Interesting letter from a volunteer to non volunteers

[Narnia72]

Volunteering

I hope the link works. We often have discussions about "worthy" volunteers with regard to school activities, but this was a thought provoking read. It was timely for me as my son's football team is having to close the younger age group classes as there's no-one to coach (made up of volunteer coaches). It made me think about all the volunteers who give their time to run low cost groups for my kids; brownies, cubs, football, messy church, netball, youth drama are all run by volunteers. When you talk to them it's clear there is a circuit- they often start on the pre school committee, then progress onto PFA, governors, then to the clubs that their children are interested in. It's very much the same people, over and over again. Why is that?

It also reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a brown owl, who had been spoken to very rudely by a parent, complaining about the activities on offer, and why they didn't do more. When asked if she would help, this parent recoiled in horror and said "but I PAY you to do this for my kids". There's clearly a massive lack of understanding about what these roles are.

So, open to debate. Do your children benefit from activities run by volunteers? Do you value them? Do you volunteer yourself? If not, do you look to help in any way, either by donations to the group, or supporting fundraising events? Do you ever think to say thank you to the volunteers? This is not meant to be a goady post, I volunteer in a minor capacity at school, but although I do value what the external clubs do for my kids, I am guilty of taking the volunteers who run them very much for granted. I am going to say thanks to them all this week!

I'm trying to help the football team attract coaches (football sadly not something either me or DH are in any way skilled at), and have met with so much apathy and indifference, but also entitlement, as though the tiny sub they pay guarantees a 5 star service.

I know the letter writer is a bit sanctimonious, but thought there were some good points in and amongst. Thoughts?

The only 'volunteer' led activity that we have at the moment is soccer and everyone in our team pulls their kid's weight

Wow, that's great, it must be a very exceptional set of parents. Between my DH and me, we have experience of volunteering on quite a number of different childrens activities, and I have never come across a team/group where all the parents get involved. Of course some parents do, and some are fantastic, but never ALL of them. Your football coach is very lucky.

Our school got rid of the PTA because of all the whining from the Mummy Martyrs

Really? Or was it because not enough parents wanted to help? I can see why a school would do this, and I'm sure lots of parents would rather pay that way, but I do think that some school events, such as a summer fair, can be more about putting on an event for the kids and the community, rather than just fundraising. Maybe the 'Mummy Martyrs' horrible expression, by the way felt the same.

Mummy martyrs - what an misogynistic term!

And how nice that your son is part of a football team where only privileged children can attend. No kids from single parent families, disabled parents, poor families, people with mental health problems, shift workers, full time workers, or those with elderly parents or young children.

All of whom we he have heard upthread cannot possibly help out at anything . People you describe as " needing carried "

What a delightful person you sound.

I think I dislike the "mummy martyr" term almost as much as I despise "breastapo" and that's saying something.

People who help out with PTA - and we have dads as well as mums - aren't martyring themselves at our school. We all of us work - out of the 4 main positions of chair (2 of them, they share it), treasurer and secretary, one is full time, 2 do full time hours over 4 days, one is self-employed part time. Busy people. We also regularly review our events to see what's working and what's not, running unprofitable events, or events where the effort outweighs the reward doesn't happen. I think in the last academic year we made around £8k for the school with a role of just under 400 pupils.

I personally don't get any "glory" from doing PTA stuff. One line mention omce a year from the Head in a newsletter or a thank you at assembly. Big deal. I help out with the PTA because I want my kids to have access to the stuff PTA money funds - workshops from Opera companies, a visit from a planetarium to learn all about hte moon and stars, new iPads for classrooms, new books in the school library, visits from authors for world book day - all the stuff which enhances the school enormously but which isn't covered in the basic budget.

Sneering about mummy martyrs is just rude.

I don't carry other people, haven't got time/energy

Good job we don't all think like that.

I work as a volunteer manager for a charity and I really appreciate and value all of the work they do.

But I have never met a formal volunteer yet who wasn't in it for themselves and that may sound a negative statement but it is not.

Some do it for the prestige or to impress others or to be seen to be doing something for others that is true. But the vast majority do it for the sheer pleasure of what they do , the fun and friendships they get from it.

Other people do not have time or choose other ways of spending their time but for my volunteers that is fine if others were nor takers they could not be givers.

However we have found in recent years the number of people being formal volunteers has decreased as most of my volunteers are newly retired and nowadays they are providing massive amounts of childcare.

And that is the difference - this is also usually voluntary to help out the family but is not seen as volunteering.

The person who is always organising play dates and willing to pick kids up and collects parcels for their neighbours is not seen as a volunteer....but they are.

I spend a lot of time looking for new and different ways people can be involved and help out without becoming formal volunteers.

I don't believe for one second that a school got rid of its PTA because of the volunteers.
I suspect it was the lack of them that was the problem.

Without a PTA who organises charity events BTW? Many PTAs raise thousands for local (often unpopular) charities.

I'm a charity shop volunteer too Sundance and I agree that nobody would do it if they weren't getting something out of it. Everyone has different reasons. I do it because yes I enjoy it, I think the charity does important work and I want to contribute to that. Other people are doing it as part of their DofE award, or because they want to boost their CV. But even though they are doing it for their own reasons they are still doing great stuff for the charity and pulling in loads of money through the shop.

But the vast majority do it for the sheer pleasure of what they do , the fun and friendships they get from it

That's true, I love being a cub leader, I have made friends through it, and I enjoy the majority of it. There are, of course, parts that are not so great - lots of meetings, lots of prep work, juggling family life while not letting the cubs down, a few grumpy parents (although not too many of those thankfully). But just being with the children as they try things for the first time, have fun, learn new skills, laugh, is worth all the difficult things.

But just because I enjoy it doesn't mean that I should be sneered at, or criticized, or taken for granted by (luckily a minority) of parents, or that I don't occasionally feel a bit undervalued.

My DS (17) has worked in a charity shop for almost three years.

He started as part of DofE, but kept going because the manager has asked him to (he's strong so can hump boxes etc, reliable, utterly uncomplaining).

I don't think he enjoys it per se, but he sees it as something worthwhile.

Now his work at a local primary school he loved. Running around a playground playing 'it' with a gang of 6 year olds .

I hope that anyone who uses the term "mummy martyr" -or daddy martyr as I am sure many on here would term my dp- never let their children attend any activity run by volunteers, or use any of the equipment, read any of the books or go on any of the trips paid for by volunteer raised funds.

That's not aimed at people who can't or don't want to volunteer. It's aimed at people who actively despise those who do.

"

I work full time in finance, any spare time I want to spend with my son. I also enjoy my own hobbies, opera singing and weightlifting. and so do I volunteer? nope, no time or inclination. WOULD I volunteer in an activity where I could use my music skills teaching a class that my son was in? perhaps. Am I thankful to volunteers, yes. Do I need a letter from them reminding me how great they are when in fact they aren't really doing it for altruistic reasons, more for a sense of self fulfilment. No.

I agree it's a mind set in that some people will always do a lot of volunteering despite having lots on their plate and some won't. My in-laws are very vocal about having paid taxes all their lives (which apparently pays for everyone in the uk on benefits), yet despite being healthy and retired have never done a days' worth of volunteering in their lives.

"I don't believe for one second that a school got rid of its PTA because of the volunteers"

Me neither. This is what happened. The 3 actively involved people went to the Head and said they really couldn't do it any more because there weren't enough of them. A message went out asking for more help. Nobody came forward. Another message went out saying that sadly, due to lack of support, the PTA was being would up. The 3 actively involved people are labelled whining mummy martyrs.

Confidence comes into it too.

If you have no experience of being in meetings, speaking up in front of others then you will avoid committees.

After a disastrous chairmanship I avoided committees for ever. Now old and uncaring of others' opinion I go into peoples' homes, attend huge meetings as a volunteer. It's interesting work

I'm a volunteer (work full time, no kids) and feel that letter and this thread come across a v martyrish.

