Name changed to generic for this.
Identifying but it's necessary.
I work full time as a shift worker. I earn minimum wage. I have always been kind to my ex and I love our son more than anything. I have him around two days a fortnight on average. I cannot have him set days as I work shifts that change.
I do always see my son though and I pay maintenance of £30 a week. This was calculated by the government.
Anyway, my ex never asks for anything, just the odd asking me to have our son for job interviews or emergencies.
What she does ask though, is I take her to wales to visit her family. It takes two hours each way so four hours of driving when I do take her down. She gives me £40 for petrol, and going to take her there and driving back/collecting her again costs £80 so she gives me half the petrol cost overall. She cannot afford anymore.
She could get the train but our three year old son is difficult on the train, she has a mile uphill walk from the train station to her house and there are three changes with waiting around.
Overall it takes 3hrs and 30 mins. She has always said if it was a direct train she would do it but it's the changes that are challenging and the car only takes 2 hours.
I've driven since I was 17 so never been on public transport.
My family have always said she is massively taking advantage of me and I should tell her to get the train (she can't afford driving lessons but is taking one a month and hoping to be at passing standard soon). That taking her to and from wales is ridiculous and she can get the train. I had a brief relationship with a woman who didn't agree with me making the journey either and said it was for her to make her own way there.
She goes around 5 times a year and stays for two weeks each time. She currently on income support but is job hunting and is a qualified teacher.
I have just told her that I cannot pick her up from wales this time and she will have to get the train. She was very upset.
I just feel that everyone is right and I'm being taken advantage of. I can't afford to pay for her ticket but would contribute something to her train fare.
AIBU to not take her and our son to wales/pick them up again?
Picking them up part of the way doesn't help much and she agrees.
So as not to drip feed, her parents are elderly and lonely so she goes to keep them company and is hoping to make a long term move nearer there. She has not settled in her current area and has no friends or support network to ask to take her down.
I compeltely understand why she needs to go, but as her ex, I don't think I should be continuing to take her. She left me, we've been split two years.