Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

[sazza76]

I find this subject fascinating. I volunteer as a school govenor, PTA and at a local charity. I do it because my life currently enables me too and I enjoy it. Especially the local charity, i've met some wonderful people, it gets me out of the house while my son's at school and I like being useful. It's good to have grown up conversations that don't all revolve around the school. It genuinely has improved my life, my confidence and depression.

Saying this though, I totally understand it isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the time or is able to, and not everyone wants to. It would be a boring world if we were all the same.

The only thing that really really annoys me is those that for whatever reason don't volunteer but constantly complain about the things that other volunteers do. I've found this at school especially, you can work really really hard to put on an event for families to enjoy and there will always be complaints. Sometimes these complaints can be quite nasty and personal. I find this part of volunteering incredibly stressfull.

[Kr1stina]

Hey guys , I thought I'd let you know.

On Friday about 4:30 I got a call from the kids high school. They were planned to go on a trip to a sports event yesterday ( Saturday ) but the second member of staff who had was to go ( as a volunteer of course ) been sent home sick and so they asked if I could step in.

So I thought about some of the posts on this thread . I thought

that that school were not " charity cases"
I didn't want to be a mummy martyr or have anyone call me smug or sanctimonious or egotistical
I don't think I'm better than anyone
I'd rather spend time with my family
I was worried I might be taking a job away from a paid person
I don't think I should have everything done for me because I'm a sainted volunteer
I didn't want the be treated like the hired help
I don't want to make other people feel guilty
I'm not holier that thou
I wouldn't find it personally fulfilling

And most importantly , it's not my responsibility to take other people's children when I can take mine myself and they can't be bothered.

So I said no and the trip was cancelled because one teacher is not allowed take a nearly 50 children. And the school lost the £400 they had paid for the bus.

But don't worry, my own child didn't miss out. I just took him in my own car and it only took 3 hours rather than the whole day.

Result!

I'm so glad to have been enlightened by the people on this thread and now no one will be thinking all these bad things about me that they would if I had said yes. Im so relieved, dodged a bullet there thanks to y'all.

[graciestocksfield]

My parents never volunteered or got involved with anything at school, yes I still think it's a good thing to do and have done lots of it myself.

[BertrandRussell]

kr1stina- my dp did something similar yesterday on the strength of this thread. Our ds couldn't play, so dp decided not to bother taking the team to their match 30 miles away, and had a lovely lie in instead.........

[Kr1stina]

That's great news about your DP, well done him.

How can we spread the good news to all these other bastard volunteers up and down the country ? Soon we could decimate all amateur sport in the UK. And it would quickly affect professional sport too, as they can't exactly start training athletes / players at the age of 16.

And all the smug, holier than thou, santimonious do gooders can get a lie in EVERY Saturday morning. Bliss.

[Kr1stina]

Once we have stopped all the sport, we can move onto services for older people, asylum seekers, children and adults with disabilities, homeless people , people affected by cancer addictions and mental health problems, offenders and their families, victims of crime, people who are terminally ill.

All these "charity cases".

Then there's local parks, the national trust, wild life sanctuaries, rural shops and libraries, hospices - soon we can evict all the evil do goooders who enjoy working there and get them all shut down.

Fan bloody tastic

[BertrandRussell]

I thought about not doing the foodbank next week.............

[OSETmum]

I agree we all need to get behind our volunteers, show our gratitude and help where we can.

Ds's Beaver leader left last year after volunteering since her son was at Beavers. On her last day, she received 2 bottles of wine and a box of chocolates ( so 3 parents including me had bothered to bring her something to say thanks). I know it's not about presents but how much does it cost to buy a box of chocolates to say thankyou for all of her hard work?!

I used to volunteer as a Sunday school teacher in a large Sunday school and honestly it was awful. The leader was on some sort of power trip and was downright nasty. The planning, shopping for materials, clearing up etc took up a lot of time. The children's behaviour was awful as they were only there to get into their preferred secondary school. On the last day of the school year I bought some nice pastries as a breakfasty treat for the year 6 leavers: 2 children turned up, they'd all got into their school so that was that. I got not one single word of thanks for giving up my Sunday mornings for a year. I didn't do it again the next year...

[Alfieisnoisy]

I do lots of volunteer work now that I am a SAHM. My son is autistic and I get disability related benefits for him. Volunteering is my way of giving something back to the community I live in. I also thoroughly enjoy what I do which is supporting other parents. I am part of a listening and support service where I meet with a parent on a regular basis and just listen. It's not counselling as I am not a counsellor but just active listening and support to help a parent identify what changes they need in their life.

Not everyone has time to volunteer and I get that but I am shocked at some of the "pull the ladder up and sod the rest" attitudes I have seen on this thread. The same people I guarantee will be moaning about society and all ills without offering ANYTHING to try and make a difference. Selfish entitled attitude in my opinion. If you have no time then that's fine but if you DO have time then saying "not my kids, not my problem" then you sound the kind of person who needs avoiding at all costs...and sadly you are probably raising your children with the same selfish attitude.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Oh dear ! Bit you Kris1 and Bertrand have every right to be annoyed and yeah well - don't let one thread stop you that's all - and do what you want and I hope your local parents are not the mean people on this thread !

[user1471545174]

I'll volunteer when I retire and I won't be retiring any time soon.

[WobblyLegs5]

I don't volenteer. Atleast not since I had children. Other than when my help enables children access something they otherwise wouldn't have (like nursery trip or sponsored activity).

I'm too worn down from caring for children with disabilities, and from managing my own disabilities.

But, I greatly appreciate the help they get (none of which is volunteer, I mean their 1 to 1's, and the consideration and compassion offered by the private activities we pay for) and allways show this with thoughtful gifts. I also pass on (espensive) sensory toys and books we purchased to help our children cope with their disabilities to their school and nursery. And I pass on their school clothing through the school. Hand over hand made cookies and cakes for the staff room after birthday parties. Give financially any chance I get. Try and repay the huge favours friends do me either in kind or in thoughtful gifts.

So it's not just about attitude, I can't imagine ever having time to volunteer for children's activities, or the energy, but I still give lots in other ways.

[muttimalzwei]

I have volunteered in the past and always help out at school fairs etc but my main problem is my inability to commit to set nights and times due to my ever changing work pattern and my husband's rota. I just can't commit to, for example, a regular Thursday night and a Sunday morning etc. I've done it in the past and tied myself in knots trying to sort out childcare (not much available) and then being thought of as 'flakey' when I had to miss weeks. I think it might be easier if you've got a more stable job and reguIar hours. I also resent being asked to 'volunteer' when funding suddenly becomes unavailable for a paid position( this was teaching ESOL).
I do try and help out in other ways by being available to help out other parents with childcare/school pick ups as much as I can. I could do more to help the community and I'd love to set up an IT for silver surfers as a volunteer but I couldn't guarantee I'd always be able to run it if my work patterns changed.
I'm grateful for all the volunteers who do help though.