Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

I'm a full time Carer for two family members and fighting my own mental health battles. I'm also on the committee for organising the village fair. Probably 4 people on the committee carry the lion's share of the work and I'm one of them. I get away with it because most of it is done by phone, post and email, spread across the year with also half a dozen meetings each year and two days solid commitment to run it.

I'm lucky to have a volunteering opportunity that is so flexible. I would love to do more. On the subject of what irritates me though it is people in the village who complain but won't volunteer themselves or even make any helpful suggestions. Be constructive or shut up!

Some people seem to love the idea that they are undervalued and that the non volunteers are selfish entitleds who despise them and their hard work. It gives them purpose

I don't remember feeling like that before. But I do think that you sound a bit like a "selfish entitled"

I did lots of volunteering while my children were small and I was a SAHM. Now I have teenagers and a stressful job I have much less time than I did then. I also used to like the social aspect of committee meetings but now, if I've spent a day in meetings, I just can't face 2 hours with the PTA. I will do more in the future when my life changes again.

In what way beatrix (FYI the smiley doesn't make it any less of a personal attack)
I have been a volunteer for years.
I am a carer at home and I support people in my work.

But you think I am a selfish entitled because I express a view that you don't agree with.

Pretty much proving a point there.

I am very shy and struggle to put myself 'out there'. I was encouraged to volunteer for the preschool fund raising committee. I was told how social it was, lots of jolly planning sessions with wine and a great way to get to know people. I offered to help at the main annual event. A week beforehand I was allocated my task by email, turned up on the day and did it ( perfectly well). I was never invited to any of the jolly planning sessions and never asked to help out again. I felt very rebuffed. I also dipped a toe in the water at school, offering to help at an event where they were asking for help. I wasn't given an answer, and when I checked on the morning was told they had plenty of help. I 've also put down my contact details on a form for the PTA for the last 3 years saying I'm willing to help if asked for specific events, and never heard anything. I very much get the feeling that the preschool committee and PTA tend to be groups of friends who volunteer together (I'll do it if you will) and they don't particularly want outsiders getting involved because the meetings are the social get togethers of their friendship group. When they've done their year or two and have had enough, they then complain about how nobody helps. I make sure we support all the fundraisers but I won't offer to help again. So that's my personal reason for not helping out more.

I'm treasurer for the school PTA and work full-time. My OH volunteers for several of the PTA events as well as other activities. We did it because we wanted to be involved in the school community without needing to be at school pick up or in the classrooms helping out.

However, I don't necessarily agree with the letter saying your child will find it great and positive that you're involved. My daughter is pretty fed up with having to spend the whole day at the school fete because both Mum and Dad are heavily involved.

As I do so much for the PTA, I don't offer my time to the other things that my DD is involved in. So I may come across as uninterested with the dancing, or the gymnastics, or the Brownies, but there just isn't any more of me available to go round.

Hhmmmm. I was on our PTA for 2 years.

The first year at the end of the academic year there were some fairly horrid comments on social media about the chair and what had and hadn't happened during the year. I wrote it off thinking it was a one off.

Sadly the same thing happened the next year and by that time the committee were so down beaten by the social media comments noone returned in the September.

My experience taught me you need a thick skin and quite frankly whilst I am generally fairly thick skinned even I had had enough. I would seriously think twice about doing school committees again

sara107 that's rotten, so sorry to hear they were like that. I must admit I've heard similar. When we first started our festival - a few came forward very tentatively to ask if anyone could join - errrrm YES was my response, but they had had similar experiences to yours. They were enthusiastically welcomed by us, maybe it's easier when it's new and not school related - I don't know. maybe look at other more social notclicky committees in your area. I promise not all committees are like that. We have an ebb & a flow which matches the type of event we put together, can't abide cliques.

I think the letter is great - it challenges readers to think how they can help, and what they would do if others didn't/ couldn't anymore. As others have said, there are too many parents who think because they pay something to help run a club or activity, they don't need to volunteer/ offer to help themselves. Volunteering is for all!

I help at my kids' swimming club as a volunteer official at competitions. All swimming officials are volunteers, and yet without the 30 or so officials required for every session of every competition, the events could not run. I had to train for the role, giving up my own time as many other swimming parents have done. At some events the club has to provide 2 qualified officials, or risk being deducted points, and at others the club has to provide 1 official for every 10 swimmers entered. Yet in the last 2 years, no parents have come forward to train as officials. And when you try to drum up some support, they give excuses like "oh, I couldn't do that" or "I don't want to have to stay till the end of all the races". Instead they might offer to carry round a tray of refreshments for one session, once a year... These same people (many, who do have time to volunteer, and whose kids benefit enormously) will not be so happy when the next event is cancelled due to lack of officials available (it has been threatened), and their ds or dd is not able to achieve qualifying times for regional or national events... or the team is docked points and no longer qualifies for a league final...

And when I recently decided not to volunteer to officiate for a session recently so I could watch my child swim, I was asked by other spectating parents 'why aren't you on poolside?' My response... 'because it's voluntary!' Though it could have been... 'why aren't you...?'

I've volunteered a lot since having kids and stopping full time work. But there are some volunteers who are terrible managers who treated me like an underling employee of little importance, I've experienced this in the NCT, girl guiding and the PTA. It's like the authority has gone to their heads despite being volunteers themselves. Thankfully there have been lots of nice people and the actual employees have supported me, and other volunteers, very well. I gave up helping the three charities above and helped elsewhere. Sometimes it's the other people or leaders who put others off. They are still great causes but it's a shame some volunteers are allowed to behave so others want to leave or not even join.

I'm now back to work and the volunteering contributed massively. I still do a bit around work. Yes I'm tired and have a disability but it's really worthwhile but definitely under appreciated, especially by the parents of the young people I help with.

Sara that was also my experience with the PTA. I know I'm not the usual demographic for a parent at the school, too young. I took my skills, what I now actually do professionally, elsewhere. It's amazing how appreciative these new charities were and I gained really useful experience, trusted to do things usually not done by volunteers and made to feel almost part of the team - I almost ended up working there.

I have had a similar experience as sara107.
I moved to a new area last year and had every intention of being involved with school/community events. I volunteered for a PTA run event at my children's school - partly because I wanted to help out and partly because I thought it would be a good introduction to some parents.
I was emailed a list of jobs I could choose from, I chose the jobs I was best suited to and emailed the head of the PTA back. Carried out the jobs prior to the event and spent the day of the event helping out, staying to help tidy up afterwards. When the tidying was finished, 12 of the 14 volunteers, who were obviously friends, headed off with shouts of "Pub, we deserve it!", leaving myself and the other new volunteer uninvited. We headed off to a different pub together and are now firm friends. We both volunteer at the pre-school now but I wouldn't involve myself with the PTA again.

Oh sara107 that is sad and any of the comittees/pta etc that I have been on would have welcomed you with open arms. I agree with some posters that you often need to be thick skinned and that's just to put up with some of the cliques on some committees. I have done treasurer at preschool then again at ds/dd school, governor at dd senior school (great experience) and on same school pta. Have helped out at cubs/scouts (now and then as time allowed) and been a fosterer/fundraiser for cp. I ran my own full time business but felt it is important to give back where and when I could and yes both my parents did some volunteer work when they were alive. I have also fought to save a local greenspace spending many hours in meetings with councillors/homeowners/local residents with some but little support from those it affected. Often people say "if you want something done ask a busy person" and I am one of those! I don't do so much now as I'm old and still working and it seems the only one able to do overtime!! I think I am just giving back as I feel I have a good life and my kids have benefited from others who have run groups/afterschool clubs/fundraising etc. Each to there own but I'm happy to be a giver.

Wow - where to start... here goes

In order:
Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? YES
Do you value them? YES
Do you volunteer yourself? YES, INCL FINANCIAL SUPPORT
Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? ALWAYS
And know the feeling - my DD was in a football team that was threatened with closure. Her DF stepped in, completed the training, did the security checks etc and he coached the team but changes in job meant he had to stop - the team was disbanded due to lack of coach

Now for that letter - confrontational, horrible, sanctimonious and offensive. I'm mostly offensive that it is signed 'All the Regular Volunteers'. In fact, so offended, I just posted a bit of a rant on their FB page!

It's in the word 'volunteer'. No one forces anyone else. If people are doing it to feel better than other people not doing it, then I'd rather they didn't.

