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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL could have been a bit happier about baby news?

186 replies

LondonMum79 · 01/03/2017 20:30

Told MIL today that baby no.3 is on the way. She made a face like thunder, and said "Oh ***. Well, it's your own business." And then she completely changed the subject.
It has left me feeling really upset but DH thinks I should just suck it up.

OP posts:
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 03/03/2017 08:15

My pil's reaction when dh told them about our dc's :

Dc1 : Well that's clever
Dc2 : But you were supposed to wait another year !

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 03/03/2017 08:17

Is she maybe genuinely worried about you? Have you mauve struggled financially or been poorly in your pregnancies so she's worried you won't cope?

Still massively rude not to congratulate you but perhaps she's coming from.a good place? (clutches at straws)

After DC3 was born at the end of December, my MIL said please let this be the last one- not because she's mean or doesn't love her grandchildren, but because she knows how much I want struggled and she loves me and doesn't want me making myself ill

Whiskeyagogo · 03/03/2017 08:19

Congratulations and ignore her

Soon2bmummyto2 · 03/03/2017 08:22

Hubbys grandmother who is great grandmother to 7 already including DD just said "oh another one?" My mil and my parents were thrilled

Originalfoogirl · 03/03/2017 08:23

Not sure what you wanted to happen here.

Did you want her to lie about being happy about it?

Or did you want her to actually be happy? It's your life, not hers and you can't dictate how people feel about things. Have you asked her why she is unhappy?

Some posts here have mentioned that their relatives were concerned about them having a healthy pregnancy. Seems perfectly reasonable to be concerned about hearing the news.

If she is just the kind of person who does that kind of thing, then shrug it off. You won't change her, why let her upset you?

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redheadlady · 03/03/2017 08:34

my MIL for 1st DC

DH: we've got some news for you
MIL: rolls eyes let me guess ...redheadlady is pregnant?!
me: ...
DH: ...
MIL: face of disgust
DH: well yeah we're pretty excited.... (we're married, it was planned etc - unlike DH first child - he was particularly upset as their reaction to his first child was similar but circumstances were so different and he was so much younger so he hoped they'd be excited for him this time)

*
MIL 2nd DC

DH: we have some exciting news!
MIL: what?! you're having another one?!
DH: totally deflated
Me: yes how exciting is that?!
MIL: i don't know why you want two, they'll probably hate each other, shrieking gleefully how are you going to cope!?! hahahahahaaa

I don't remember the rest - i just shut down. she keeps laughing and saying "they're going to hate each other, haha, how are you going to cope?!?!" all the time. (there's no reason why we can't cope - it's planned, we're perfectly fit and well, both employed, DC1 is mainly a delight...)

why would they hate each other? (sure not all siblings like each other but there's not solid reason to assume that they wont?) Angry

OctopusesGarden · 03/03/2017 08:36

Very grateful for my mother in law!

I get on very well with my mum but she suffers from persistent foot in mouth disease. After 6 years unexplained infertility i ended up with a surprise (but no less wanted) pregnancy when ds was 5 months.

Her response? "Oh well, it might not last"

Congrats OP

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN · 03/03/2017 08:38

Pretty sure MIL are sent to make our life's hellish

There is so much hate towards mother in laws. Is it any wonder some MILs find it difficult to get excited about the prospect of future grandchildren.
They know that any involvement will likely be seen as annoying and interfering.

You only have to read these boards to see the hate.

It's disgusting really because those same dils are more than happy to involve their own mothers.

There are far more threads complaining about mils than mothers.

When a mother offers her daughter help and advice - shes seen as being ^helpful'
But if a mother in law offers the exact same help and advice - she gets accused of being interfering.

I'm not a MIL but I feel sorry for them. They can't win.

neversleepagain · 03/03/2017 08:38

cats he can be pretty blind when it comes to his mother. But as the kids have got older and she has been so vacant from their lives he has realised, with sadness, that she isnt a very nice person. He seems to be keeping his distance too.

A shame as she is missing out on loving and getting to know two lovely little people.

Bantanddec · 03/03/2017 08:40

Congratulations and don't let it get to you! Not everyone likes baby's and wants to fawn over pregnant women.

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 08:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocolatedreamsandtea · 03/03/2017 08:45

Cool - you'll see many of the comments here refer to mils and mothers - so your comment isn't relevant. This isn't a mil bashing thread.

Puremince · 03/03/2017 08:45

DM's reaction to being told we were expecting DC2 was "How will you cope? You are barely coping with your housework as it is!"

By her standards, I wasn't coping with the housework, but that was because her standards were ridiculously high! One of her suggestions was that if I spent less time preparing veg, and just bunged a pizza in the oven, I would have more time to clean! She objected to us having a compost heap in the garden, too, as being unhygienic.

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN · 03/03/2017 08:47

DH and I have been bailing them out of one financial/housing/separation crisis after another since the births of their first two 8 yrs and 6yrs and it's just getting to the point we can't keep doing it as we're approaching retirement. We'll adore the baby when he or she gets here just as we do the other two and so will DH's ex but honestly right now all we're seeing is the downside.

Yes. There's probably a backstory to some of these why aren't my parents enthusiastic about my pregnancy? stories.
We are only hearing one side.

Puremince · 03/03/2017 08:50

Should add, she is a wonderful and doting grandmother! Though somewhat surprised that the DCs survived being brought up by us!

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoolJazz · 03/03/2017 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN · 03/03/2017 09:01

I'm not excusing any of the reactions described, the only acceptable overt response to this news is 'congratulations' of course but is there some kind of common theme/link here? Financial/housing situation not in great shape for the parents i.e. already struggling with 1 or 2 dc and now there's another on the way? Or as one poster mentioned her MIL is having to do childcare for 2 grandkids already so I can understand why she might be not looking forward to no.3

I hadn't thought of that side of it.
I know of so many grandparents who can't enjoy their retirement because they're being used as unpaid childcare. They have to pick their grandkids up from school on a regular basis, babysit after school. Then they usually have them duringschool holidays
If they're nit doing that, they're helping out financially.

Instead of the constant slagging off on MN , many parents should start thinking about all the thing grandparents DO do for them, whether that's financially or otherwise.

mummymummums · 03/03/2017 09:01

Had the same from my MIL - when I told her about baby no 2 she went tight lipped and didn't say a word. My DH did have a word and she insisted she would say congratulations to me, but to this day she hasn't. He's 8 now, and she blatantly favours our first child - it's caused many arguments Angry

mummymummums · 03/03/2017 09:02

And in our case none of the possible reasons above apply - financially solvent and she doesn't help with childcare

Littlepiglittlepig3letmeIN · 03/03/2017 09:07

I believe that the women on here who are harsh and unforgiving towards their MILs, are the nightmare MILs of the future themselves. They will also be unforgiving to their DILs.

I think you may be right
Isn't it the case that the reason we notice a fault in others, is because we possess the same fault in ourselves.

wonkyegg · 03/03/2017 09:13

I'm 35 years old and 5 weeks pregnant with my first. It's taken us 6 years to get to this point and it's all thanks to IVF. Our family's have known our struggles and the only reason we've even told them that we are expecting so early is because they knew we were having IVF. Responses have been very positive so far but muted as its early and we've lost four early pregnancies. GreatMIL starts crying and wailing saying she just wished we'd wait a few years till we are settled, we are settled, then she calms down and starts wailing again shouting at me "but what if you die?" I'm very mildly epileptic, so mild I'm not even medicated and honestly she thinks I'm so fragile. It really bugs me. I think after six years of trying we've waited long enough!

FrenchLavender · 03/03/2017 09:17

I believe that the women on here who are harsh and unforgiving towards their MILs, are the nightmare MILs of the future themselves. They will also be unforgiving to their DILs.

It's the same trait, dressed up slightly differently.

Totally agree.

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