Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

[Roussette]

I have empathy for anyone who just can't manage to do anything because they can barely get through the day. That goes without saying.

However, I have known in the past people who could easily put aside a few hours every six months but still would not dream of doing that and are quite proud of the fact they've never volunteered and leave it to others because it's a bit beneath them.

[TheSparrowhawk]

Milk I volunteered when I had a newborn and a toddler and serious PND. One of the most exceptional volunteers I've worked with has two children with severe disabilities. Volunteers don't have easy lives or perfect health.

[Enko]

Currently I do not volunteer to do anything. I have in the past done lots. (heavily involved with a charity and did many hours for them also PTA and other youth activities)

Right now I dont wish to fit it into my life it is that simple. It is a choice you get to make it is something you do voluntarily NOT something you are forced to do.

I support stuff my children attend and a few charities I give money too. Yes I am very grateful to the wonderful people who runs the youth club my youngest 2 attend. They all know it too I tell them regular and I show up for the things they request us to show up for.

The rugby club 2 of mine attend also know I can be relied on for some support of events, however they do not rely on me to be there to do food or shop work. Again they know I am grateful for everything they put in.

There is more than 1 way to be supportive. Right now at this time in my life I have prioritised other things than my spending actual time volunteering.

I am comfortable with this.

[murmuration]

I used to volunteer a lot when I was young and healthy (and before kids). Was even part of a volunteer meta-volunteer organisation where we organised volunteers for various groups as well as contributing ourselves.

But now I work FT with chronic health issues. I can basically do one thing outside of work every fortnight. Right now once a month is taken up with a small volunteer role - I'm on the rota for making sure a monthly mum/baby/tots group runs. Currently DD enjoys helping out with "the babies", but when she's too old for this not sure if I can keep going - I get so little time with her I don't want to be volunteering my time away from her. I get the sense though that most other volunteering is more regular, such as at least once a week, if not well more. That's twice my activity capability, and I do want to save some slots for things like shopping or going with DD to something. Small, infrequent yet regular roles, may help get those with lower output capabilities (be it through health or other commitments) be more involved.

[Megatherium]

I think people need to volunteer for what suits them, not for the sake of it. I didn't volunteer to run things like activities at school because it's not the sort of thing I would have been much good at and I had to go to work; however I did regularly volunteer to help at things like school fairs and became a governor, and later went on to do a lot of work for SN charities. I think relatively few people volunteer out of complete altruism; they tend to do it because they see a benefit for themselves or their child, or are interested in whatever it is, or because they simply enjoy the activity in question - and that's absolutely fine.

What I have discovered through life is that very little volunteering is wasted; when it comes to applying for jobs, often you can use the fact that you've volunteered to demonstrate things like your ability to work in teams and your skills in dealing with people. It's not why I did it, but it's a benefit worth bearing in mind for people who are reluctant to help out.

[TinfoilHattie]

I hugely value the people who run Scouts and Guides for my kids and regularly tell them so.

I am a serial volunteer - like many other started on the pre-school committee, then PTA, also have volunteered for big events like the Commonwealth Games and now have a regualr committment volunteering at a charity. I enjoy it, get a lot out of it and think it's important to do. I am also self-employed, so it's not like i'm sitting around twiddling my thumbs and looking for something to fill the days. My mum volunteered too when I was little helping with Brownies, and my Dad has always been involved in various sporting clubs and on committees. It's just what you do in our family. It seems I'm bringing up the next generation too as my eldest has just filled in his form to volunteer for the same charity as I do.

Others do nothing. Split into two camps - one camp is genuinely busy with lots of children, partners working away and other issues which make it impossible to commit regularly but step up and help when we're (for example) desperate for leaflet deliverers at school or need help selling raffle tickets once a year. The other camp is sneery, dismissive, writes off PTAs or pre-school committees as cliquey or stuck-up, or alpha mums or any other derogatory term which helps them feel better about not helping.

My parents-in-law are very odd about volunteering, they think it's a mugs game and that you should get paid for any work you do. They thought it was scandalous that I was giving up 2 full weeks, unpaid, to work at the Commonwealth Games. Their attitude baffles me.

[Stuffofawesome]

I was watching a doc called happy on Netflix. Intentional activity like volunteering in our community contributes to happiness far more than what we generally pursue like status and money thinking that will make us happy. Good documentary.

[MrsHoneyMummy]

Sorry, I did lots of volunteering when I was younger but now I am a teacher with a family of my own and quite frankly I spend enough of my life as it is dealing with "customer" parents without adding to the load.

M-i-L used to volunteer for a church-based thing and some of the shit she got from the little darlings was unbelievable - one of them actually told her she was a fat, dowdy old woman!

[Loopytiles]

My DC don't attend activities run by volunteers: I don't wish to volunteer and it doesn't seem right use services dependent on volunteers without helping and when we can afford to pay. Realise DC from less well off families wouldn't have certain activities available without volunteers.

