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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is she right?

133 replies

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:21

My daughter has started with a new music teacher. She is a very able student and way beyond her expected level for her age. As someone who has never had music lessons before and understands very little about it i have always sat in on her lessons to keep up with what she is learning. My child turned 6 a few months ago.

On our first lesson with the new music teacher she said "Are you planning to stay?" I replied "yes" Then she looked a little funny (however could have been my interpretation. She then said "you can sit in my lounge while i teach your daughter." I then replied that i normally sit with my daughter in her lessons so i know what to 'teach' her at home. She then replied "well i wouldn't expect you to teach her" i then replied "i don't mean teach her, but just to go through what you've done in her lesson." She then said "i don't have any children who have their parents sit in on lessons." Then proceeded to lead me to her lounge, where i stayed (in her defence she left the lounge door open and the music room door open)

I am now wondering whether i should have been more assertive or she was right, i shouldn't be sitting in the lesson with my child?

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 04/03/2017 13:23

I wouldn't have sat in tbh. She'll get bits to practice at home and you can supervise that. Sitting in is totally unnecessary, even at 6.

Windyone · 04/03/2017 13:24

Surely it's up to the teacher? If you don't like the arrangement then I think you need to find a different teacher.

araiwa · 04/03/2017 13:25

yes

Somehowsomewhere · 04/03/2017 13:26

Find a different teacher if you don't like her methods.
I had piano lessons from 5 and my parents never stayed. They also didn't play the piano. My teacher told me what to practice for the following week.

Sweets101 · 04/03/2017 13:26

DD's have their lessons in school, the teacher has invited me in but i'm at work, so.
I sit and help with their practice but the fact I wasn't at the lesson doesn't hinder that. Presumably you can play/read music yourself?

Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:27

ElspethFlashman-do you really believe that? Even if their level of playing is high but because of their immature age they cannot grasp concepts as quickly. Also bearing in mind i don't know this person well as it was her first lesson?

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2017 13:29

If your child was content and not clinging to you I would think she was better off just with the teacher. It was nice of the teacher to leave the doors open so you could feel you were in range. I haven't heard of anyone sitting in on a lesson. DD enjoyed her lesson, I take it?

Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:30

sweets101-I cannot read/play music as i explained. That is why i stay. The previous three tutors i've had have always said that 'it can only benefit a child if the person monitoring a child's practice at home knows what they are doing in the lesson."

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Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:32

Donkey- My daughter said she wanted me to stay. However, i told her it would be ok. She said the lesson was ok afterwards. I think she left the doors open because of what i said to be honest.

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 04/03/2017 13:32

But I don't understand - you may not know her well but you know she's a professional music teacher. She's not some randomer who's not used to kids. And if your child didn't like her, she'd be well able to tell you.

I had music lessons about that age and I'm not sure what my parents would have brought to the table, tbh. They heard me practice at night and as long as I did my half an hour or whatever, that was fine.

If she's not understanding what the teacher is saying then the teacher will keep on at it in subsequent lessons until she does - that's what teachers do.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/03/2017 13:33

You don't half get through music teachers OP. What happened to the other three?

Sweets101 · 04/03/2017 13:34

Ah sorry skim read in that case yes I would want to be in the lesson too. They practice much better if supervised and actively supported to stay on task, especially at that age. It's a nice thing to do together too.
I would raise it with the teacher and if she can't accommodate you find a new tutor.

Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 13:35

It is up to her whether she is prepared to teach your daughter under the circumstances you prefer. It is up to you whether you wish to engage her services if she doesn't offer what you prefer. There is no right or wrong here.

Why might she prefer not to be supervised? Well, I suspect that is obvious, isn't it?

Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:35

ElspethFlashman-Well it was at her house and not in a school where i know the teachers have been fully vetted and CRB checked. Even then you cannot guarantee who is teaching your children. But in a personal 'home' environment to just leave my child for the first time, without knowing the teachers temperament or teaching style i personally thought was a little off putting.

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 04/03/2017 13:36

Blimy that's a lot of music teachers

Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 13:36

Oh and where I come from that is known as teaching two people rather than one - she isn't offering BOGOF lessons.

BackforGood · 04/03/2017 13:36

"The previous three tutors i've had"

..... and your child is still only 6 ?

If your child is old enough to have lessons, she's old enough to sit in a room and have the lesson without you. However, the fact you are on your 4th music teacher when your dd is barely old enough to be even starting to learn, says a lot, IMO.

Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:38

Dione- my daughter has had different music tutors because she plays at school and goes to the teachers house in the holidays where i stay. She has theory/aural lessons which i stay for and learns another instrument too. Does that make it clearer. Hence the different teachers.

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Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:40

why do people on here judge how many music teachers I've had without asking why and being rude? Could you have not thought i may have relocated, hence the different music teachers or the fact that two instruments are being learnt...Why are some people so mean IMO.

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ElspethFlashman · 04/03/2017 13:41

Tbh it's a bit helicopter parenting. I'd have had no problem sitting outside and listening through the wall.

And it could be construed as you wanting a free lesson for yourself, tbh.

But by all means switch teachers again if you think she's unreasonable.

Somehowsomewhere · 04/03/2017 13:41

I think that if you're not happy with the method of teaching you need to find a new teacher. And discuss upfront your preferences with regards to staying in the lesson.

Finola1step · 04/03/2017 13:44

I am a private tutor (not music). When teaching in my home, I have no issue with the parent sitting in the lounge area for the first lesson or two. But never in the teaching space - far too distracting. But after a max of three lessons, I would suggest they pop out for a coffee etc.

I have never had to do this though as I have never had a parent stay beyond the first lesson. Most drop at the door from lesson 1.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 04/03/2017 13:44

I have never sat in on any of the dc's music lessons beyond the first one or two. For one instrument the teacher comes here but for piano they go to her. I'm not entirely sure I see the need. If they are struggling with something at home then the teacher will work on it again at the next lesson.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2017 13:44

Ok, so your DD is a year younger than I was when I started music lessons, but my mother NEVER sat in on any of my lessons at all. She never helped me at home either, beyond telling me to practise.

I think you're helicoptering your DD here, if I'm honest. Sorry.

Original poster

coccolocco · 04/03/2017 13:45

Of course i will switch tutors, however because i'm not musical and have had no lessons myself i thought i would ask the question if this is the 'norm.' Also as my other tutors have always insisted that i sit in on the lessons it was unusual to me, that's all. To be honest i'm just going to stick to my way as my daughter has done so well with this method. Furthermore, some posters may think that 6 is the start of music learning but there are children out there who have been playing since they were 3/4 years old! It may shock you to know that!

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