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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hasn't put his hand in his pocket for 48 hours

198 replies

Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 08:16

My cousin's son is staying for a long weekend from overseas.
He's a student
I've paid for everything and I'm down about £200.
He hadn't offered to pay for a even a drink.
I feel very guilty moaning about this as I'm remembering when I was 18 and his family paid for me I'm sure.
But I'm really juggling money atm.
I don't want to go out today if I have to fork out more money.
And he was out on a pub crawl with friends last night and got an uber back

OP posts:
Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 17:15

And we had many a 'row' about who was paying.
But I think it all worked itself out

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 05/03/2017 18:02

Completely unrelated but you seem to find a lot of things stressful with DS.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 18:10

Yeah ds is lovely but he's always been full on

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 05/03/2017 18:12

How old is your DS?

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2017 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RebelRogue · 05/03/2017 18:18

Is this part of your anxiety? The worry that others might judge,be annoyed,have enough etc...while when it's just you and him you just get on with it?

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 18:18

9

OP posts:
Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 18:21

That's what happens rebel he's a different child with other people. I'm not sure it's part of my anxiety. I worry about everything now

OP posts:
choccyp1g · 05/03/2017 18:25

yabu. hes only quite young and if his parents organized his trip here he probably assumes that you'll pay for things you do together. Seeing as his parents have payed for you to do things before, this is not an issue.

RebelRogue · 05/03/2017 18:30

My opinion is to forget about this thread(yes yabu,but you also aren't as there's a multitude of issues at play here simply blowing up at his visit,plus he's leaving tomorrow) and start another one about help with your anxiety,or even better seek real life support.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 18:31

Well I mean it's not the reason why I'm anxious about visitors.

His parents are my age, his gp's paid for me, and he organised his trip, not his parents. But yeah, iabu.

OP posts:
Downtheroadfirstonleft · 05/03/2017 18:33

Poor kid.

You've been hosted by his family, but are now being a horrible, resentful host in return.

You could have had a lovely, fun, cheap weekend if you'd tried. London is one of the few places that have a wealth of free options.

jayne1976 · 05/03/2017 18:36

If his family could take you out and pay for stuff -Great!
If you can't but you're still willing to put him up then you shouldn't feel bad, just try opt for cheaper stuff

Original poster
Ferrisday · 05/03/2017 21:49

So it seems he had a good time today with his friends. They just did sightseeing stuff but he mentioned lunch and dinner.

His flight isn't until 9pm, what do I do tomorrow?
I only have from 10-2

OP posts:
Elvisrocks · 05/03/2017 23:43

When I was 20 and a uni student, I was clueless and would have expected family hosting me to pay for everything. I'm not like that now Smile

unfortunateevents · 06/03/2017 00:26

Do nothing with him tomorrow! He is 20, he has friends here, he has an Oyster card and is perfectly capable of getting himself into London. You sound completely stressed out by this whole visit so just explain that you are busy and he will need to look after himself. Presumably he needs to be at the airport at 7 so give him a time to be back at yours for some food (not more takeaway expense!) and then get him to the airport.

goinglocomoto · 06/03/2017 08:11

Definitely leave him to his own devices tomorrow, he's probably looking forward to some time by himself, just like you are!

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2017 08:21

Let him go off by himself and explore. Tell him what time he needs to be back to get his flight. Send him off with some sandwiches and a drink. Then fix him an easy tea before he leaves. Or maybe ask him if he'd like to cook anything for you for lunch if he doesn't want to go out. Failing that, he can play on the Xbox or some such with your ds.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2017 08:22

Scrap that ds will be at school.

roarityroar · 06/03/2017 08:54

It'a unreasonable that you expect him to guess that this is what you want.

Kiroro · 06/03/2017 10:26

Jesus I don't think being a host really suits you OP. I honestly can not believe the bitching you are dong about this guy.

His family hosted and paid for you.

Now you are bitching because you took him, your DS and you out and about in London and spent money you didn't really have?

Try and be a more generous nicer frame of mind. You can't get the money back so focus on the fact you did a nice thing and it may well be paid back when your DS is 19 and can go and stay with this guy for a weekend!

I would never expect a visitor to pay for stuff that I suggested we do. Just like I would take us our for a nice walk / mooch round free things / lunch in the house if I was having a tight month.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 06/03/2017 11:20

Yeah thanks kiroro
I've said iabu

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teresa2003 · 06/03/2017 12:25

I think OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time here. I often have family to stay e.g. my DB and his wife or my DS and partner and my DGCs. Whilst I would never dream of asking them to contribute to the extra large utility bill whilst they stay house is like Blackpool illuminations or the cost of considerably larger shopping bill (I feed them really well, DH looks forward to their visits as we eat so much better !) or to the cost of any takeaways we might have whilst they're here, once we are outside the house we more or less take it in turns to pay for coffees, snacks, rounds of drinks in the evening ,meals out etc. I don't get this concept that if you have house guests then you should supply/pay for everything when you are out of the house. Fine if you're having a meal in their honour or whatever but basic everyday drinks snacks that you purchase whilst out and about or bus,tram or tube fares wouldn't occur to me or certainly none of my family have ever stood back presuming I would pay for all these too.

teresa2003 · 06/03/2017 12:28

Plus I think OP has said that although they accommodated her in return when she went there that she actually paid her own way from age of 18 as far as everyday 'petty cash items ' were concerned

Original poster
Ferrisday · 06/03/2017 14:19

So I couldn't really do anything today, I wasn't finished waking the dog til 10.30 and I'm waiting in for deliveries so he said he had some college work to do.
We watched Homeland together and since then I've been trying to find where my £2000 payment to John Lewis has gone, it seems it's disappeared into the ether.
As have my late husbands NI contributions, so no widows pension.
And my monthly payment should be paid on the 5th and no sign.
That's the money juggling.

OP posts: