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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the nanny is crossing boundaries?

220 replies

marathonman · 28/02/2017 16:19

Which of these issues that I've had with a school wraparound plus occasional overnights nanny would bother or concern you the most? One primary school aged DC.

  1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC
  2. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights
  3. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time
  4. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight
  5. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover
  6. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day

I would just like reference for what other parents think would be an issue...

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 28/02/2017 18:22

Nannys round here (south west not near a city) earn £8-10 an hour. It's honestly the norm and more than a TA earns in a school. Mumsnet seems to pay higher rates. Similarly, I've only ever known one cleaner ask for more than £10 (£10 being the standard rate) and that was £12.50 through an agency.

It's cheaper to have a nanny for 3 dc than a cm as they charge £4 per hour per child.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/02/2017 18:23

You are paying illegal rates for overnight.

You are exploiting them by only paying £30. They should be at least getting minimum wage!

Atenco · 28/02/2017 18:25

Maybe you should look for an au pair

dinkystinky · 28/02/2017 18:25

PuntCuffin - on the rare occasions I've had a nanny overnight I've paid £50 for the off duty being there overnight (paid normal babysitting rates till 11 then the overnight rate till the morning, back on normal rates from 7). Am in London.

user1484066668 · 28/02/2017 18:26

Also OP, re rates, I'm on £8ph for both nannying and babysitting- but I'm in Glasgow, where living costs are incredibly cheap, and I also set my own wage because that's what I can live on as a single person with no children. Expected wage for most of the country is at least £11ph, and £30 for an overnight is underpaying.

m0therofdragons · 28/02/2017 18:26

Agree re overnight but then dh is on call every third weekend and doesn't get paid just can take lieu time if he has to work. Luckily job has other perks but still. I would expect to pay a nanny a standard hourly rate for overnight- you are paying for an insurance service just incase dc wakes or disaster happens.

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/02/2017 18:29

If you get caught, you will have to pay 200% of the money you owe the nanny in terms of unpaid overnight wages the minimum wage x the hours worked, minus your ridiculous £30), up to a maximum of £20,000 according to the government website. I'm guessing she is probably unaware of her rights, and that's why you're taking the piss out of her? Hopefully she will wise up and get you prosecuted so you can pay her for the work she has done and that you haven't paid her for. The government also has a naming and shaming website for offenders, and hopefully one day you'll find your name on it. Do the decent thing and calculate what you owe her for the overnights and pay it.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 18:29

The point about the overnights has been noted, wasn't aware of the law change.

Obviously neither has the nanny as she hasn't complained or brought it to our attention either!

OP posts:
user1484066668 · 28/02/2017 18:30

It is very, very, very hard to stand up to an employer if you're getting underpaid though.

pigeondujour · 28/02/2017 18:30

To the people that think nannies ought not to get full wage for overnights as it's just sleeping and being on hand for an emergency, would you therefore be happy for them to have partners there or be wandering about the house in the middle of the night?

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/02/2017 18:31

Puntcuffin - the minimum wage. Being on call as a doctor or vet is totally different, as you can go out and about and just go in to work if you get called. You don't have to sit in the clinic waiting. A babysitter is housebound all night. If you were a security guard for example, you get paid minimum wage even though you're just sitting there as an insurance policy. If you can't pay minimum wage, you can't afford to hire someone. Simples.

SarcasmMode · 28/02/2017 18:31

3, 4 and 6 would bother me.

The others are a bit cheeky, but not completely unacceptable.

bigearsthethird · 28/02/2017 18:34

You've been quite vague about each scenario and haven't given any explanation for point 6 so it's hard to give a proper comment. Are you bring purposely vague so everyone agrees with you so you don't feel so bad firing her?

Just find it odd you've given so little information

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/02/2017 18:34

No, marathonman, as I'm guessing you have picked someone either very young or new to the UK so you can take the piss out of them. Someone like you isn't exactly going to hire someone savvy. You said you are now aware of the law change - so what are you going to do about it?? Are you going to pay her the money you owe her?? I'm guessing not. I bet you'd be quick to whinge and whine if your own employer didn't pay you the minimum wage.

kissmewherethesundontshine · 28/02/2017 18:37

If she was up all night with your DC due to illness she would then not make work the following day so yes she should be paid hourly rate all night, probably explains why she had DC in bed with her to guarantee some sleep!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/02/2017 18:38

The point about the overnights has been noted, wasn't aware of the law change.

