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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hasn't put his hand in his pocket for 48 hours

198 replies

Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:16

My cousin's son is staying for a long weekend from overseas.
He's a student
I've paid for everything and I'm down about £200.
He hadn't offered to pay for a even a drink.
I feel very guilty moaning about this as I'm remembering when I was 18 and his family paid for me I'm sure.
But I'm really juggling money atm.
I don't want to go out today if I have to fork out more money.
And he was out on a pub crawl with friends last night and got an uber back

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/03/2017 09:16

Some of the food was you ordering pizza for your DC and friend though.

lovetonamechange · 05/03/2017 09:16

Why so much on Oyster cards?

hmmwhatatodo · 05/03/2017 09:16

You seem very keen to get some money out of him!

SpoofersAreLosers · 05/03/2017 09:18

If this is real

I was crying on Thursday because it was obvious I was going to have to do this.

OP, I think you've been a bit daft (sorry). You could have easily said that you don't want to accompany him into London and I'm sure he wouldn't have minded. You could have also easily done something local. The other blindingly obvious thing you could have done is to ask him to pay for something himself. How hard is it to say 'Do you mind getting your own oyster card?'

Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 09:19

So it's not about the money now you just dislike hosting him?

And you have no money but will happily pay for a takeaway for DS's friend on a weekend when you know you'll have the extra expense of this kid staying too?

What is really going on here OP?

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:19

Hmm- you're quite right.
I can't be bothered doing anything.
I just want to stay in alone most of the time, or just do stuff with ds, which was why I was so stressed and anxious about him coming.
But he didn't pick up on any tension, I told him before he arrived about our plans today, and he said no, it's kind of a kids thing.

I think I should just say no to visitors

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 09:20

And if you can't afford to buy water take your own from home! Buying bottled water once out in central London is clearly not the cheapest way to go about it. Why are you expecting him to pick up the slack for your poor hosting?

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:21

£20 each on Oyster card for 3 days?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 05/03/2017 09:22

You sound like a horrible host-say no next time.

If he'd paid for some bottles of water, would you be happier?

Meluzyna · 05/03/2017 09:22

We drummed into our kids that they should always offer to pay for something (ice creams or whatever, as you say) in this type of situation, but the hosts very rarely accepted and I certainly wouldn't with students.

Iamastonished · 05/03/2017 09:23

"I can't be bothered doing anything.
I just want to stay in alone most of the time, or just do stuff with ds,"

Are you OK? Do you have anxiety?

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:24

I took water from home

Ice cream is not just for Summer!

I didn't say I have no money, I'm juggling money atm.

I was actually going to start a thread last week about how I didn't want to do this.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 09:27

It's not his fault is it poor kid.

Even if his parents put pressure on you etc it's still not his fault. And if he said 'I'm easy' about what to do and you interpreted that as 'entertain me with a full day out' I'm not sure you can blame him for that either.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:28

Thank you meluzyna, we were too.

I'm not a horrible host- I have my happy smiley face on, I offer him something every time I have something, although he knows to help himself.
We chat, talk about politics, the economy, state of the world.

OP posts:
ambereeree · 05/03/2017 09:29

I'm sure when you stayed with his family they also had weekends when they wanted to stay at home Hmm
YABVU he's much younger and it's only a weekend!

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:29

He's a nice kid
This is just the wrong time I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:29

Exactly amberee, that's why I feel bad

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 05/03/2017 09:31

I think you're in a bit of a bind. Because you've been happy to accept hospitality but are refusing return visits and making people unwelcome when they do come. By all means say no to visitors, but be prepared to lose the friendship of your relations over this.

You'll also have to accept that you and DS will no longer have access to free or cheap trips away by accepting other people's hospitality. If you're saying no visitors you have to stop visiting too. And bear in mind this will also mean that when DS is a teenager you can't expect relatives to host him either.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:34

Er, I'm not refusing return visits or making people unwelcome
I'm not really going to say no them.

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 05/03/2017 09:35

So you're still going to accept hospitality from other people even when saying 'no visitors' yourself?

Iamastonished · 05/03/2017 09:36

"Ice cream is not just for Summer!"

Who really fancies and ice-cream in this weather? I don't, and most people I know don't either.

BillSykesDog · 05/03/2017 09:36

Because you did just say you thought you were going to say no visitors.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:37

I did this last year when one of my best friends and her kids came to stay.
I just dreaded it and was so glad when it was over.
But we also had a wonderful time, and the kids were great friends. No dramas.

I've been telling the Gp about my anxiety and stress for years, I think it's worse now as menopause approaches.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 09:39

I think you have to look at your attitude towards this tbh.

You could have started a thread saying you're hosting your relative for the weekend, he's a lovely boy but for some reason you're finding it very stressful, haven't budgeted properly and found yourself down quite a bit of money. Some people would have told you to pull yourself together but others would have been sympathetic and helped you think about why you didn't want to host, how to resolve this for future etc.

Instead you started a thread moaning about spending money on activities you planned and moaned about the money you'd spent on yourself and your DS as being part of his expense as a visitor.

It's not about blaming other people. You pretty much created this scenario you have to take responsibility. Which includes asking for help rather than hiding behind 'ohh what a cheek he has I can't afford it'

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 09:39

People will argue with anything
It was actually quite a nice day yesterday
And we have ice cream all the time!

OP posts: