To find it really difficult to get remotely excited about friends getting married when they already have DC with that person?

[CookiesFromTheCookieJar]

Anyone else?

are you religious? My parents seem to feel like this - 'a wedding won't be exciting when you've been together ages and already have kids together', ugh.
Just be happy for others!

My situation - got together, very happy, fell pregnant before we had chance to get married although we talked about it, decided to put off getting married because we'd rather have money for house and baby. Plan to get married in 4 or 5 years with our DD there and it'll be all the more special

I can't imagine basing my level of excitement for my friends and what they choose to do with their lives on what choices I would make in mine. A lot of mean spirited posts on this thread. And we, as a society, wonder why teenagers are all so horrible to each other online

Op, have many of your friends got married to excite you? You must have amazing charisma.

Hats off ohyesiam - bravo

I agree with you in that I don't find it at all exciting when the couple has already got kids. It seems completely backwards to me, and rather pretentious: I'm older with kids but let's pretend I'm a young bride starting their life together with this man, oh yes and get lots of presents even though we've been living together for years and I already have everything I could possibly need? The wedding gifts are supposed to be to set up your first home together, the first time you move out of the family home. So it seems rather gift grabby to me.

In my experience lots of couples who get married after aeons together have been begging the man the marry them for years so there is a lot resentment there. It is also common to get married after a big fracture such a cheating, like how people tend to have a baby after taking their husband back after an affair, as a condition of their return.

You have to wonder why they would take so long to get married if they were truly committed to each other. Having children is not a commitment to the other parent, at best it is a commitment to the child. If it were, then no one with children would split up. In actuality you're more likely to split up after having children than before. So I don't think having children together is more of a commitment than marriage.

Attending a wedding doesn't involve any judgment, can you not just attend and rejoice in the joy of 'love' or is the nephew ole world so horrible that even weddings become something judgmental and nasty!???

And, honestly, why 'do you have to wonder' why they wouldn't marry before now.

Are you that miserable that you have to cast doubt on every happy story? I would want you nowhere near my wedding.

How can you even afford a wedding when you have kids? I am all for big parties, but it doesn't feel right to spend money on a selfish day when most people have a limited budget. I love my kids, but am also glad I went on my honeymoon without them, and we didn't have to go on a budget trip.

Is that why hosts start charging for food and drink? Weird.

SparkleSunshine your post is very mean. Just because a couple do something in a "backwards order" to what society dictates is the norm, doesn't mean the groom has been dragged up the aisle, someone's cheated or the bride wants to rewind the clock back ten years and pretend to be a 20 something bride.

sparkle- I agree. In fact I think we should make sure all brides are virgins, just to make sure that things are done in the right order.

Personally I agree and I think the bride is a screaming hypocrite if she isn't a virgin but is wearing a white dress.

I can't stand it when women don't vow to obey their husbands.

And I've even seen some women not be given away by their husbands.

And don't get me started on all those gay people who think they should be allowed to get married.

To quote Homer Simpson: "IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, I'M BEING SARCASTIC!"

It can mean more i think.

A whike ago though i decided i was never going to another wedding as long as i lived. Weirdly now (age and life stage related) i havent had to go to one for ag3s but a frien d with 2 kids is getting married. Im happy for them. Now i know her husband. Now i know he's a good guy and she knows he is the type to do get up in the night.

sparkle- You have to wonder why they would take so long to get married if they were truly committed to each other.

So you need a little help to think outside the box.

Despite being committed to each other some couples are not committed to the notion of marriage,

Does that make it a little easier?

Sparkle, such a generalisation. My friend's fiance sister died and he became a lot less sociable but they postponed their wedding. Had two kids cos of age and new lives in to family healef. Now he is ready for a big social celebration.

It sounds backward, because it seems couple decide to "let's have a child and see how it goes" then, and only then, think if they are right for each other and decide to commit to each other.
I fail to see how seriously thinking if you could spend your life with each other, if you agree on the big things, if you are going in the same direction BEFORE having children is backward.

Sure you can divorce, but do you really plan to divorce on your wedding day?

I find it really difficult to get remotely excited about other people getting married in general, but there is something a bit more special about those that are true family occasions with their children present.

Well sparkle, how's about this? DP and I have a DC. We aren't married.

Because I lost my DM and guess what, I didn't feel like planning a wedding without her, after it was something we'd talked about often. The thought of trying on wedding dresses without her broke my heart, never mind the thought of my father sitting by himself at the front of the church.

Now it's been a few years and the pain has softened - on a daily basis at least - we might well get married. How lovely to see that we'd just be pretentious if we dared to have a big wedding and invite all our friends and family to share in it

I'd be tempted to invite you and shove the church right up your judgey pants - spire first!!!

What a strange post OP.

I think you should be honest with your friends then they can decide to invite you or invite somebody else.

Are you not excited because they're your friends and you like them? That's my basis for excitement / happiness at weddings. The fact that people I like or love are happy. And the fact that it's a party. If you don't like them enough to be happy for them, don't go.

I shall be sure to suck a lemon before the next one I attend to get the appropriate level of cats bum mouth (thanks also to the op for providing a handy acceptable excitement levels scale)

That should say pp, not op. The op hasn't provided anything nearly so helpful. Over enthusiastic autocorrect!

I think I get what the OP is trying to say.

Say that marriage or babies is the first sign of commitment. If a couple without children get married it's the first sign at commitment so it's exciting.

If a couple with children get married they have already proved their commitment by getting married therefore not as exciting.

I find any wedding exciting. Food, drinks dancing and lots of love what's not to get excited about?!?

I don't like this view that weddings are more special if there are children there. Every wedding is special to the couple, children or no children. We decided to get married before we had children, I'm not sitting here thinking "damn it's just not special enough, if only we had children"

We decided to get married before we had children, I'm not sitting here thinking ^"damn it's just not special enough, if only we had children"

This ^

I'm also sensing a strange sense of smugness coming off of some of the married after children posts. Yet another, 'we did it our way'.

Applause please.

I couldn't go to the wedding of a couple who had lived together for years and had kids. I just couldn't keep a straight face. I would really resent buying the greedy grabby bastards a present as well.

The latent smugness coming off the couple marrying like this would make me furious.

Why now ? Why get married now ? I mean, really ? Why ? Isn't it all a bit pointless ?

You've got each other and you're probably one of the, 'marriage is just a piece of paper' brigade anyway. You've got the kids. You're financially and romantically committed to each other. So, why now ?

You want confetti ? You want presents ? You want to be the blushing bride and the nervous groom ?

What utter fakery. You're having a laugh.