Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

Kr1stina, no one hates volunteers. Some of us just think that you do it for your own reasons and therefore we don't feel obliged to do it too if we don't share those reasons.
We don't want to be on the receiving end of letters like the one on the OP telling us all to be grateful and volunteering too. It is annoying. Mostly people don't think about volunteers and that results in rude behaviour (like not clearing up after football for ex) but it is a long way from hatred.

The people who are demanding and entitled and critical of what the volunteer does/diesn't do, will be like that in all aspects of their lives. They probably bitch about everyone and everything. Volunteers at their dc's club have just had the misfortune to stray across their path.

What AGM? As far as I know they don't have one? If they do they don't advertise it? Maybe I will ask school, we've been contributing for at least ten years now.

Don't be daft, they can't be arsed to go to the AGM!

Some do it for the prestige or to impress others or to be seen to be doing something for others that is true. But the vast majority do it for the sheer pleasure of what they do , the fun and friendships they get from it

What about forms of volunteering where there is no prestige or notice, and there is no opportunity for fun, or friendship? That pretty much sums up one of my volunteer roles, and yet I still do it, like lots of other people.
Why do people need to downplay what people do by insisting they only do it for their own gain?

Cork, people have posiibly focussed on the school/club element because of the letter in the OP concentrating on that aspect of volunteering

I didn't read the letter, I knew it would be sanctimonious shit. But people need to stop thinking of volunteering in such a narrow way, is my point.

I volunteer regularly in some aspects of my life, but not so much at ds's school because:

1. The regular volunteers have become something of a clique and don't help out new volunteers - they've been doing it for ages and don't seem to appreciate that new people don't just rock up automatically knowing what to do.

1. It's never clear exactly what they're looking for volunteers for - if it was presented as do a,b,c on x date which will take roughly y hours then you'd know what you were getting yourself in for, but it's always very vague.

1. When I did bite the bullet last year, I turned up at the time and place I'd been told. There was no-one there, no-one seemed to be expecting me or know what I was meant to be doing, and when I emailed the organiser asking if something had gone wrong there was complete silence!

I'm hoping it'll be different when ds2 is at school when most of the current lot will have moved on.

I really am happy to help, but when you're a newbie you need a lot more guidance than a seasoned hand - I wonder if, despite the regular complaints that they have to do it all themselves, they just find it easier that way.

I'm a serial volunteer...very, very few of my friends volunteer even though some of them arguably have much more time than I do and don't have any DC.

Apparently they are "too busy". It does make me feel very when they complain about 'the state' of certain things but neither volunteer, donate or do well anything to change the status quo.

I don't know why I volunteer and they don't. I suspect partly upbringing - I was brought up that if you don't like something, you work to change it and if you're not willing to work to change it you don't get to whinge about it.

I also find though that volunteering gives me as much as I put in - networks, interesting social contacts and experiences I wouldn't otherwise have, insight into interesting areas of society I wouldn't have any link to, a wider perspective. Volunteering genuinely makes me a more rounded person.

...and to answer previous questions.

I work full time in The City. I leave home at 7am and get back at 7.30pm Monday to Friday which includes a four hour daily commute.

Still a volunteer.

I volunteer. I am a union rep in addition to holding down a full time job, and I also am a custody visitor for the Police & Crime Commissioner in my area, visiting people who have been arrested to make sure they have been given their PaCE rights. I have always found the volunteering to be my sanctuary from a demanding job. I am also a mother. My son is a teen now but I've been a union rep since he was at primary school.

Volunteer fatigue is a good way of describing how thankless it can be sometimes when you are one of a shrinking group of people doing something to help others, who all refuse to become involved (not even attending a 30 minute meeting in their lunch break) because they are busy. Yet the first person they turn to when they have problems at work is their rep, and expect them to be able to drop everything and help right there and then.

Goodness well done stumbly, do you have small dc at all?

They have to have one, Mumzy- they are registered charity. Have you never asked what they spend the money on?

Last post...for context while working full time the volunteer roles I've done at various points (not all at the same time!) are:

• Helpline listener for a Rape Crisis helpline (one or two shifts a fortnight from 7.30-9.30pm, could even take calls at home once experienced) for a couple of years

• Trustee on management board for the same charity for four years

• Ran local professional institute for a year and helped run it for several other years

• Worked with pedophiles after release from prison to prevent them re-offending (met them once a week for two hours)

• Foster cats in my spare room for Cats Protection

• Help at Cats Protection events (basically making cakes and/or shaking a collecting tin) as and when I can (takes a few hours a year)

I'm not currently volunteering so am now looking to apply to be a magistrate (I will take unpaid time off work) and/or to be a local Councillor.

