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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL could have been a bit happier about baby news?

186 replies

LondonMum79 · 01/03/2017 20:30

Told MIL today that baby no.3 is on the way. She made a face like thunder, and said "Oh ***. Well, it's your own business." And then she completely changed the subject.
It has left me feeling really upset but DH thinks I should just suck it up.

OP posts:
StickyMouse · 03/03/2017 09:24

My Cousins PIL's reaction to her announcing her 3rd baby was on the way was similar but it came from concern, they had issues with their 2nd, my cousin had serious health issues the PIL were worried for their son, as sole provider. Anyhow baby number is now 13 and the PIL's couldn't be better Grand parents!

If your MIL doesn't thaw I would ask your DH to have a word

Istandinpause · 03/03/2017 09:38

Congratulations, OP. When we told my MIL I was pregnant her only comment was 'Well, it's early days.' When I did then miscarry, her comment was 'Maybe you've learnt something for next time.' It wasn't that she disapproved of the pregnancy, she just firmly felt we shouldn't be telling her so early. I might lose it, and in that case it was better no one should have known about the pregnancy. The idea that there's nothing wrong with making a miscarriage public and indeed it might help to be given support and sympathy was outside her scope.

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgina · 03/03/2017 09:45

With dc1 my MIL refused to mention or acknowledge the pregnancy and only came around after the birth. She's very religious and we weren't married. It was my now DH who refused to get married after a painful divorce had left him to lose faith in the institution of marriage. DC1 was very much planned and wanted. We married 10y ago, so she's happy now!

With dc4 we didn't really have many positive reactions from MIL or my own mum. Even with dc3 my mum was dubious, but 4 is just too many childrent in her eyes. So now, whenever I have a hard day, I can't really have a bit of a moan to her, because I get "well, you wanted 4, that's what you get". They love the children of course, but think 4 is just being plain stupid. I even had people tell my mum not to expect a present at the birth, because obviously we are having babies just so we can get free little baby outfits and soft toys Hmm

Lunalovepud · 03/03/2017 09:57

MILs the world over are odd aren't they?! I hope I'm not when I become one. Wink

My MIL seems to think that when I get pregnant it's a person achievement for her. She constantly goes on about the good genes her and FIL have passed on (hilarious as DC doesn't look or behave like them in any way) and says she is hoping that they get DHs intelligence, like I am thick as two short planks. Wink

PILs are a PITA generally but luckily DH deals with them so I only note their comments for later hilarity.

Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy.

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN · 03/03/2017 10:56

MILs the world over are odd aren't they?!

This is what I find hilarious.
Most of the women in the world will either be a maternal GM or parternal GM one day.
So to say that MIL's are odd is equivalent to saying half of the female population are nasty and odd.

MIL's are just women who happen to have given birth to a son.
If you have a boy, you too will be a MIL one day.

I believe that the women on here who are harsh and unforgiving towards their MILs, are the nightmare MILs of the future themselves. They will also be unforgiving to their DILs.

Exactly.
What goes around comes around
I hope MN is still around in 20 years time.
There will be a whole new crop of DIL's whinging and moaning about the DIL's who are whinging now. Grin
Twill be hilarious.

But, wait, they're never going to be like that! Hmm

Lillabet · 03/03/2017 11:41

My MiL is lovely, she's been nothing but positive about all three of mine (and probably the 4th when we announce it), in fact all my in laws have been nothing but positive, my mother on the other hand was just awful when we told them about DC3, "Was it planned?" I was truly shocked because she'd been so positive about the first 2. I'm expecting number 4 (26 weeks) and we haven't told anyone yet because I can't be doing with the judgey pants from my parents and I can't tell others before we tell them because that would be another reason for her to get all hurt Hmm
For background, we have no financial problems, we've been married 15 years and we own our own home. Yes our house is too small but we're in the process of moving and we'll cope in the mean time. She does a little child care for DC1&2 but not for DC3 and that's on her terms (we don't ask, she offers) and during holidays only. Not to mention, I'm a grown woman who is quite capable of making her own decisions and living with the consequencesHmm
I don't expect her to throw a party in celebration but it's a kindness to say congratulations (whatever you might actually think).
Congratulations op Flowers ignore small minded people who can't think beyond their own sphere (be they parents, parents in law, siblings, siblings in law or anyone else!).

Danielle1503 · 03/03/2017 11:43

I must be blessed with a nice MIL after reading these! I have a DD from a previous and when me and DH got together MIL was very 'im not ready to be a grandma yet' but as soon as we announced I was pregnant she was overjoyed! (We'd only been together 10 months when we found out.. DS is now nearly 9 months old and she keeps hinting we should have another Blush

Lillabet · 03/03/2017 11:51

Oh and I sincerely hope I'm neither a terrible mother who can't let go of their children when they fly the nest and therefore be a terrible mother in law as a consequence. I really do hope I'm kind and supportive to my children and their future partners (whoever they are and whatever choices they make) and that even if I don't approve I do my damnedest to keep that to myself. I actually have an arrangement with DH that he'll point out to me if I get too much like my mother Grin he did say he might do it via email from the other end of the country with an accompanying Gin, Flowers & Cake GrinGrin

Proudmummytodc2 · 03/03/2017 11:58

My MIL was actually ok. (She has just passed 6 months ago).