There is an issue with many places where if you volunteer once, you will be guilt tripped into doing more.

I've had an issue where I got quite poor treatment when I decided to stop volunteering for one organisation. This decision was made where if I didn't turn up for a meeting they called me up and demanded to know where I was. No boundaries at all.

There is also, as people have pointed out an issue with volunteers taking paid people's jobs. And another one with it being a way to force women into even more unpaid work imo.

This thread is fascinating but disturbing. I didn't realise how many people actually hate and despise the people running their kids football club / choir because these people actually enjoy it and they have not met their own very high standards of altruism.

And now I can see that the people who won't spend 5 minutes putting away the goals and equipment at the end of training are not disabled people who can't lift things or carers running off to visit their dying mother in hospital .

They are not lazy, selfish and entitled arses . They are in fact people of principle who feel that the pleasure of teaching their precious Snowflake to play football /sing should be joy enough for the leaders. And that saying thanks or giving a hand once a year would be wrong in principle, because the evail bastard leaders are getting something out of it.

So I've got a great idea. I know nothing and care less about football . So I could swap with Bernard's partner and take his football club. Then all these wonderful principled parents who are not helping out because her DP isn't altruistic enough for their tastes could help me. Because I would hate every minute of it .

I'm sure the team would thrive under someone who knows nothing about the sport or coaching and has no patience with children.

And all these people who refuse to help on principle would be magically freed to take a turn and help out. Because it wouldnt offend their high moral principles .

Sorted.

Sorry , not Bernard's partner, Bertrand .

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Although I don't agree with everything Iamnotawitch said, perhaps there are mummy martyrs at her school. We don't know, do we, so don't people should have a go at her for her comments.
Not trying to bash all PTAs, but I'm still not 100% sure they are that useful. Could just be that ours doesn't tell us what they spend their money on.
Some people have said their children really benefit from things that they do, but they sound like things I do for my children myself anyway ie visits from planetarium people? I take mine direct to places like planetarium s, museums etc. Visits from authors? We've just had that at our school, the school paid for it. New books, school pays for them. PTA did buy some tablets for children, but only for some classes, not all, and to be honest my child can do maths on his tablet at home.....Fetes? I can take my children to a fair/fete anytime....so I'm still not sure if the benefits.

People are critising her for her misogynistic language. Racism, sexism, anti semitism , homophobia - they don't go down well here.

And aren't your children really lucky to have the time and money to do all these nice things at home. I wonder if you have ever thought that not all children in Your children's school are as fortunate as yours and they might benefit from what the PTA does. And at zero cost and inconvenience to you as you don't help.

Can you see why some people might think it's A Good Thing when children benefit, even if they are not their own ?

"Not trying to bash all PTAs, but I'm still not 100% sure they are that useful. Could just be that ours doesn't tell us what they spend their money on."

What did the treasurer's report say?

I have often been tempted to introduce a Canadian style system to our sports team - parents pay a deposit at the start of the year, and gain points by volunteering throughout the year to help the team in various ways. Acquire enough points and you get your deposit back.

Except I think enough parents would be happy to pay the money and do nothing and you're still stuck with the problem of not having enough volunteers to be able to run the team.

We don't get a treasurer's report. They don't publish it and wouldn't know who to ask for it. Have sometimes thought of asking school, but don't want to be seen to be causing a problem. Kr1stina.....Yesmy children are lucky, but we are no better off than any of the other parents in our area, and think possibly a lot of them are better off than us so probably do the same as we do for their children. It's a small village school. And we do contribute monetary wise, x number of pounds a year for dressing up days, etc etc. We don't volunteer at school as we do extensive volunteering outside of school.

PTAs are registered charities. They have legal obligations. Including holding an AGM which must include a treasurer's report. Email the Chiair and ask for a copy.

We don't get a treasurer's report.

It should be presented at the AGM?