Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

[muttimalzwei]

I have volunteered in the past and always help out at school fairs etc but my main problem is my inability to commit to set nights and times due to my ever changing work pattern and my husband's rota. I just can't commit to, for example, a regular Thursday night and a Sunday morning etc. I've done it in the past and tied myself in knots trying to sort out childcare (not much available) and then being thought of as 'flakey' when I had to miss weeks. I think it might be easier if you've got a more stable job and reguIar hours. I also resent being asked to 'volunteer' when funding suddenly becomes unavailable for a paid position( this was teaching ESOL).
I do try and help out in other ways by being available to help out other parents with childcare/school pick ups as much as I can. I could do more to help the community and I'd love to set up an IT for silver surfers as a volunteer but I couldn't guarantee I'd always be able to run it if my work patterns changed.
I'm grateful for all the volunteers who do help though.

[WobblyLegs5]

I don't volenteer. Atleast not since I had children. Other than when my help enables children access something they otherwise wouldn't have (like nursery trip or sponsored activity).

I'm too worn down from caring for children with disabilities, and from managing my own disabilities.

But, I greatly appreciate the help they get (none of which is volunteer, I mean their 1 to 1's, and the consideration and compassion offered by the private activities we pay for) and allways show this with thoughtful gifts. I also pass on (espensive) sensory toys and books we purchased to help our children cope with their disabilities to their school and nursery. And I pass on their school clothing through the school. Hand over hand made cookies and cakes for the staff room after birthday parties. Give financially any chance I get. Try and repay the huge favours friends do me either in kind or in thoughtful gifts.

So it's not just about attitude, I can't imagine ever having time to volunteer for children's activities, or the energy, but I still give lots in other ways.

[user1471545174]

I'll volunteer when I retire and I won't be retiring any time soon.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Oh dear ! Bit you Kris1 and Bertrand have every right to be annoyed and yeah well - don't let one thread stop you that's all - and do what you want and I hope your local parents are not the mean people on this thread !

[Alfieisnoisy]

I do lots of volunteer work now that I am a SAHM. My son is autistic and I get disability related benefits for him. Volunteering is my way of giving something back to the community I live in. I also thoroughly enjoy what I do which is supporting other parents. I am part of a listening and support service where I meet with a parent on a regular basis and just listen. It's not counselling as I am not a counsellor but just active listening and support to help a parent identify what changes they need in their life.

Not everyone has time to volunteer and I get that but I am shocked at some of the "pull the ladder up and sod the rest" attitudes I have seen on this thread. The same people I guarantee will be moaning about society and all ills without offering ANYTHING to try and make a difference. Selfish entitled attitude in my opinion. If you have no time then that's fine but if you DO have time then saying "not my kids, not my problem" then you sound the kind of person who needs avoiding at all costs...and sadly you are probably raising your children with the same selfish attitude.

[OSETmum]

I agree we all need to get behind our volunteers, show our gratitude and help where we can.

Ds's Beaver leader left last year after volunteering since her son was at Beavers. On her last day, she received 2 bottles of wine and a box of chocolates ( so 3 parents including me had bothered to bring her something to say thanks). I know it's not about presents but how much does it cost to buy a box of chocolates to say thankyou for all of her hard work?!

I used to volunteer as a Sunday school teacher in a large Sunday school and honestly it was awful. The leader was on some sort of power trip and was downright nasty. The planning, shopping for materials, clearing up etc took up a lot of time. The children's behaviour was awful as they were only there to get into their preferred secondary school. On the last day of the school year I bought some nice pastries as a breakfasty treat for the year 6 leavers: 2 children turned up, they'd all got into their school so that was that. I got not one single word of thanks for giving up my Sunday mornings for a year. I didn't do it again the next year...

[BertrandRussell]

I thought about not doing the foodbank next week.............

[Kr1stina]

Once we have stopped all the sport, we can move onto services for older people, asylum seekers, children and adults with disabilities, homeless people , people affected by cancer addictions and mental health problems, offenders and their families, victims of crime, people who are terminally ill.

All these "charity cases".

Then there's local parks, the national trust, wild life sanctuaries, rural shops and libraries, hospices - soon we can evict all the evil do goooders who enjoy working there and get them all shut down.

Fan bloody tastic

[Kr1stina]

That's great news about your DP, well done him.

How can we spread the good news to all these other bastard volunteers up and down the country ? Soon we could decimate all amateur sport in the UK. And it would quickly affect professional sport too, as they can't exactly start training athletes / players at the age of 16.

And all the smug, holier than thou, santimonious do gooders can get a lie in EVERY Saturday morning. Bliss.

[BertrandRussell]

kr1stina- my dp did something similar yesterday on the strength of this thread. Our ds couldn't play, so dp decided not to bother taking the team to their match 30 miles away, and had a lovely lie in instead.........

[graciestocksfield]

My parents never volunteered or got involved with anything at school, yes I still think it's a good thing to do and have done lots of it myself.

[Kr1stina]

Hey guys , I thought I'd let you know.

On Friday about 4:30 I got a call from the kids high school. They were planned to go on a trip to a sports event yesterday ( Saturday ) but the second member of staff who had was to go ( as a volunteer of course ) been sent home sick and so they asked if I could step in.

So I thought about some of the posts on this thread . I thought

that that school were not " charity cases"
I didn't want to be a mummy martyr or have anyone call me smug or sanctimonious or egotistical
I don't think I'm better than anyone
I'd rather spend time with my family
I was worried I might be taking a job away from a paid person
I don't think I should have everything done for me because I'm a sainted volunteer
I didn't want the be treated like the hired help
I don't want to make other people feel guilty
I'm not holier that thou
I wouldn't find it personally fulfilling

And most importantly , it's not my responsibility to take other people's children when I can take mine myself and they can't be bothered.

So I said no and the trip was cancelled because one teacher is not allowed take a nearly 50 children. And the school lost the £400 they had paid for the bus.

But don't worry, my own child didn't miss out. I just took him in my own car and it only took 3 hours rather than the whole day.

Result!

I'm so glad to have been enlightened by the people on this thread and now no one will be thinking all these bad things about me that they would if I had said yes. Im so relieved, dodged a bullet there thanks to y'all.

[sazza76]

I find this subject fascinating. I volunteer as a school govenor, PTA and at a local charity. I do it because my life currently enables me too and I enjoy it. Especially the local charity, i've met some wonderful people, it gets me out of the house while my son's at school and I like being useful. It's good to have grown up conversations that don't all revolve around the school. It genuinely has improved my life, my confidence and depression.

Saying this though, I totally understand it isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the time or is able to, and not everyone wants to. It would be a boring world if we were all the same.

The only thing that really really annoys me is those that for whatever reason don't volunteer but constantly complain about the things that other volunteers do. I've found this at school especially, you can work really really hard to put on an event for families to enjoy and there will always be complaints. Sometimes these complaints can be quite nasty and personal. I find this part of volunteering incredibly stressfull.

[budgiegirl]

The others are fine too in my area, they aren't charity cases

It isn't whether others are 'charity cases', it's to do with providing more than the school budget can afford. I can't imagine there's a single state school in the country that couldn't do with extra books for example.

[BertrandRussell]

"Newcork....The others are fine too in my area, they aren't charity cases."

[C8H10N4O2]

i'm longing to know where is this small village with free museums and planetariums, no need for volunteers as its already perfect and which has no poor people

Is it called Celebration by any chance?

[InformalRoman]

Gamer have you read this?

www.pta.co.uk/running-a-pta/managing-your-pta/faqs-charity-registration-and-governance.aspx

[gamerwidow]

tinfoilhattie off topic but do you know if that rule applies in England. We are being pushed to make our pta a registered charity as our gross income is over £5k but I don't want to do that because the responsibilities that come with bring a trustee of a charity put people off of taking the chair and treasurer roles.