DH and I work FT and commute, have no local family etc. DC in childcare long hours all week so weekends we do domestics and spend time as a family. I don't regard voluntary work as a priority.

Our DCs' school PTAs are almost solely women: it's classic "wifework" IMO.

Our small local library is now staffed by (largely church) volunteers. the former staff were all made redundant, and if there were not enough volunteers the library would probably close.

I'm uncomfortable about services that were formerly, and still should be, state funded being run by volunteers, but understand why they do it.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

TheSparrowhawk - congratulations on being such a superior person to me. Well done. Have a shiny medal. Have one for your mate too.

[PurpleWithRed]

I've just stepped down from a volunteer-management role in a charity that I also do operational volunteering for (ie I do the face to face stuff but I also manage other volunteers). Two of the reasons I've stepped down are disillusionment with the organisation who treat their volunteers more like employees, and disullsionment with those volunteers who expect everything to be done for them because they are sainted volunteers and who don't recognise the extra that other volunteers do to support them.

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

I don't regularly volunteer any more, just help out with summer fair, events as and when I attend them.

I don't feel bad or like I should do more for the community at all. I have a demanding job, work evenings/weekends when I can, two children to nurture and the only time to do that is after school when we sit and do homework/cook together. I care for a relative, that's not 'volunteering' but it takes up any space official volunteering might have.

I have done voluntary work in the past, as a late teen, in my twenties, if I had the time and space and felt I wasn't enriching the community enough in my current life, I'd do it again, probably when the children go off to university/leave home.

I don't feel bad about that, or indeed apathetic! I think I've made a sensible choice about my energy and what I can achieve. I'm always extremely grateful to the Guide leaders who are the main volunteers my children see, and thank them or give a little gift at Christmas, they are not looking for new volunteers as when I've offered to come along and help, they've said no!

[RhubarbGin]

I'm a scouting treasurer which is behind the scenes but the group couldn't run at allwithout the role being filled. Involves about an hour every week and a couple of full days at the year end, and four committee meetings a year. I don't work but it could easily be done by someone who does. In terms of the actual group activities, we ask our parents to provide one 2hr slot for evening rota help every six months. Once in six months! Probably 10% work or have genuine childcare issues - fine, not a problem at all. But another 10% will contact the leader and complain. I'm convinced that many simply don't understand that leaders are not paid and give up four hours or more every week for free, take unpaid leave from work to cover camp holidays for the children, do weeks worth of refresher training every year, etc etc etc, all to provide the children with the best opportunities they can. We're lucky that it's a very well supported group with engaged, willing parents for the most part, but even so there is a small core of rude, entitled people who take but can't be bothered to give.

[TheSparrowhawk]

I never said anything about being superior Milk, that's your own baggage talking. I pointed out that volunteers have problems too.

[Ragwort]

I am a 'serial' volunteer and my parents were (still are in their 80s ) and so is my DH - it was just the way we were raised. For the first time ever I am no longer on a PTA as my DS's school doesn't have one - due to apathy in previous years.

However I think this expression in the 'Open Letter' is key:
I assume that you enjoy being part of a community, and that your child also enjoys it too.

Actually a lot of people are really not that bothered about being part of a 'community' - lots of people want to just get on with their lives in their own way - they may like the fact that their child goes to football/Brownies/whatever but they genuinely don't give any thought to how it is run. Many people have no idea who their local councillor is, look at the low turn out for any election? Not everyone cares about the 'community'.

I've always volunteered whether working full time or not, when renting in a village for just three months I managed quite easily to find something to volunteer for, when doing a 'year out travelling' I was able to volunteer - I can't imagine not volunteering, I have made so many friends (world wide) because of it and it's how I met my DH . I do get the 'sanctimonious' aspect of it, I know some people think I am a 'do-gooder' but volunteering is my hobby - it's just how I love to spend my time. I now am in a paid role working with other volunteers so my experience is really useful.

But I would love to know 'why' some people volunteer and some don't - it's not time (except in a very few, rare cases) as there is always something you can do at home, hours to suit yourself - if you want to. Whoever said they can't help with a sport because they can't play it is wrong, there is always fund raising, catering, cleaning, publicity, grounds maintenance, admin etc etc - I help with my DS's sports club in spite of being the least sporty person in the world !

[Deadsouls]

I think I could do more. But I haven't done it yet. It's an interesting question as to why I don't.

Partly it's my temperament, being introverted and never been a 'joiner-in' ever. Upbringing, my mum was not a joiner-in either.
Saying that I do think I and the people I volunteered for would benefit from participation. As in being community minded.
I don't think I'd ever do the PTA, governor thing.

[budgiegirl]

How many people who are regulars on the volunteer circuit work full time?

