Is she right?

[coccolocco]

My daughter has started with a new music teacher. She is a very able student and way beyond her expected level for her age. As someone who has never had music lessons before and understands very little about it i have always sat in on her lessons to keep up with what she is learning. My child turned 6 a few months ago.

On our first lesson with the new music teacher she said "Are you planning to stay?" I replied "yes" Then she looked a little funny (however could have been my interpretation. She then said "you can sit in my lounge while i teach your daughter." I then replied that i normally sit with my daughter in her lessons so i know what to 'teach' her at home. She then replied "well i wouldn't expect you to teach her" i then replied "i don't mean teach her, but just to go through what you've done in her lesson." She then said "i don't have any children who have their parents sit in on lessons." Then proceeded to lead me to her lounge, where i stayed (in her defence she left the lounge door open and the music room door open)

I am now wondering whether i should have been more assertive or she was right, i shouldn't be sitting in the lesson with my child?

Mind you, there are an awful lot of posters on here who don't appear to know the difference between 'practice' and 'practise.'

made me check...

Tbh you sound rather precious and are at a guess a tiger mother preparing for a future music scholarship..never known anyone sit in with a child of that age at a music lesson. You don't need to know exactly what she has learnt in order to go through it with her after geez 😁 chill out

Thank you all. You have made everything much clearer.

I can only echo what all the other Music teachers have said, being one myself. I do find it a lot harder to build a relationship with my student with the parent in the room...of course that's fine for the first lesson but if your child has been playing awhile then really it is the norm to let them do it alone. It helps them build independence and confidence in their own ability.

I always invite my parents (of little ones) in for a concert at the end of most lessons so they can hear what we have been working on and hear what needs to be practiced that week.

I find it really helpful when parents practice alongside their children but it's not necessary for you to know everything as your child will teach you. And that is where you can write in the book any questions or bits your child doesn't understand, which is much more helpful to the teacher than you trying to go over something which you may not fully understand why and then introduce a bad technique or something.

I would say, at Age 6 - make sure you have the right teacher for your child. They need to be engaging and make lessons fun so your child wants to go every week and practice at home.

I would not be offended in the slightest if a parent asked to see a copy of my CRB (DBS). This has never happened. I am often surprised at how readily parents will just leave me in a room with their child and close the door! Although if you do find a tutor through firsttutors.co.uk they will verify this for you (and qualifications).

I think it's absolutely wonderful you are able to provide music lessons for your child and are so encouraging with practice but do remember that part of being a musician is having confidence and belief in yourself.

I'd love to know what Grade your daughter is? I think you should get some piano lessons yourself - it's never too late to learn :)

Op you are not sounding either pleasant or balanced here.

I played from age 4 and even my extreme helicopter parent didn't sit in on my lessons. My teacher only took me so young because I could already read very competently at 3 (classical music teacher)

I'd be concerned as a teacher (and I taught music later and taught other things) that you say your child can't grasp the concepts. A good teacher should have a range of ways to communicate these to your child and if it's still not working she may not be ready to learn at that level or in that way yet despite of ability.

Suzuki is totally different but I not aware of any classical music teacher I know and I have known a lot over the years who would routinely have a parent in the room or have the remotest expectations of you teaching at home.

I am sure there will be some though and if that is your expectations then you need to lay that out clearly until you find a teacher who is a good fit for what you want.

BeyondthePage, Sit down. I'm afraid I have some bad news...

thanks so much seven, for your wonderful advice. is there a way to private message you to tell you her grade? I will take on all your tips. I just was trying to find a teacher that would really engage her because of her grade they often forget that she has just turned 6!

My DD is a piano teacher 9private lessons) and she is CRB checked. So ask the teacher if you are worried about this, - many will be.

My DD's pupils parents don't stay, but I don't think she'd be that bothered if they did(she occasionally goes to people's houses to teach and the parents hang about) but it can be awkward if parents chip in one parent (actually it was a grandparent) she had kept berating the child if she made a mistake and in the end DD had to ask her to leave the room as it was v. unhelpful.

If you came to our house for lessons, I'd probably give you a cup of tea and you could sit in the lessons (but that is because we have one large living area and no spare downstairs room) When DD was a pupil, we had to travel a long distance for lessons for one of her instruments and the teacher had a little waiting area, where I sat and read a book until she finished.

Thanks for your advice, perhaps my wording has not done justice to my daughters ability.

