Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

Budgie- he has asked. He has asked for specific help on particular days (if he was going to be late back from work or something).

He's not alone. It's one of the main issues discussed at Coach's Curry Nights. That and team selection- keenness, Buggin's Turn or straight ability......

I used to help with Scouts- people used to sit in their cars while we hosed off and put away 20 kayaks.........

Even if three quarters of the parents concerned are in the can't not won't category.......

I volunteer at school and church but I don't at guides (although I do thank the leaders, give gifts etc). The reason I don't is because my dc see it as their space. One in particular hates me being in her space and always has. She needs sharp boundaries between activities with me and activities without me. The other one would probably be happy for me to come but then (particularly when younger) would have monopolised me and not mixed with the other dc. Plus they definitely wouldn't be happy for their younger brother to come too, oh and I often work during some of the time so I couldn't regularly commit. The guide leaders don't have dc in the group their dc are either adults or they don't have dc. They wouldn't necessarily know what I do outside of guiding in terms of volunteering and working, but I always pay subs on time, send in anything that is needed and thank them for their work and tell them how much the dc enjoy it.

People might not volunteer for a number of reasons, some might be thought through, some might not. I think also sometimes breaking it down so asking for someone to just do X four times a year might be a way to get a few more people involved, rather than annoying them with a letter.

I'm a Brownie and Guide leader. All three Guide leaders work full time and one looks after grandchildren on her day off. Two Brownie leaders work full time including one doing shifts, one works part time, one recently retired. Across the district most leaders work full time including several teachers. Many also have their own children or provide care for grandchildren. Many also volunteer in church as well

this, I am not having a dig BTW, but I don't want to have my children involved in something where I feel guilty, grateful, morally less, and beholden all the time.

I work FT and I don't have the energy for much else, that's where I am at. so great for the people - but I cant be part of it right now

i used to volunteer at parkrun, but now with two young children and working full time i just can't find the time to help. parkrun unfortunately clashes with the drama class of the eldest, and I can't help out with a 2yo in tow...

PTA things are all in day time so I can't help... I wouldn't mind helping with online base things like a FB page, but they don't have one so I can't...

I think the same (usually already very busy) people do it over and over, because they simply do more altogether in life. People have different speed settings.

Look a all the "slowpoke" threads. I know people who are genuinely stressed out if they have a hairdressers appointment and a shopping list on the same day, they'd implode trying to volunteer and work and raise children. Others thrive on being busy.

rousette, agree.

I have given up Church for this reason too, the fucking GUILT if you cant go fetes, charity walks, leafletting

I do actually help at the school when I can BTW, and enjoy it

link them pax! I definitely stress if I have a lot on, its makes me all anxious, I am qiote ashamed about it

I would also help carry things to their cars etc but my dc would be appalled if I regularly volunteered and would probably stop going themselves.

part of my criteria for hiring someone is that they've volunteered in some substantial way in the past. The reason is that volunteers get things done while non-volunteers whine and complain and expect things to be handed to them.

This. I totally accept some people can't volunteer currently, but if they never have... They're the ones who say things like, "why should I do that? No one ever does anything for me," ignoring the football coaches and people who have raised funds and put on concerts and so on.

The people who volunteer at work - it is a small group, and it's the same people who are first aiders and give up their time to talk to schools and clear wasteland and the other things which have been done at work. There are others who do things like scouts or swimming club or cats protection outside of work, so don't want to do anything in work, which is fair enough.

Volunteers tend to be better at time management, doing things off their own initiative, finding creative solutions and have wider experience of doing things outside their main role. Of course there are exceptions, there always are, but all else being equal, I'd lean more towards employing someone who has done volunteering than otherwise.

There is a saying that the motivation to volunteer is a mixture of motives, both altruistic and egotistical and I think that's about right.

"There is a saying that the motivation to volunteer is a mixture of motives, both altruistic and egotistical and I think that's about right."

Of course.

The poster upthread suggesting that people who struggle to get through the day as it is can't volunteer is misinformed - of course not everyone has the capacity or desire to do it, and that's fine - everyone is different - but I could write a list of people who, while going through the most horrendous times (dv, mh issues, bereavement, homelessness...) have either taken up or continued volunteering and found it to be very positive in their lives.

People have their own reasons for doing or not doing it and it's unfair to make sweeping statements that certain "groups" should/shouldn't/do/don't etc

As I said. If, in a group of 20 children, 15 families can't, for whatever reason (and lots of excellent reasons have been give here) give a bit of help now and again, that leaves 5 that can and don't.

I think volunteering is a mindset. I volunteer at Beavers, Cubs and S sports club, and am on after-school club committee. My dc enjoy the activities and i want to support them to keep them going; the result is so much greater than the sum of the parts. As for after school club - I rely on it! Prior to dc I volunteered on the comitee of the regional branch of my professional body, and I have been Chairperson of the local
NCT (branch sadly dormant since I resigned). I work full time.

DH does non of the above, which I see as somewhat selfish, despite his parents both having done significant volunteer roles since his childhood.

