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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hasn't put his hand in his pocket for 48 hours

198 replies

Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:16

My cousin's son is staying for a long weekend from overseas.
He's a student
I've paid for everything and I'm down about £200.
He hadn't offered to pay for a even a drink.
I feel very guilty moaning about this as I'm remembering when I was 18 and his family paid for me I'm sure.
But I'm really juggling money atm.
I don't want to go out today if I have to fork out more money.
And he was out on a pub crawl with friends last night and got an uber back

OP posts:
Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:18

He's not a quiet shy boy and he's well travelled and been to London a couple of times before.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 05/03/2017 08:20

Stay in and feed him sandwiches! Please say you didn't pay for his uber?

mygorgeousmilo · 05/03/2017 08:20

Why are you paying? How did it rack up to £200 it just makes no sense. Just say to him that you can't afford it as you have bills, home to run etc. Teach him a life lesson

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/03/2017 08:21

£200, what on?

When's he leaving?

OnHold · 05/03/2017 08:21

If he was out on a pub crawl he probably doesn't want to do much today anyway.

Hellmouth · 05/03/2017 08:21

Just stay in, if he wants to go out enough he's old enough to do it on his own with his own money!

witwootoodleoo · 05/03/2017 08:22

Just tell him you can't afford to do anything today but point him in the direction of some free museums if he wants to go out. That way you won't end up paying for his lunch etc

OnHold · 05/03/2017 08:22

Did you pay for his night out? And if you did.Why?

QuiteLikely5 · 05/03/2017 08:23

Who paid for his pub crawl? And did his parents foot the bill for your stay entirely?

Perhaps they remember it all to fondly and this is their payback Grin

Iamastonished · 05/03/2017 08:24

Surely you didn't sub his evening out? Why would you do that? It isn't usual you know.

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 05/03/2017 08:25

You offered to have him stay?
It's only a long weekend, it will soon be over. Lie low today.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 08:26

Email your cousin and ask her to transfer his allowance to you!

Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 08:26

£200? On what? What are you feeding him?!

lovetonamechange · 05/03/2017 08:27

If he's hungover start doing loud diy. Cook something like fish poached in milk.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:31

I don't pay for his night out or uber.
We were doing central London tourist things, lunches, dinners, drinks, Oyster cards.

£200 is what I've spent in total, so for me and ds too.

OP posts:
Wellitwouldbenice · 05/03/2017 08:36

Why didn't you plan and budget??? Free museums are a good idea...

Littledidsheknow · 05/03/2017 08:38

Don't take him out any more.
Would an 18 year old really want to be going out with you and the kids doing tourist things anyway? Would he have done these things himself without you?
Perhaps he thought he was being polite and coming along to things that you wanted to do!

Trifleorbust · 05/03/2017 08:40

I know lots of 18 year olds who would assume a family friend who suggested a day out was paying. Who is suggesting the activities?

BillSykesDog · 05/03/2017 08:43

My family are exactly the same TBH. When I was a teenager/student I was taken out and treated when I visited relatives. Now I do the same for their teenage relatives. It would certainly raise eyebrows if I had been prepared to take, take, take when it was my turn but wouldn't do the same in return.

When I've had to do this and not been flush I've cut my coat according to my cloth. So lots of trips to free museums and galleries and sandwiches in the park as opposed to going out to dinner. I do think you've slightly made your own bed by doing expensive things.

You're going to get a lot of people saying that he's taking the piss because they don't come from families where this is the norm. But in families where it's standard and you accepted it yourself as a teenager it's fine.

I would just tot it up to experience and next time hosting younger relatives do cheaper things. If you make an issue of it his parents would be furious if they did the same for you as a teenager.

Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 08:46

So you've spent £60/£70 on him, at least some of which (the dinners and drinks) could have been done much more cheaply if you'd gone home.

YABU. Like Bill says, you're the host, it's your responsibility to plan according to your budget.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:46

Tbh I thought he would come and just go amd do his own thing
I didn't think I'd be his tour guide

His family have been our tour guides for years when we go there.

OP posts:
araiwa · 05/03/2017 08:49

so you take take take but begrudge £60? yabu

hmmwhatatodo · 05/03/2017 08:51

So, his family used to pay everything for you when you were a similar age and his family also act as tour guides for you when you all visit them, and they have been doing so for years. But you didn't expect to have to take him anywhere or pay for anything? Umm...

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/03/2017 08:52

His family have been our tour guides for years when we go there.

Right so it's ok as long as it's one way Hmm

Flisstizzy · 05/03/2017 08:52

If his family have done it for you 'for years' how can you begrudge this now?
You need to have an honest chat about budgets and look for free things going forward.

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