DS1(11) plays guitar very well. I've never sat in on a lesson, never really spoken to his Music teacher other than a quick hello and "he's doing well" every so often. It would hinder him enormously if I was more involved. I also play guitar but haven't ever tried to teach DS1 because what he learns in his lessons is between him and his teacher. We sometimes play his music together with him teaching me - it builds his confidence, makes it fun and DS2 can join in with his ukelele (which he learns at school). He has instructions from his teacher as to what he needs to work on; if he does, he does, if he doesn't, he won't pass his next grade. The tiger-parenting thing isn't for us.

There is no way that I would be able to teach as effectively as I usually do with a parent watching my every move!

This is why parent helpers hear children read, or do other tasks, in the shared area outside my classroom rather than in the room.

OP is your daughter good at playing the piano? I wasn't sure as you forgot to feel the need to mention it 😂😂😂😂😂

theeholeplacestinks- thanks, you have restored my faith in humanity.

As someone who tutors I would not really like if an adult was to sit in on my sessions every time. I quite often have a parent join us for the first session but after this I think it may hamper learning be counter productive.

thanks, i thought she should have allowed me to sit in on the first session. I wouldn't have sat in after that.

If you wanted to make clear how good she is you would just have stated her grade instead of pissing about with hints and vague statements.

To be honest i'm just going to stick to my way as my daughter has done so well with this method

You're going to struggle to find tutors then, because they do things their and not yours.

If you haven't bothered to make sure a tutor is DBS checked or that they don't mind you sitting on their lesson, that really is your problem, OP. If I was tutoring your DD I would be pleased we disagreed on this so early, as it would give me a good reason to decline your business before I started to like your child.

I have never sat in for dd1 and dd2's lessons, but I do for ds, as the teachers invited me to.

The reason I do for ds is he was quite ill last year and sometimes even now he suddenly flops having seemed fine 10 minutes earlier. I can see the signs and as he sometimes vomits with this it's better all round if I'm there to remove him swiftly.

However I would not expect to be there except in watching capacity. If I was there to pick up what the teacher said and translate it back for home it would make ds uninclined to question anything he didn't understand, and hence not be as good for his music.

I'm amused by the way ahead of children though. Somehow that's always said by non-musical parents and I've never heard it said about a child who really is special by their own wanting.
I remember my cousin (grade 5 or 6 at 6yo) and I commented that he was doing the same grades as my friends on the piano (me being nearly 10yrars older) my aunt said "I suppose he is doing well. I hadn't really thought about it other than he enjoys it".
And it was true he loved his music, couldn't stop him practicing for anything.
He's now a professional and doing very well.

Maybe you could of made your intentions clear prior to the actual lesson. Then the music teacher could of had an opportunity to discuss how they work. By getting into a discussion whilst your daughter was present could well of added to her initially wanting you to stay. However, after you let her know it was ok, she settled straight away.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. (not)

Somehow-how do you not know I'm a western parent but stating a fact about asian parenting...you do assume a lot?

You were the one who brought up your culture and the difference between Asian parenting and Western. I think it was a fair assumption to draw.

Anyway, my tuppence worth, I work in a primary school with young children about the same age. Normally they are a well behaved and attentive class. However once or twice a term we have an afternoon where the parents come in and we put on a little show about what we have learned. Just our class, just our parents, in the classroom.
The normally well behaved children turn into nightmares! They cling onto their parents, they roll around on the floor, they won't take instruction, they answer back and are rude.
Children are like quantum atoms. Their behaviour changes when they are being observed.

If you're not happy being left out why don't you go back to one of the previous 3 teachers?

Thirdly- I know my child is far above average in her music, i don''t need to justify it to anyone and her achievements and grade speaks for itself and no this is not a mummy who thinks her child is just brilliant at everything they do

I'm a music teacher and any parent speaking like you fills me with dread - in my experience any child described like this is not above average but just able to play 3 pieces required to pass a grade exam. Did you not meet or at least have a phone conversation with the teacher before the first lesson? If you decide to find another teacher because you no longer like this one (which is probably the best thing to do for all concerned). I do hope you will pay for any contractual notice period the current teacher requires. She will probably be very glad to see the back of you.

at dc's school there are a fair few music scholars who have skipped grades because their mother insisted this with their music teacher. i wonder why this is... . They are very good of course but somewhat robotic to watch (they look as if they play more because they have been 'encouraged' to..)