At our Scout Group, all the volunteers work full time, to my knowledge. Plus have families, are single parents with two jobs, have busy lives and so on.

I fully appreciate that, for a few people, they just don't have the time to volunteer on top of everything else they do. But for most, they just don't want to. That's fine, but don't dress it up as something it's not by saying you are too busy to help, as a very busy volunteer, that really bugs me.

[Sittinginthesun]

I volunteer, but I have never really thought about it in those terms. I just help out where I can, as much for my own benefit as anyone else.

I started with my dcs' school (I work part time, stressful job, with terminally I'll/recently bereaved etc, and it feels good to spend time with children).

Ended up as a governor, as I knew they were short. Then one child's club committee, then another. If a club is struggling with lack of committee members, and I can fit it in, I hate just standing by and ignoring.

It's not the volunteering, it's just seeing a job that needs doing, and doing it.

[Deadsouls]

ragwort
You say you'd love to know why people don't voluteer but actually your enquiry is loaded. It's clear that you think that people should volunteer, and that they could if they wanted. And I get the impression that you think people ought to voluteer because you volunteer.

[Deadsouls]

But isn't a case if some people want to volunteer and some don't? Some people do other things and don't volunteer. Some people really enjoy volunteering.
I don't think it's helpful if people who volunteer judge those who don't.

[fairweathercyclist]

I don't volunteer at the moment other than the occasional role at parkrun. I'm child welfare officer for my running club too, but as we are an adult club but occasionally have kids at events with their parents present it's largely a tick box role and I just go to the odd safeguarding course/briefing so not a big time commitment. I offered to be child welfare officer for a local kids' cycling club and was told I had to be at every session! Seems crazy to me, if you do the role for a football club you can't possibly be at every training session and match! So those kinds of demands can put people off.

I was a school governor for 8 years, and I also did other volunteer roles when my son played football and for my running club. What I find interesting is that some people receive recognition for their efforts volunteering but I sometimes think if you never volunteer it's easier than if you do and then stop. People seem to get more of a hump with you if you stop volunteering than if you never did. That said, I've done two volunteer roles where the two people who did the roles before me were given flowers at the end of their "terms" and I didn't even get a thank you - clearly glad to get rid of me, not sure I did anything dreadful though. I did get a card and flowers when I stopped being a governor, though.

I also think that many people don't volunteer with brownies etc because they can't cope with larger groups of kids.

As for putting the goals away every week - there's a bit of a nack to getting them up and down, and it's best if people who don't know what they are doing, keep out of the way ;)

I'm uncomfortable about services that were formerly, and still should be, state funded being run by volunteers, but understand why they do it

And yes to this. It's not right that qualified library staff are being replaced with volunteers.

[Vegansnake]

Our PTA is a close knit group,voting each other in..all the same people running everything,everyone knows its cliquey and there would be no point trying to join.i asked when my son joined the school..they run /control everything...the only other thing my child does isn't run by volunteers and there is no opportunity for volunteers as it's £50 a month...

[Sgtmajormummy]

I was press-ganged into being one of the Parents' Representatives for DS's high school class (4 people at the meeting and the other 2 were standing down). They were a difficult class and it was our job to pass some pretty strong, and justified, complaints between the parents and the school board, both directions.
I put up with a lot of crap from some parents fuming over their perceived injustices, spent hours calming them down and working out how much could be real. I got so much stress that I personally nominated "You don't know who I am" Mother as Representative the following year.
Completely thankless and never again!

However I also fell into occasional anonymous volunteering with the National Institute for the Blind (not UK) which Is rewarding and I think does make a difference. I translate books and documents onto audio files.

Both parents were church based volunteers.

[Roussette]

I think there are many understandable reasons why people don't volunteer and they come from lack of time and mental/physical energy. That makes sense. I had a few years in my life when I couldn't face volunteering for anything.

However, those that wouldn't dream of volunteering however much time or capacity they had.... depending on what you do, you don't know what you're missing. I won't go into details but I learnt a skill through volunteering that actually took me into a very worthwhile career change. This happened with the DD of a friend of mine too. She volunteered at the Olympics as a Steward for 2 weeks. As a result of that, she got herself a fantastic job with a sports organisation, they were very impressed with her giving up 2 weeks holiday.

[TinfoilHattie]

Also volunteering doesn't have to mean giving up loads of time or even making a regular committment. From a PTA point of view we regularly have small, one-off jobs which need doing and can be done from the sofa - putting together a newsletter, managing the Twitter account, mass emailing local companies to ask about raffle prizes, researching opportunities for fundraising (like putting together a recipe book or having a bin for plastic coins in Asda/Waitrose). All small tasks which can easily be done when you have kids in the house or other issues which mean you can't come to meetings.

Still like putting teeth though, it's always the same people who end up doing everything.