You won't mind paying them the back pay they are owed then will you.

MumW · 28/02/2017 18:43
  1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC
probably if showering whilst DC nap, otherwise ok so long as DC were supervised and she wasn't stripping in front of them
  1. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights
ok, but would definitely have to agree what was and wasn't acceptable.
  1. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time
definite deal breaking offence unless one off emergency.
  1. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight
deal breaker, fall asleep on child's bed or child climbed in with her would be ok. My room would be strictly out of bounds other than for retrieving a runaway DC.
  1. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover
probably ok but would have expected it to be mentioned
  1. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day
not really very professional, would have had words and not expected it to happen again

Overall, I think that the picture painted is rather unprofessional and isn't what I would want from a nanny.

KatyBerry · 28/02/2017 18:52

you are oblivious to the fact that she has a full time job which your hours are in addition to. Yes she is run ragged - she is working 7-7 plus babysitting and overnights and running her own life. She's being taken advantage of on rates by you but it sounds like she's underpaid and overstretched

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/02/2017 18:53

Unless she was exceptional in other ways I would not be happy with 1, though I'd be OK with her showering etc. after work. Turning up in her dressing gown is not on though.

2 I wouldn't care about.

3 other than occasional, unavoidable incidents is totally unacceptable and I issue written warning.

4 is weird if she has a room for herself unless your bed is particularly large. I would expect this to be just something I asked her not to do if it bothered me. If she did it again without good reason after that I'd be quite concerned.

5 I would be quite grateful if she was happy to take them in her work time, but you say D.C. Should have been at school? Which totally changes it and I think that's a matter for a written warning.

  1. if that was a one off I'd have talk with her. If it happened more then written warning.

She sounds too immature, unreliable and irresponsible to have charge of children really. But have you talked to her about any of these things? She may think you are OK with what's going on. You talk about her as a live out au pair, and if she were that I'd find a lot of her actions a bit more acceptable really. So maybe she thinks you're OK with it? If she's got another job too she's probably squeezing this in around it and trying to have a life too.

On the wage side, the overnight is too low. (It doesn't seem reasonable to me that the minimum wage for an on call type sleeping over job should be the same as a minimum wage job stacking shelves in a supermarket overnight, but you've got to stick to the law). £10 net is OK, if it's in line with your area but I wouldn't expect someone stellar for that wage anywhere. Childcare is expensive, but it's a job with a lot of responsibility that requires significant skills if done well. BTW how are you paying her net if she has another, main, job?

Cubtrouble · 28/02/2017 18:55

Ffs she slept in your bed! Rank.

I would have issue with everything expect food. Unless she ate a family sized bag of chocolate. Making sandwich for herself while lunch of dinner for kids fine.

Sleeping in my bed would be reason to get rid of her.

The other stuff as well

Peanutbutterrules · 28/02/2017 18:56

3 and 6 are unacceptable.

If your talking standard Herbal Essence type shampoo then okay. Make-up etc is a no go.

4 would make me bat shit crazy. My bedroom is private - no nanny should sleep there without permission.

PlumsGalore · 28/02/2017 19:00

All of them!

WhyOhWine · 28/02/2017 19:05
  1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC - I wouldn't mind this if talking about school age children and 10 mins or so.
  2. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights. If you mean snacking etc while there, i think that is ok. If she is taking food home, not ok. Toileteries- depends on extent (washing hands obviousy fine!). Again, taking stuff home not ok.
  3. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time. Would not be happy.
  4. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight. I would not paritculalry like this but if done because child was upset and asked her to my bed was the only one big enough, I might decide not to raise as an issue. might also depend on age of child.
  5. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover. i would rather she/he did this than ask for time off, although I would expect nanny to let me know (like i have tolet my work know) and in some circs I might ask if she/he could change the time. I am not sure if it is permissible to ask part time employees to take all medical appointments in their non working hours (they might have another job).
  6. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day. Depends on reason for asking to come home early and whether genuinely ill.
0urKid · 28/02/2017 19:26

Yep I agree with KatyBerry she is stretching herself too thin. She doesn't know how to say no to you and it's having an impact on her work.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/02/2017 19:30

She's being taken advantage of on rates by you but it sounds like she's underpaid and overstretched

^ this