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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it really difficult to get remotely excited about friends getting married when they already have DC with that person?

205 replies

CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 20:14

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 07/03/2017 21:02

I don't understand.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 21:03

Stealth hmmm... hadn't thought about that. I suppose my reaction would differ depending on whether they'd been together for aeons, or if they'd met last week at the British Museum cafe.

OP posts:
rainingkitsandpups · 07/03/2017 21:04

YANBU.

Ericaequites · 07/03/2017 21:08

If you and your partner have had children together, a small discreet wedding is best.
Legally, it's best to marry before having children with someone. Marriage has evolved to provide for and protect children.

skerrywind · 07/03/2017 21:11

Can;t stand any weddings.

hollieberrie · 07/03/2017 21:12

Yanbu. I hate all weddings, even those of really good friends, just expensive and boring. I'm a natural introvert - a wedding party is pretty much my worst nightmare Grin

seafoodeatit · 07/03/2017 21:13

I don't feel excited at people getting married either, I wouldn't be less enthused because they had children together, I don't think it's relevant.

pigeondujour · 07/03/2017 21:14

I don't think it about actually getting married but when people with kids together get 'engaged' in the traditional manner I do think, get a grip.

herecomesthsun · 07/03/2017 21:14

I imagine the kids might well be excited.

Ours are a bit disappointed we got married before they were around to enjoy the party. They are 5 and 8, and partial to both parties and cake.

BillSykesDog · 07/03/2017 21:17

I remember feeling excited about the first couple of friends getting married. After that, happy for them but not excited. And often when people have kids they're the later ones and it comes as no great surprise plus they tend to have lower key weddings. So, yeah. Sort of know what you mean OP. Tend to be less 'exciting' weddings, but no less happy for them.

WannaBe · 07/03/2017 21:21

I think excited is the wrong word though. A wedding is a wedding really regardless but tbh I do think that when a couple gets married after having the mortgage and the kids that in reality it's just a formality rather than anything else.

There's no anticipation of the future you plan together because they've already done it all. The wedding just seals the deal so to speak.

Benedikte2 · 07/03/2017 21:23

IME many couples who get married after a number of years and children together separate a couple of years later ! So I always sort of hold my breath and hope for the best for them.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 07/03/2017 21:25

It's just that they've already done the thing which, to my mind, is by far the most significant in terms of commitment

Sure, but unless they invited you to put on a nice frock and drink champagne at either the conception or the birth, I don't really get your point.

haveacupoftea · 07/03/2017 21:26

Christ how depressing are the responses on this thread?

wizzywig · 07/03/2017 21:27

I find its the same when people are having a baby via csection and they tell everyone what they are having, the name of the baby and the section date. Its not exciting for me anymore. Yes it is about me

wizzywig · 07/03/2017 21:28

I find its the same when people are having a baby via csection and they tell everyone what they are having, the name of the baby and the section date. Its not exciting for me anymore. Yes it is about me

mycatisginger · 07/03/2017 21:30

I am getting married next year. We have a DD. We are very excited!!! I am feeling that it will be MORE special because our DD can share that day with us.

Beanimum · 07/03/2017 21:31

I'm with you OP.

It's such a special thing when a couple commits to each other. It's special however they decide to mark the occasion, and whether or not they want children together.

When couples chose to have children before getting married, I assume they made the decision to commit to each other before having the children, so I don't see the engagement announcement as exciting as one which is announcing a commitment.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 21:31

TheOnlyLivingToy Now I'm confused....

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 07/03/2017 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 21:32

Beanimum thank you for articulating it so much better than I did

OP posts:
meganorks · 07/03/2017 21:33

You should probably tell them so they could save a bit of money on your place at the wedding or they could have someone there who is happy for them. MN is the most miserable place for weddings. Everyone hates and resents them. All my friends bloody love a wedding!

Original poster
CookiesFromTheCookieJar · 07/03/2017 21:33

megan Again, never said I dislike a wedding

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 07/03/2017 21:35

Why confused? You said you're not fussed about the wedding because they already have children, but you weren't to witness and celebrate THAT, one hopes?

Toottootcar · 07/03/2017 21:38

So should we not bother with graduations either as we already know what they've got?