The letter is totally counterproductive. It would not in any way make me want to volunteer if I didn't.

Awful

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

I'm wondering what all the activities not relying on volunteers are? Genuine question!

I used to ice skate, very expensive sport. Obviously my coach was paid. But clubs and competitions were organised by volunteers, all judges for tests and competitions are volunteers who only get expenses paid nothing for their time and expertise.

Have run 2 toddler groups when DD was that age, volunteered at Commonwealth Games, but now single sandwich generation parent and 20 yr old DD at Uni but with mental health issues. DF with Alzheimers which takes up a day a week plus working almost FT...do want to do more- planning to when retire in couple of years.
Interestingly DD does loads - ran Brownie pack for 2 years, buddying group for overseas students, blogs for YWCA and NUS rep - plus other stuff- too much really- I do tell her but what do I know- I'm only her Mother!!

My dd does gymnastics for which the coach and assistants are paid. Also dance classes. Neither are cheap though.

Volunteers are not saints, they choose to volunteer for their own benefit above all else, either because they want a hobby/purpose, feel good giving or because they are on an ego trip. Apparently from this thread that ego trip includes feeling superior to others who choose not to or cant volunteer

Yeah, all you bastard volunteers, you should quit now. Let most children's and adults activities in this county grind to a halt. And most sport, professional and amateur. Choirs and orchestras. Arts activities.

They should all be reserved for those who are rich enough to pay the full economic cost.

Stop helping all these bastard poor people and elderly people and people with people with disabilities and addictions.

Because it's just an ego trip you know and no one else benefits.

harder my DD's activities are run "for profit" by paid staff (swimming, ballet).

Actually for her age group (4) it's hard to think of anything near me which isn't paid for. Too old for toddler groups, too young for brownies or sports clubs.

Looking at the negative experience stories reminds me of why I quit the Girl guiding movement literally half a life time ago. I'd started Rainbow volunteering to get a Guide badge and stuck around for several years, training and qualifying as a Young Leader during that time. Then the Leader quit and the Rector brought in his Niece who just wanted to swan in and out but have me do all the hard work for her! Nope.

Hats off to some volunteers- they do a great job. I have volunteered in the past - a French club - and I help at DC school fairs. However, there are some who volunteer for the wrong reasons, I feel. They want to be seen to be doing something or in charge. In my village, there are annual volunteer awards and I do feel they quite enjoy the recognition, rather than saying, "no thanks, I don't do it for the recognition."

Thing is most volunteers like it and get something from it. There is a mixture of altruism and self- interest in most volunteering.

And if they hate it even if they think it's worthwhile, or worse hate everyone else for not doing something they hate, they just shouldn't do it anymore, not whinge about how unappreciated they are.

Its hard not to feel a little hmm when you are clearing up after a school event, lugging tables and rubbish to the recycling etc and other parents sit around and watch you whilst drinking in the sun

But you chose to do that. You didn't have to and I appreciate the people who do volunteer their time but I don't feel like I should help with the clearing up when I'm not the one who volunteered my time. Especially for things like school fetes that I really don't want to go to in the first place.

I assume volunteers do it because they enjoy it or because it's important to them to do so. It's not something I enjoy and should not feel obligated to help out when I never signed up for that. If I saw someone struggling I would help, if I saw Bert's husband having to clear up a load of stuff completely on his own with no help at all I would help him because I'm not the type of person to watch someone clear up alone. If there was a group of volunteers I wouldn't.

Thanks for your replies aderyn and minipie I didn't know if things like that relied on volunteers in the background even though the coaches/teachers etc are paid, as it is with ice skating.

I've been a treasurer, pta 'dogsbody', unpaid CRB checker for a charity, and been busy on village stuff, so I've done a bit of volunteering over the years and I have to say I hate the tone and implication of that letter. If you volunteer then do it freely, willingly, and without desire of recognition or reward. What a load of self-righteous cobblers. If someone doesn't want to volunteer, or is unable to volunteer then that's their call. If someone else chooses to do it then that's their call.

Pta is the hardest though, I think most parents now would rather just handover a cheque for £x to the school and bypass the whole buy/make it, give it in, queue for it, buy it back routine- putting a few balloons up and charging an entrance fee doesn't make it a fun event, it's simply a test of endurance for pta and punters alike.