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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it really difficult to get remotely excited about friends getting married when they already have DC with that person?

205 replies

CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:14

Anyone else?

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 07/03/2017 20:22

DH and I got married last summer and both already had DC but had them with someone else. Does that make it exciting enough?

The people who came all seemed to have a nice time so at least they faked their enthusiasm, if necessary

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/03/2017 20:22

It's nice, but not exciting. Even more so are proposals when a couple have a mortgage and kids. It's nice you want to stay together, but it's not really a surprise.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/03/2017 20:23

My excitement wouldn't depend on whether they had kids. More interested in how much I like the couple and how good the party is likely to be.
Mostly weddings are dull and expensive.

LaContessaDiPlump · 07/03/2017 20:23

I should prob also say that I only got married because my extended (religious) family would not have welcomed any kids conceived out of wedlock, and I wanted kids with my partner. That was pretty much our only reason for getting hitched.

However I've subsequently found that being married confers financial protection if you're a SAHM in the event of spousal twattery, so am quite glad to have had that in place (even though DH was very good and didn't become a cheating asshat at all) Grin

rainbowdash888 · 07/03/2017 20:23

I hope you weren't at my wedding, we already had 2 dc. Yabu and unkind

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:24

I have no views one way or another about what one should or shouldn't do in terms of order. It's nothing to do with misplaced judgments about propriety.
It's just that they've already done the thing which, to my mind, is by far the most significant in terms of commitment (whether or not they stay together as a couple forever.....they will forever be connected in some way and have, shared between them, one of the most important aspects of their lives).

OP posts:
JellyWitch · 07/03/2017 20:25

What an odd sort of person could possibly have an issue with someone getting married! If they are a strong couple and making a lifetime commitment then it's a happy occasion, whether they are parents or not.

Does your apathy extend to second marriages where one or both party already have a child but not together?

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:25

I would never show that I'm not excited and I wish all the very best, as I do at any happy life event.

OP posts:
Trills · 07/03/2017 20:25

Are you "excited" when friends get married who don't have children?

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:26

Jelly I never said I have an issue with them getting married. It's just I can't get as excited about it.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 07/03/2017 20:26

I find it a bit odd tbh. Someone at work who already has a DC with ther DP came in with an engagement ring and there was an engagement collection which I just ignored and now she is planning a big wedding.

I'm sure the people who are close enough to be invited to the wedding will really enjoy it and I'm pleased if that what she wants from a relative bystander position I cynically feel that a joint mortgage and a DC are more of a joint commitment than a marriage ceremony.

Juveniledelinquent · 07/03/2017 20:27

You have a very old fashioned outlook. Many couples have children and then get married, get over yourself.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 07/03/2017 20:28

Why does the marriage matter less because they've shagged and had a baby?

It's a marriage they are committing to spend the rest of there lives together and I bloody love a good wedding regardless of if they have children or not

YABU

Sparklingbrook · 07/03/2017 20:28

I can't get excited about weddings at all. That's for the bride and groom. Grin

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 07/03/2017 20:29

I don't see the point in a big ceremony if already living together, have children or it's a subsequent marriage. A wedding to me is a couple starting their journey together.

Mamabear14 · 07/03/2017 20:31

Nobody was really bothered about our engagement. Besides us, obviously. I had 2 sons and we lived together and had DD. We got engaged when she was 9 months old.
We were going to elope for our wedding with the kids, but are now having parents who I hope will at least try and be happy for an afternoon!
Just because they have commitments together doesn't mean that they shouldn't marry. Being my partners wife is important to me.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:32

Juvenile maybe you missed my earlier post?

I have no views one way or another about what one should or shouldn't do in terms of order. It's nothing to do with misplaced judgments about propriety.

OP posts:
bunnylove99 · 07/03/2017 20:32

The OP doesn't necessarily have an old fashioned outlook, she isn't passing judgement on anyone or even having a go at anyone. She is just stating her view that it is hard to get v excited about a wedding between couples who, I guess to all intents ands purposes appear so very 'married ' already.

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/03/2017 20:33

I think, back in the day, a wedding was a portal to a whole new life, and who knew what lay ahead? Both bride and groom probably still lived at home (and may have even been virgins, or have had sex only with each other) so setting up home together was an adventure. Having time alone together was a luxury. Finding out who you really were, as individuals and as a couple, a new journey every day! Then onto the whole new, new life when you started a family...

Now, people tend to be older when they marry, they've already got their own homes and probably live together, they're secure in their jobs, they have dc. All of which makes the wedding still a lovely thing, but not the beginning of a new life that it used to be.

So if it's a bit less exciting, maybe that's it.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:34

Some posters seem to be mistaking my comments as being about the wedding itself.
I can't say I've ever NOT enjoyed a wedding.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 07/03/2017 20:34

A wedding is a nice thing i dont get that excited about weddings tbh last wedding I went to the couple barely made it to their first anniversary they had a 3 month old baby when they split.

FagAshMIL · 07/03/2017 20:34

Well it's not about you is it?

Pinkheart5915 · 07/03/2017 20:34

Yabu

Marriage does not mean less because you already have a dc. I married dh when our ds was 8 weeks old and for me the wedding/marriage meant a lot because it cemented our family

Trills · 07/03/2017 20:36

I think, back in the day, a wedding was a portal to a whole new life

It's been a very long time since that's been the usual case though.

napmeistergeneral · 07/03/2017 20:36

I'm getting married this year to my long term partner. We already have a son. We're having a small wedding that will hopefully be lovely. I'm glad I don't know you so I don't accidentally invite someone who is only pretending to be happy for me. You do realise some people see marriage as part of a journey together and aren't remotely bothered whether their friends deem it worthy of their excitement?