It's a kind on wanting to help mindset. I have time and skills that people can benefit from. Why wouldn't I want to hep?

Needmoresleep that was probably me that said that. But it was only said because I know that posts can be jumped on with posters saying "yes but how do you know this person isn't struggling etc". I think it's brilliant that anyone volunteers whatever their circs! I certainly would not like to generalise that those that struggle can't volunteer

I am the secretary of PTA, and am very involved in another community group who organise gala/Santa's grotto/summer entertainment project for local groups and residents/parties and activities for the elderly. One of my main reasons for joining the community group was that I used to always moan that there was no local gala anymore so when it was restarted I thought it was important that I go along to help out. I am also planning to help out dd's school next year with the Rock Challenge project. And I help out with Brownies when they're stuck, but they're quite lucky that all the parents are willing to step in.

It is hard work, but I enjoy it all. I'm prone to depression so keeping busy is a good way to keep me positive!! But lots of friends/colleagues think I'm mad to be involved in so much, they think it's a bit of a joke but they do moan when nothing is on!! It actually bugs me the amount of people that knock you for helping out with things.

You need to work within your skills set. I'm socially awkward, and always rushed off to work as soon as id dropped the kids off, so would have been no use being something like a PTA class rep, but usually put my name down when they emailed round to ask for some one to do an hour on the cake stall at the Christmas fair, or serve hot chocolate on story night, or similar. The people that run the PTA are often the ones that hang around school chatting for ages after they have dropped the kids off. I don't have the time or the social skills for that.
I do help with Sunday school, and at a homeless cafe. My kids don't do many activities that are run by volunteers rather than paid staff, but they have done brownies, scouts, etc. I only occasionally signed up to the rainbows parent rota, as it clashed with the night I have to work late, brownies never asked for help, and I've occasionally turned up to help at scouts events when asked. Again, I'd rather volunteer for a specific task than sign up to organise events.

How do you know? You don't know for sure what people do when they leave the school gates in the morning

Because they have all the time to attend and watch it not to get involved! Like bertrand said... 40 people who suddenly stare at their feet when asked to help clear up or set up
People who are far,far too busy to man a stall but have all the time in the world to attend and shop from the stalls

I'm part of a sports club, which organises a competition every year, and we have implemented a rule where people aren't allowed to enter unless they've volunteered in some capacity the year before.
It was amazing how quickly the numbers of people offering to Marshall etc went up after this was brought in...

I do think for a lot of people they don't volunteer because it's difficult for them to be able to practically do so, rather than they can't be bothered. I work full-time normally (although currently on mat leave) and have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. Most volunteer events being run during working hours clash with my work schedule, and even if they don't, I have no family help (bar DH when he's not working) so it's not like I can just leave the kids at home on their own for a few hours whilst I pop off to do some volunteering. And yes, I'm not going to lie, I find working full-time with young kids and constantly disturbed nights knackering, and I don't feel I've got much energy to give to anything else right now. I don't always think it's right that some volunteers put so much pressure on others. A friend of mine got pressured into becoming a chairperson for the PTA despite already working 40-50 hours a week. The last time I saw her she was literally in near tears through the stress and exhaustion of it all, and her relationship with her husband was suffering and she barely had any quality time with her kids. I feel quite cross on her behalf that she was put under that much pressure by other volunteers.

part of my criteria for hiring someone is that they've volunteered in some substantial way in the past. The reason is that volunteers get things done while non-volunteers whine and complain and expect things to be handed to them

that's really fucking offensive TBH, I work like a donkey- and do my bit and I don't go around guilt tripping people either, and I certainly don't expect things to be handed to me

this is exactly why I avoid volunteer run activities, thanks for confirming that anyway! people silently hating me because I don't also volunteer, FUCK DAT

pour I'm not an organiser either.
But if someone be needs X done at Y time and Z place, I will help if I can.

But God help anyone who moans about how I do it or what I'm not doing. Or anyone who says 'you have too much time on your hands'

"I do think for a lot of people they don't volunteer because it's difficult for them to be able to practically do so, rather than they can't be bothered."

Yep. I accept that could apply to 15 out of 20 families............

Deadsouls

"Also this thread has turned into, 'I do this, I'm on this, I do that...etc etc'."

"Do you volunteer yourself?" was one of OP's questions, I'm not after biscuits but just wanted to share what I do and what it does for me. I'm no preacher, far from it, I get to do a lot of arsing about and drinking tea between the harder parts!

I have volunteered very extensively since being a parent. My DP also volunteers. It is part of who we are and it is not just that we put ourselves forward to volunteer - we are also solicited to volunteer by others. I think that volunteering to help out with community activities is something you do well when you have a value you wish to promote around you. You cannot make others engage in leading by values unless those values are deeply held within them.

"part of my criteria for hiring someone is that they've volunteered in some substantial way in the past. The reason is that volunteers get things done while non-volunteers whine and complain and expect things to be handed to them"

Hmm. I'd like to see someone taking that to a tribunal.......