Is she right?

[coccolocco]

My daughter has started with a new music teacher. She is a very able student and way beyond her expected level for her age. As someone who has never had music lessons before and understands very little about it i have always sat in on her lessons to keep up with what she is learning. My child turned 6 a few months ago.

On our first lesson with the new music teacher she said "Are you planning to stay?" I replied "yes" Then she looked a little funny (however could have been my interpretation. She then said "you can sit in my lounge while i teach your daughter." I then replied that i normally sit with my daughter in her lessons so i know what to 'teach' her at home. She then replied "well i wouldn't expect you to teach her" i then replied "i don't mean teach her, but just to go through what you've done in her lesson." She then said "i don't have any children who have their parents sit in on lessons." Then proceeded to lead me to her lounge, where i stayed (in her defence she left the lounge door open and the music room door open)

I am now wondering whether i should have been more assertive or she was right, i shouldn't be sitting in the lesson with my child?

I find it encourages practise if I sit in on the lesson, they have to tell the teacher the truth when asked how much/how well it has gone this week!

However, I've been told: I'm controlling, relax a bit, your child is not as good as you say they are, helicopter parenting, how many teachers says a lot, etc. i now find the advice a little hard to stomach as the posters are obviously not very polite
Read literally any other thread on Mumsnet. Unfortunately this is what happens! You are focusing on these aspects rather than the genuine bits of advice and experience.

OP, I think the vast majority of responses have been polite: it's just that you disagree with them.

You've expressed several reasons for wanting to observe - the teacher may not be CRB checked, the implication being that they may be a risk to your child. If you believe that, you shouldn't be employing them. You need to watch the lessons to see if the teacher is any good at their job. This is insulting to a professional and, again, if you don't think they're highly qualified enough, don't employ them.

The best thing you can do when engaging a new teacher is to make sure they offer what you need. Before arranging lessons, check they have the relevant qualifications and experience and have a chat to them about your expectations. Some teachers will be happy to teach with an audience, some prefer not to.

Please don't ignore the good advice on this thread because you're offended. I wish your daughter well with her music.

Oh MrsDustyBusty- to be your child! Just because you participate in your child's education your labeled bored...Ignorance is bliss!

I tutor (in Asia) and parents leave kids at young as three with me for up to two hours at a time and the don't even stay in the building! Honestly, if they wanted to sit in, they wouldn't be welcome in my class. Even a silent parent brings an atmosphere, I struggle enough trying to do placement interviews with parents present. You may not realise it, and it may not be totally apparent, but you may well improve her learning space by waiting outside of it.

Your child is 6 years old and you've been taking her to lessons for 4 YEARS?

OMG how many times, she was switching from the suzuki method (where you are suppose to stay with the child) to the conventional method. Secondly, after 4 years of music lessons and sitting in with her i'm not a complete dunce at music now.

Actually this is the first point at which you have specified she was switching method for this particular instrument. Personally I'm not psychic so I don't know how long you have been sitting in her lessons, I went on your own words that you can't read or do music and was providing input based on experience of learning playing multiple instruments to a high level (national orchestras) and having children who had done the same.

Most of the posters have given advice borne out of greater experience and not been rude. They simply don't agree with you - if you just wanted a chorus of approval then AIBU possibly not the smartest place to post.

I have taken on all the good advice Bingles, thank you. However, all the concerns i had are very true and in one lesson could have been put at ease, however, i was not given the opportunity to even sit on the first initial session hence my whole post.

Your child is 6 years old and you've been taking her to lessons for 4 YEARS? shock

I suspect this is the kind of response the OP is looking for, so she can tell us how superior she is to us western parents who have no interest in our child's education.

C8H1- Not first time please see previous posts.

Just because you participate in your child's education your labeled bored...Ignorance is bliss!

You're. Contraction of you are. That's a top for her homework in the future.

