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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the nanny is crossing boundaries?

220 replies

marathonman · 28/02/2017 16:19

Which of these issues that I've had with a school wraparound plus occasional overnights nanny would bother or concern you the most? One primary school aged DC.

  1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC
  2. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights
  3. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time
  4. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight
  5. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover
  6. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day

I would just like reference for what other parents think would be an issue...

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 28/02/2017 17:16

Yep, you're underpaying so you're not going to get quality childcare. I'd get rid, up your rates and get a professional.

You expect a nanny but you're paying babysitter rates.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:17
  1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC - this is wraparound time, so coming in the morning straight from bed (7am) then getting ready while DC watches tv. Same for going out - shower, hair, make up etc
  2. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights - as above, daily use of all toiletries items when getting ready - shampoo, toothpaste etc
  3. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time
  4. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight - no reason, DC happily sleeps in own bed but had gone through the night before as nanny hadn't heard her calling out. Told by DC, not by nanny
  5. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover - could have taken DC to school first and come back
  6. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day
OP posts:
KatyBerry · 28/02/2017 17:21

is she working another job so she has enough money because you pay so little? (1) sounds like that might be the case - but getting herself dressed and ready for work on your dime and in your house on a regular basis? NO WAY! (putting on make up for a night out while at work? no problem).

it's a peanuts / monkeys issue though

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:22

Really surprised by the comments on rates of pay... Essentially she's taking to school and picking up and giving tea before parents get home.

If I called her a live out au pair or babysitter would that make any of the above okay?

OP posts:
drspouse · 28/02/2017 17:23

So the nanny took the DC to her medical appointment instead of to school?

We pay £8.50 for evening babysitting specifically so it's living wage, we'll up it when living wage goes up.

brasty · 28/02/2017 17:24

I think you have a childcare worker rather than a professional nanny. I would look around for someone else.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:25

Its her second job, she has a 32 hour per week other job which happens to be the hours we don't need her. She had that job first.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 28/02/2017 17:26

As an entire package, none of this is on.

But I would be inclined to agree that you are paying quite low. How does that compare with other rates in your area?

wettunwindee · 28/02/2017 17:27
  1. not sure. If DC is old enough to occupy themselves then I don't think I'd have a problem.
  1. depends on your arrangement. re. toothpaste, I don't share with DH (or anyone), but this is my issue.

  1. would piss me off. I'm a stickler for timekeeping.

  2. depends on relationship with DC

  3. if she could have dropped your child off first then she should have. She should also have spoken to you about it first.

  4. would have royally fucked me off.

I know that no one is irreplaceable but I wouldn't be clamouring to sack her if she shows promise or has a good relationship with your children or any other redeeming features to her work or personality. I'd be questioning if I wanted her to keep working for me and if so, what expectations do I need to make clear for this to work.

An important aspect to employing someone in a role like this is that you feel entirely comfortable with them in their role and in your house, whether you're there or not. If you're not happy or comfortable then you need to reassess your situation and decide if this can and should be saved.

I say this having had a full time nanny for the last 6 years.

brasty · 28/02/2017 17:27

I do think you could get someone better, for this money as well. £30 for overnight though is illegal. You have to pay minimum wage for the hours she is there.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:29

It's in line with the local area - she wasn't the cheapest nor was she the most expensive

OP posts:
SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 28/02/2017 17:29

Yikes. She's running herself ragged. Shock

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 28/02/2017 17:30

If I called her a live out au pair or babysitter would that make any of the above okay?

No, but she's not a live out au pair (there is no such thing) or a babysitter. £30 for overnight is insane.

brasty · 28/02/2017 17:32

Readvertise, but pay minimum wage for overnight hours. You are breaking the law.

JustSpeakSense · 28/02/2017 17:34

Regardless of what you are paying her, she should be fired.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:36

I am a bit surprised here - paying £10ph until 7pm, £8ph until midnight and then £30 through to 7am when back on £10ph - she's only doing this one or two nights a month and she's running herself ragged?!

OP posts:
brasty · 28/02/2017 17:37

She is not running herself ragged at all. But she is being illegally underpaid for over nights.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:38

I agree that nanny is not the correct terminology here but I guess as a comparison we could pay an au pair half and have more hours. But in my opinion it still doesn't make what she's doing okay.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 28/02/2017 17:39

You say she has a near full time job as well though?

But regardless, 30 pounds for 7 hours is not right. and its 10 gross, which is what net?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 28/02/2017 17:40

I guess as a comparison we could pay an au pair half and have more hours

An au pair would need their own room in your home to live in, with board and extras provided.

The babysitter is shit, so sack her. But if you want to get someone less shit next time, you'll have to pay them better.

angeldelightedme · 28/02/2017 17:40

1)well you know she has another job, so if she is staying overnight, when do you expect her to get ready for work?
2) yes fine
3) not if a regular thing
4) not unless children are used to sleeping with you in bed
5)ok - you would be whining if she took time off
6)Not Ok if you have proof she definitely went out.

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2017 17:44

How old is this primary school child?

christinarossetti · 28/02/2017 17:44

£30 for midnight to 7am is £4.86 per hour.

That is well below the minimum, let alone, living wage for working in a supermarket, let alone sole charge of a young child.

Her slackness is unacceptable, but I wonder if she feel entitled to take the piss a bit?

eurochick · 28/02/2017 17:47

Food at work is usually part of the deal. I'd be ok with a doctor's appointment if told in advance. The other stuff would tell me I needed a new nanny.

Original poster
marathonman · 28/02/2017 17:49

Obviously she can get ready if she's stayed over, it's the other 18/19 nights per month when she turns up in a dressing gown! Would you turn up to work and spend the first hour getting ready?!

She's 7 Worra

OP posts:
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