to think the nanny is crossing boundaries?

[marathonman]

Which of these issues that I've had with a school wraparound plus occasional overnights nanny would bother or concern you the most? One primary school aged DC.

1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC
2. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights
3. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time
4. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight
5. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover
6. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day

I would just like reference for what other parents think would be an issue...

3 and 6. The rest wouldn't bother me if infrequent.

1. Getting ready/showers only ok if you have agreed before hand and this is 10mins and doesn't impinge on her role.

1. Having food - perfectly ok/toiletries, I would expect to be asked.

1. Turning up late is not acceptable

1. Why was she in your bed? Did you ask? Also, child in bed, only ok if ill/sad

1. Not a big problem, but would have wanted to know in advance

1. Not acceptable at all

I'm also in the 3 and 6 camp. The sharing a bed thing I'd need to understand why she did it, if it was to help the child settle or something and it was a last resort. The rest I would be fine with.

1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC

depends how old your DC is and how long she is in shower/getting ready.

1. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights

I'd have no issues with this

1. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time

If a one off fine. If consistant i'd have a problem with it.

1. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight

Wouldn't have an issue if DC needed her, was ill, missing parents, scared etc

1. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover

Wouldn't have an issue with it.

1. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day

Would have an issue with this, its not on if the sickness was caused by partying. However you need to expand. if she went out to dinner and got food poisoning its different issue. why did she ask you to come home early? Was it a special occasion dinner for her or something?

Its hard to comment really without further info of each scenario.

All of them.

All of them.

Why are you employing this obviously incompetent person?
I don't mean that in an unkind way, I mean do you feel a sense of duty to her? Because at the end of the day you are paying her for a service that she is not providing; adequate care for your child.

All of them.

1, 2 and 5 are fine in my home. I really don't have a problem with that. The others are an absolute NO.

This nanny needs to go. If the nanny stays overnight they need their own room. If the child needs to be comforted they can crawl into the kids bed (if its a single bed) or sit on the rocker with a blanket, if you still have one. Worst case the nanny brings the child back to their bed. They have absolutely no reason to go to your bed. That would upset me.

Next time, when you hire a nanny for this type of role, you need to manage them much more tightly. Lay out expectations upfront and there is less reason to be disappointed.

OP hasn't clarified, so I highly suspect the nanny is working very long hours and paid minimum wage. I can't believe anyone paying the going rate would have not already acted if a nanny was taking the kids late to school.

She dosnt sound committed..

1. Showering/getting ready for work or nights out whilst supervising DC

If it was absolutely unavoidable (i.e. Nanny had rebooked night out, and I'd begged for last minute overtime/babysitting and so there was an overlap) then fine. As a routine matter of course, no way. I'd expect nanny to organise her time better, and also expect that being in the job means just that - doing my job, not doing her stuff.

1. Helping herself to food/toiletries when doing wraparound not overnights

Depends on what you mean. I can't be that faced about food - as long as eg having a portion of what is there for dinner, rather than setting about the smoked salmon/helping herself to obviously luxury or not-available (for that meal) items. Toiletries - what do you mean? Is this relate to the showering in 1?

1. Timekeeping issues - lateness arriving in mornings, not getting DC to school on time

Utterly unacceptable, on both counts.

1. Sleeping with DC in parents bed on overnight

Would depend on how this had arisen, and whether any other bed was actually big/comfortable enough for the co sleeping to happen. Is it the co sleeping, or the parents bed bit that bothers you more? I'd be bothered by the co sleeping, unless dc are ill, because that isn't how mine have been brought up, but then again, all mine have ASD, so if it was a needs-must situation (and no one was going to settle otherwise), then crack on. I'd want reasons why it happened, but would listen with an open mind if I otherwise trusted her judgement.

1. Taking DC for own medical appointment rather than asking for cover

Tricky. What time was medical appointment. Could it not be made for another day/time? Was it urgent or personal? Again, depends on the situation, and age of dc. E.g. Taking a 2 year old along to an appointment for earache is not the same as taking an 8 year old along to a smear.

1. Asking parents to come home early on a babysitting night then going out and calling in sick then next day

First part utterly unacceptable unless nanny is taken I'll (or in my case, dc are unsettle-able (due to ASD), but if she was going out after then that's not the case. Leading to second part, I'd be looking at a warning at the least.

You do need to give more details. If she is using normal toiletries, I wouldn't have a problem - helping herself to expensive perfume I would object to.
I think nannies work long days and you want them to feel comfortable, so I would be okay with feeding her, but would let her know which food I wanted to keep. Again, I wouldn't mind about getting ready whilst minding the dc, depending on her hours.

I would massively object to my kids being late for school because she can't get herself sorted in time - that is a fundamental responsibility of her job. Would also object to her sleeping in my bed with my dc and would expect to be asked if she wanted to take them to a personal appt.
Calling in sick because she is hungover would make me really angry.
You need a nanny to be reliable. This and the lateness for school would result in formal warnings.

Hi - sorry for delay.

Paying £10 an hour gross for minimum of 18 hours per week. She also has another job. Paying £8 an hour for babysitting after core hours and flat rate £30 per overnight.

So no, not cheap labour at all!

Will add further details about each scenarios in a sec....

Are those rates normal for where you live? They seem low to me but I live in London

3 if it happened more than a handful of times with VERY good reasons. 6 - how do you know she's going out? rest I've had no problem with from nanny who has eg been at our house all day and is going out straight from work but thinking about it, she tends to wait until i'm back then dive into the bathroom to change.

Sum total of it is that she's not taking you very seriously and either you give a formal warning or give notice. I don't think that any of it (unless 3 is persistent and you've previously raised it) is sufficient to amoutn to gross misconduct / immediate dismissal

£30 for an overnight is a bargain

If she agreed to babysit, or if this is part of her job then you should not go home early just so she can go out. She does seem to be forgetting that this is her job, shr isn't doing you a favour. Maybe have a chat as a starting point about how no other place of employment would tolerate this.

1 getting ready yes, showering no as she'd be not properly supervising, unless e.g. 8 and 10 yo.
2 OK unless it's expensive toiletries. Soap to wash her hands obviously is fine!

1. is a problem.
2. we have had a babysitter overnight just the once and said she could use our bed but DC didn't particularly want to go in it, but if you've said she should sleep elsewhere this is odd.
3. If she'd asked for cover and couldn't get it, and the appointment wasn't sensitive, this is no different to me taking a DC to my own appointment (assuming not smear, mental health issue etc.). Would prefer she asked first for cover.
4. wouldn't be happy.

We live in a small-ish town in the NW and that's what we pay except for overnight when the only time we've done it it was half the day rate so would be £5/hour.

Bloody hell I'd say that was cheap labour. We pay our teenage evening babysitters £10 per hour!

1 I would let it go as a one off
2 Not a dealbreaker but I wouls have a word
3 She would get a warning
4 That would be going against my instructions, dealbreaker
5 Fine as long as she asks before
6 Dealbreaker

Paying £10 an hour gross for minimum of 18 hours per week. She also has another job. Paying £8 an hour for babysitting after core hours and flat rate £30 per overnight.

So no, not cheap labour at all!

WTF! £30 overnight is criminally low. £8 and £10/hour gross is very very low in a hcild care nanny context.

Pay peanuts get monkeys...

3 and 6 are the worst for me. Why would you bother having a nanny who cannot turn up on time and cannot get your child to school on time. Isnt that the whole point?

If it started with the odd one in the list of 6 and it has built up, it is time to let her go.

UK 'living wage' is £8.45.

You are offering part time hours (unattractive) at quite poor rates.