[cherish123]

Strong Mummy - I agree with all your points.

[ShrimpieFlintshire]

Haven't RTFT but it's not like this where I live. Large-ish village in commuter belt, and loads of sahms who run every single committee in the style of mean girls. No one else gets a look-in even when they volunteer their time. They organise fundraising events and keep all the tickets for themselves and their friends, essentially turning every event into a private function. They all spend the school run in conspiratorial whispering huddles. It's baffling, infuriating and depressing. Have never lived anywhere like this. Never want to again tbh.

[budgiegirl]

Maybe that's why they don't do stuff like that at our school, they don't feel the need

Maybe they aren't doing the big, obvious stuff. Maybe the money is going elsewhere - extra books, more play equipment, discounted school trips. Our PTA paid for the buses to the pool when the children had swimming lessons, ice lollies when they went to the pantomime, as well as tablets for each classroom.

Find out, rather than assume the PTA is pointless at your school. You may be right, but I suspect probably not.

[TinfoilHattie]

PTAs are registered charities.

No, not all. Ours isn't. We are a not for profit organisation with a constitution and elected committee members. We are not a registered charity and don't need to be if we don't want to be. We do take minutes, hold AGMs (and tell people when they are being held), produce accounts, have the accounts independently checked.

We do tell parents at every opportunity what we are spending money on. Some of it is very visible like the new playground equipment we paid for (thousands of pounds worth). Other stuff like the new books for the libracry which are above and beyond what is provided as standard, is less visible. We send out newsletters, Tweet and put stuff on Facebook, but if parents aren't reading newsletters and not attending meetings there's not much we can do about it.

When we get Scottish Opera in for their two day workshop, it costs about £1000. Children are not asked to contribute to take part, it's free. Free for all the families whose parents take a turn at helping, free for those who can't be arsed and bitch about PTA at every opportunity. There is not lots of money sloshing about in school funds, without PTA fundraising the school would not be able to offer parallel reading schemes, or buy iPads, or do the Scottish Opera thing.

[Brownieleaderaa]

I have been a Brownie leader for 14 years (re title), I have had some amazing times with the girls and had some really supportive parents. I have also had some really down times when I have had groups of parents nit pick, a text complaining about a minor thing and no thanks when leaders spend days planning events and running them is so demotivating and does make you think of giving up. I started volunteering as the Brownie pack was going to close and someone did it for me when I was a child. 14 years on I now have a daughter who will be joining Brownies soon and already loves coming to the trips and events.

I am lucky in we do get a few presents bought at Christmas time, a little gesture to say thank you for the hours we put in over the year is so appreciated and makes us want to continue. Most parents buy for their child's teacher at Christmas and the end of school term, this is a lovely thank you for the work they put in (I know many teacher work very long hours outside of school time) - Us volunteers do the same I have been the only one who has bought for my daughters Rainbow leader over the last 18 months.

What I have realised on a number of occasions is that a lot of parents (and certainly the girls) don't realise that groups like guiding are run by volunteers, but think we are paid. When pregnant I was asked on a few occasions would I be giving up my job as a Brownie leader, I took 3 weeks off and was back. We also greatly subsidise trips and events by fund raising, a lot of voluntary groups can not exist without parents supporting a few fund raising events a year.

At the moment we have a great bunch of girls and most of the parents are supportive, so I am motivated to do more and more with the girls. To support the leaders you do not always have to volunteer, but a thank you goes a long way.

[Mumzypopz]

Newcork..It really is a small village and small school. The PTA don't do this sort of thing, so guessing they recognise cuts not necessary too. The school does school trips, which we have to pay for, but nine times out of ten, it's to places the kids go to regularly. If people can't pay, (very small minority) , the school pay for them. We really don't need the PTA to arrange this sort of stuff, which is probably why they don't.

[Mumzypopz]

Maybe that's why they don't do stuff like that at our school, they don't feel the need.