And I have bipolar disorder and have had two mental breakdowns involving stays in psychiatric hospitals during this time.

I'm not saying this to sound 'better' than anyone. I'm just pointing out that working full time and having a serious disability/mental illness doesn't mean you should think you can't volunteer.

I also ran a mental illness support group once a month for a year which helped me as much as the people that came for example...not much time, and actually helped me recover from a breakdown.

BertrandRussell.....No I haven't, we've only just got school twitter this year, and I've seen one posting where they say they bought a couple of tablets for use in the younger classes, and a couple years ago in the school newsletter they said they had bought play equipment, again for the younger part of the school, oh and this year they spent £100 on vouchers for an old lady in the village, totally unconnected to the school who had an accident. Apart from that they don't tell us about agms or provide treasurer's reports. I work full time so don't do pick ups or drop offs so don't really get to see any of the mums. I might look on school website and email and ask, thanks for the info.

They don't publish it and wouldn't know who to ask for it. Have sometimes thought of asking school, but don't want to be seen to be causing a problem If you are not prepared to find out, then you can't judge what the PTA do. Clearly they must do something, if they've just bought tablets for the school.

but they sound like things I do for my children myself anyway ie visits from planetarium people? I take mine direct to places like planetarium s, museums etc Well good for you, but not every child has access to this sort of thing. Or can afford to do these things.

I find it hard to believe that someone would think that making as many different experiences open to as many children as possible is not worth spending money on, or fundraising for.

Efteling...I don't have small DC yet (hopefully one day!).

I will still volunteer though even though I'll still work in The City full time and with bipolar disorder. I will look for things I can either do while DP takes care of the DC (a lot of what I've done is a couple of evenings a month), I can still foster cats as that's easy to do with DC and I'll look for things I can do with the DC for a couple of hours at the weekend (befriender for a local isolated elderly person for example).

To say you don't volunteer because someone was rude to you once or they are too cliquey is just a lame excuse. Don't volunteer, fine, but please, hold the lame excuses. To all you amazing people out there who do volunteer and make this world a better place. Thank you!

Fab stumblymonkey. You may feel differently when you have kids and want to spend your free time with them.

Honestly....for those who don't volunteer yet it's a great experience, you won't regret it and there are so many different types of volunteer role available.

You can do things that only take a few hours a month and all studies suggest that the benefits for volunteers way exceed the time you give.

New friends, contact with different types of people you wouldn't normally get to meet, experiences you wouldn't have. A lot of roles give you exposure to the sort of life circumstances that make you feel grateful for your own lot (spoken by someone with a severe mental health issue and childhood abuse survivor), that feeling of gratitude is worth its weight in gold to me.

do-it.org

Strong...this is exactly the kind of thing people who don't volunteer say.

You might feel differently if you worked FT (I do)
You might feel differently if you had a huge commute like me (I do)
You might feel differently if you had a mental health problem like me (I do)

When I have DC I will add that to the list above. A lot of previous posters here who volunteer do have children. My DM volunteered and worked FT.

I said in my post that I can still foster cats at home (does not take me away from DC) and that I will find volunteer roles that I can take my DC with me...

• Community gardening
• Befriending an elderly person or other vulnerable person a couple of hours at the weekend
• Helping at kids groups that my DC would attend

Sorry, just think it's another excuse.

That's a bit patronising strong mummy. Lots of people who have kids volunteer. They help at things their kids do, or take their kids with them. Or even leave their kids with their other parent. Lost of kids actually volunteer themselves.

No one here is attacking you personally for not volunteering, It's your life, your choice. You have to live with yourself.

So please stop putting down others who make different choices .

Sorry x posted

Budgiegirl..I don't think you have managed to read my subsequent posts? I've already answered those points.id be very surprised if kids in my area can't can't go to museums (most of which are free, and planetariums etc etc, as I explained it's a small village and we aren't the most well off by any stretch of the imagination.

kr1stina exactly. As I said above I volunteer in two very different areas, work full time and have a child. It's not mutually exclusive, as you quite rightly pointed out, in many cases children can be involved in the volunteering. Whilst my son cannot come to the police station with me (obviously) he comes to union events - has been on picket lines with me, gone to marches etc, and has become politically aware and interested in helping others as a result. He also has the option of staying at home with his dad. My son now volunteers himself, and fundraises for the British Legion.

*Mumsypopz' Just because they can, doesn't mean they are.