In any event, I think that allowing your child the space to develop a relationship one on one with her teacher and without my moderation or intervention is extremely important. It's a controlled environment where she can be her own person.

I also think that we can't live through our children. If you want to play piano or read music, get your own lessons and don't piggyback on hers.

I am with the OP
Mine aren't that old but i can completely understand where you are coming from.

I had piano lessons from the age of 4... my mum stayed for the initial lessons but it was counter-productive because she was distracting to the lesson (she claimed she sat quietly - she didn't!) and then when I was practising she would attempt to "teach" and "correct" my technique based on what she thought it should be, except she had absolutely no musical knowledge whatsoever, hadn't properly seen what the teacher had shown me, and ended up confusing me and messing up what I was doing. The teacher wasn't very impressed and she told me later she prefers that parents don't sit in for that reason. It's not like helping your child to read or write (which most people can do - therefore can offer help with) - with respect, if you're not musical then it's better to leave it to the music teacher. That's why she's spent hours every day for most of her life playing until her hands hurt - and then some. She knows how to guide your child in her playing and in terms of what to practice at home, and any music teacher worth their salt will know IMMEDIATELY if your child hasn't practiced properly or as instructed.

My mum stopped attending after a few lessons. I went for lessons for many many years afterwards on my own and studied music to a high level. I never had any difficulty in remembering what I had to practice even when I was 4 years old - and progressed very nicely.

Somehow-how do you not know I'm a western parent but stating a fact about asian parenting...you do assume a lot?

As I've said thankyou to other posters for their advice i don't feel i need to keep saying it again.

I am a music tutor, and teach at home and sometimes at pupils houses. Whilst I always say they are welcome to sit in, I must admit it does make me feel a little uncomfortable when parents feel the need to do this past the first 10 mins of a new lesson, when they can see their child is okay.
It makes me feel I'm not trusted, and the child then doesn't have their full attention on me and looks to their parent for answers. Parents also then interrupt when a child doesn't answer a question when I can see they are just taking their time to think about it.
Also but as far as learning new concepts go... in my 10 years experience of teaching adults and kids, children sometimes take slightly long to understand a new concept but they then remember it when adults forget it each week.

Of course I don't know. It was heavily implied earlier in the thread however. Why would you have brought up Asian parenting otherwise?
Anyway, I'm out. I suspect you're trying to cause debate about children starting music lessons at a young age, but I may be wrong.
A lot of experienced professionals have given you their view on this thread in a kindly manner, which you'll see if you read back.

If you're a western parent making a remark about the stereotype of Asian parenting then you're on thin ice.

DustBusty, Thanks so much for the correction you highlighted, however, i'm sure you can appreciate that when we type quickly everything is not perfect. Thanks for your parenting advice but i don't think you can make those assumptions without knowing me personally.

I also assumed you were not a native English speaker by your turns of phrase.
Apologies if I'm wrong.

The whole point is that you just don't know Bingle! That was my point.

I have taken on the advice: it is not the norm to sit in on lessons. Thanks.

Mind you, there are an awful lot of posters on here who don't appear to know the difference between 'practice' and 'practise.'

thardearoctopus- who knows lol.

Although, to weigh in again, almost none of the parents of my students would sit in on ANY lesson because they aren't there!! All the super busy kids have helpers/nannies. Some have two!

OP I read your previous posts, your only mention of Suzuki was She was doing the suzuki method hence why this was not the norm to me which to me is not clear if she was doing Suzuki for the current instrument, another instrument, with this teacher or just previously. You also stressed that you were used to sitting in her lessons (pl) rather than wanting to see just one lesson.

You also said she was 6 and had been playing for a while but other children learned much younger but then that she had been playing for 4 years (so started at 2, not many children start before that, even with Suzuki violin).

So frankly berating posters when your own posts are not exactly crystal clear or politely toned is not helpful either.

Anyways - I've said my piece. Take the advice, ignore it as suits you. My approach only got to Menuhin scholarship/national orchestra status, what would I know?