excited about friends getting married when they already have DC with that person?

205 replies

CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:14

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:36

Pink I understand that to the couple it wouldn't mean less just because they'd had DC already.

OP posts:
nonameinspiration · 07/03/2017 20:40

Yabu. The best wedding I ever went to was a couple who had been together about 15 years and had 3 kids. It was on a shoestring budget and the newleyweds danced holding hands with all the kids for the first dance. No wanky shit or spending thousands to show off just a real love story I was v inspired

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:40

napmeistergeneral I am not so solipsistic as to suppose that the couple would care two hoots about my feelings on something which is very much their event.
However, I am entitled to my own feelings about an event. And, as I said before, I don't show those feelings so I don't expect anyone to take notice of them!

OP posts:
whatsfair · 07/03/2017 20:40

yanbu op. I have friend getting married in the summer with two dc and a mortgage with her bloke - been together for years and years.

I'm sure it will be a lovely day, and i couldn't give a monkeys about religion or tradition or what order anyone decides to do anything in. It's not 'exciting' (not sure i'd use that word but i know what you mean) because they're already fully committed to each other anyway. Its no big surprise, just a good excuse for a pissup - which is fine by me!

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/03/2017 20:41

Not that long, Trills, it was pretty much that way when my sister married in the early 80's, though there was definitely more shagging before! DH and I lived together before marrying, but got enormous pressure from my mum to marry. (His parents didn't know, sodding coward didn't tell them. Grin )

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:41

noname again, I point out that I'm talking about the concept of getting married. Not the wedding itself.

OP posts:
User2005103 · 07/03/2017 20:42

I hear you OP.

I'm the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm still really happy for the couple and would gladly attend the wedding and be really excited for them.....but to me, it just doesn't have the same shine as couples without children, no.

I guess I'm a cow too Wink

napmeistergeneral · 07/03/2017 20:43

Of course you're entitled. Just as I'm entitled to rather not have anyone there who can't be excited for me as a friend or family member or whatever and is secretly rolling their eyes and thinking "why bother?"

londonrach · 07/03/2017 20:44

Ok. Im going against mn here but yanbu.

MrsJayy · 07/03/2017 20:44

Do you think people get married to just have children then why are their weddings marraiges more exciting than those with children , the childless couple may have lived together years before marraige

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:45

Napmeister rest assured, no one is more keen to champion your right to that preference than I.

OP posts:
Bestthingever · 07/03/2017 20:46

I actually admire people who still love each other enough to make the commitment after having been through the trials and tribulations of parenthood.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:47

MrsJayy no I don't think that at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:49

Ha ha Bestthingever! So in a way, you seem to actually experience an element of surprise the other way...? A couple have had DC so in the ordinary course of things one might expect them to break up rather than marry?

OP posts:
napmeistergeneral · 07/03/2017 20:49

Great, glad you're not coming to my wedding. Please extend the same courtesy to anyone with kids who invites you to their wedding - and be busy on the day.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 07/03/2017 20:51

I know what you mean. Probably is unreasonable though.

MsVestibule · 07/03/2017 20:52

TBH, I may have thought the same as you, before I actually lived with somebody and had children, then married. I now realise that I was talking/thinking rubbish too.

My normally traditional mother thought it was lovely that we chose to get married - as she put it, we didn't need to get married - we'd gone through a lot in the previous four years (unexpected pregnancy after only being together for a few months, moved in together when I was 34 weeks pregnant, followed by another baby soon after) and yet we still loved each other enough to know we wanted to promise to spend the rest of our lives together.

Saying those vows were some of the best moments of our lives. My now-DH's voice cracked (and I haven't seen him cry once before) and they were incredibly meaningful to both of us. Definitely not just a rubber stamp.

xStefx · 07/03/2017 20:53

Lmao at this thread, op could do with putting the shovel down now :-)

Scribblegirl · 07/03/2017 20:56

I do get it. When there's kids you've already started the family, couples without them it's like a 'just begun' thing. Would never say it to the couple though!

StealthPolarBear · 07/03/2017 20:56

How old you feel about a couple in their 50s without children getting married?

dingdongthewitchisdead1 · 07/03/2017 20:57

I fucking hate all weddings.. yanbu

Shenanagins · 07/03/2017 20:58

Thing is, it's much more difficult and expensive to walk away from a marriage. Furthermore, when both my husband and I signed on the dotted line, we were entering into a legally binding contract giving us both rights and protection- he becomes entitled to part of my pension and I have rights to his cash, none of which we have without being married.

CosyCoupe88 · 07/03/2017 20:59

That's such a sad thing to read. I am glad I dont think like you

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:59

xStefxAs far as I can tell, I haven't even got the shovel out the shed this evening.
Just because most posters think IABU doesn't mean I'm in any kind of metaphorical hole.

OP posts:
littlefrog3 · 07/03/2017 21:00

I don't feel terribly excited about ANYONE getting wed, so I don't feel any 'less' excited about a couple with kids already than those who don't have kids.

That said, I kind of understand the OP feeling like this, as I have a similar thing about couples who are not married. If they break up, (when not married,) I don't feel as sorry for them as if they are married. I kind of don't take the relationship as serious. (Even if the unmarried couple had been together 3 times longer than the married one.)

Neither does society really.

Someone who works with me recently lost her husband to cancer after 7 years of marriage (10 years together,) and everyone was all over her, she got 2 weeks paid time off, bereavement counselling offered through work, the works..... Someone else lost her partner of 20 years a few months later, and no-one batted an eyelid. Also, she was not allowed time off as he wasn't a relation, he was 'just her live in partner.'