But when I fell pregnant with DC1, I didn't know at time the 5 tests I had done over the 2 weeks came back negative. I was rushed to hospital unable to stand up I was lying on floor screaming in pain (we were staying in MIL at this point) and my DP took me to hospital I got tested for all sorts and they done a pregnancy test which then came back positive.

I got tested for a ectopic pregnancy ect but the pain was explained as the womb dealing with pregnancy and stretching (turned out I had womb problems at birth of DC) and I giving some painkillers through a jag form and was sent home (I was in that much pain I wasn't even listening to the name of the stuff) and when we arrived back home I said to her I'm pregnant (baby was planned).

She said so you acted like that because your pregnant, your only pregnant why are you acting like that, so bloody stupid your the baby. I was genuinely in pain by the way she could have just said "congratulation" and kept the nasty comments to herself I felt bad enough.

littlefrog3 · 03/03/2017 12:14

cooljazz

When I had a miscarriage my MIL didn't even mention it, she just hugged me when she saw me and gave me a box of chocolates. 'Celebrations' Hmm

OMG! Shock

LagunaBubbles · 03/03/2017 12:56

MIL's are just women who happen to have given birth to a son. If you have a boy, you too will be a MIL one day

Not sure how you say that - if you have a daughter who gets married you will also be a MIL and have a son-in -law.

UnbornMortificado · 03/03/2017 13:14

Thing is mn is usually where we complain. So we will hear more about bad MIL's then we will good ones.

My post was about my mam who has a good reason to worry with my past losses.

My MIL is brilliant, it will be her first (biological) grandchild so she's cautiously over the moon. I've had to put her off buying a cot I'm only 11 weeks.

ollieplimsoles · 03/03/2017 13:39

I believe that the women on here who are harsh and unforgiving towards their MILs, are the nightmare MILs of the future themselves. They will also be unforgiving to their DILs

Don't be so general, there are lots of reasons for a dil to be untrusting towards her mil.

nailak · 03/03/2017 15:26

Response from my mum

" Why do you want a third baby?"
But she loves and spoils them all now lol

Lunalovepud · 03/03/2017 15:27

So to say that MIL's are odd is equivalent to saying half of the female population are nasty and odd.

You've clearly never met my MIL. ;-)

80sMum · 03/03/2017 15:33

The response from my parents when I told them that I was pregnant with my first baby, their first grandchild, was "well, if it's what you want that's fine and there's no going back now; just don't expect us to help look after it, we've done our share of child rearing". They didn't exactly jump for joy!

DontOpenDeadInside · 03/03/2017 16:03

My Mil was/is fab.
My mam though when told said "you can't afford a baby! Anyway it's ok cos I'm moving away" (she moved when dd1 was 18 months old.
My nan, I can't remember what she said but she was standing up when I told her and she sat down in shock lol. I had a c section with dd1 and when I announced I was Pg with dd2 she said "why would you want another after going through 'all that'? " (It was pretty straightforward c section, no complications, quick recovery) With dd3 she said "why would you want 3 kids?". I said err Nana, you had 3...(one of hers died in late teens)
She's exactly the same now when I get various pets. When my cat was killed last year, her 1st words were "and don't get any more" eventhough up until a few years ago she had pets! Makes me laugh.
Congratulations Flowers

JJJJH · 03/03/2017 18:59

We took MIL out to lunch to announce our 2nd and when hubby told her she said 'oh my god!' and put her forehead on the table and was silent for what felt like ages. There was literally no reason for this and everyone else was over the moon. It's now her favourite grandchild. Very weird response.

WillWorkForShoes · 03/03/2017 21:42

When we told my MIL I was pregnant with my first child, her response was 'well, it's about time'

We'd been trying for 2 and a half years.

She knew this.

Bitch.

Janey50 · 04/03/2017 03:18

When we told my (now thankfully ex) MIL that I was expecting our first baby,she said 'Oh well don't get too excited. It's early days yet and you will probably have a miscarriage'. I didn't.

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 11:33

I generally take no notice of 99% of what family members say. They are not you and they aren't in your marriage. My elderly MIL hardly ever says anything positive, bless her! Congratulations.

CountFosco · 05/03/2017 12:01

When my Mum told her Dad she was pregnant with DC3 he said 'what are you expecting this time?' (she already had a boy and a girl). 40 years later it still hurts.

MIL was funny, there was quite a small gap between DD1 and DD2 and I was still BFing when I got pregnant. DBIL and his wife had an even smaller gap (also when BFing). For both second pregnancies she said 'How did that happen?' and then laughed at herself when we told her 'The usual way'. She said she didn't know you could get pregnant when BFing (she had a small gap between her DC1 & DC2 but had already stopped BFing). She's not too hot on biology Grin.

80sMum · 05/03/2017 12:08

Oh, Janey50 that's awful! How to take away a person's joy in one sentence Shock

thebakerwithboobs · 05/03/2017 12:26

This reminds me of the conversation I had with my MIL after the gender scan for our youngest. We had five sons already and number six was also a beautiful boy. I told her I was having another lad and she said 'oh. Are you keeping it?'

No. Words.

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