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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to shave anymore

223 replies

Grindelwaldswand · 21/02/2017 23:08

So recently I decided i couldn't be bothered with give myself a full Brazilian every few days so I stopped shaving apart from my legs and armpits but DP is driving me mental with his insistence that it's wrong and gross and he doesn't want/won't have sex with me till i shave it Angry i know Im not been unreasonable but he's driving me mental !! Its my bloody body not his

OP posts:
Surreyblah · 22/02/2017 12:24

It's not "personal preference", else more women in previous generations would've had that preference too. It's cultural pressure, due largely to porn.

Rixera · 22/02/2017 12:31

Does it really matter where it originated as long as everyone's happy?
I like how my skin feels when I shave. It's nice. I don't care what issues made me do it in the first place, I like it now and that's enough for me to keep on.
Not to mention I frequently wear white or pastel coloured tights... Leave it too long and the black hairs poking through mess up my colour coordination Smile

DianaMemorialJam · 22/02/2017 12:32

I love my bush.

Rand0mer · 22/02/2017 12:45

I agree it is cultural pressure, but every time there is a shaving thread I think people ignore the fact that the same cultural pressure also extends to men who now tend to have waxed / shaved chests and backs. When was the last time you saw a mammoth on the beach (aged under 30)?
If you are dark and reasonably hairy like DH, the job of defuzxing your chest and back would be psrticularly time consuming and tricky. Personally, I think it looks ridiculous to have a clean chest and then face / neck stubble, hairy legs and arms, but clearly millions don't.
As men have become more hairless, women have felt the need to go one step further with the fashion, as tends to be the way withmist things in life.
The problem is (and I speak from my experience) is that once you start doing something it very quickly becomes "normal" for you. How many women really feel comfortable not shaving under their arms? When is female underarm hair ever visible in society? It's all part if the same sliding scale.

littlefrog3 · 22/02/2017 12:45

It's not "personal preference", else more women in previous generations would've had that preference too. It's cultural pressure, due largely to porn.

Absolute nonsense.

For the love of all that is holy, what century are some of the women on here living in?

Women only do it because of 'cultural pressure!' Utter tripe.

Slightly worried that so many people think young women developed their preference for having no pubic hair in a complete vacuum. They just like it that way. Yes, of course. Nothing at all to do with wider societal expectations.

Congratulations! You are one of the few people in the world who are able to make decisions in a complete vacuum. You are not influenced by anyone else or by societal pressures and expectations. Maybe you could share your secret.

^
re these sarcastic comments by bertrand and popcorn, I have no 'secret;' I just do what I want, and dress how I want, and am not pressurised by anyone in my life, (nor by society) to do - or not do - anything.

I feel sorry for you, if you are not able to believe that. I would hate to be like that. Most women I know are the same as me. Clearly you move in different circles, and don't have people around you who can accept you for how you want to be, and you let them control you.

That is what your posts are telling me anyway.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 12:48

"Does it really matter where it originated as long as everyone's happy?"

Well, I suppose not. Unless you care that men's expectations of women are being increasingly influenced by the porn industry. And that young people are increasingly being expected to live up to what they can see two clicks away on their phones, and girls are made increasingly insecure and unhappy about their bodies because women use words like "dirty, disgusting, smelly" and "unhygienic" about perfectly normal adult genitalia.

Rixera · 22/02/2017 12:53

I don't think women are increasingly unhappy with their bodies, though.
I think all humans have been insecure about perceived flaws, and women in particular are getting gradually more confident in some ways. Have you seen the latest trends for dying armpit hair? You'd be surprised how common it is in my generation.
I'm aged 22, and most girls my age actually don't shave, though most style (shapes, colours, or wild).
Do you really think it's all down to attracting men?
What about the lesbians?
Or all to do with attracting partners?
If so, what do you propose- we just all stop to prove its not done to attract, even if we'd like it to look different? And what about clothes? Should we dress poorly to prove we aren't dressing nicely to attract?

Datun · 22/02/2017 13:06

Whether it becomes a preference or not, it is driven by culture, fashion and expectations.

In the 60s and 70s everyone plucked their eyebrows to oblivion. It was only old ladies who had bushy eyebrows. Then in the late 80s and 90s thicker, wilder brows became popular. And all those poor people who had plucked them out of existence had to pencil them in.

Now the natural eyebrows look has fallen out of fashion again. Youngsters are heavily pencilling them in.

'Personal preference' for eyebrow shape would mean the none of these fashions were ever followed.

People are perfectly willing to accept that eyebrow shape is culture driven, but not pubic hair.

But that's only because pubic hair culture/fashion is prevalent in pornography. No-one can see your bush whatever you have you done to it. The only time people see these things is in porn. That's the only way it is apparent.

Pornography used to be full of women with pubic hair - the bushier the better. Then the Brazilian came in, and everyone followed suit. Then full shaven came in and everyone followed suit, then 'a little' came in and everyone followed suit.

I don't mind either way. And in terms of whether it's a man's expectation or a woman's preference, you could say the same about high heels, lipstick and heated rollers.

It's the same for hairy man. Hairy chests used to be a sign of masculinity. Now it's a sign of 'poor grooming'.

Culture drives all of it.

LadyPenelope68 · 22/02/2017 13:09

If he doesn't want sex because of it then tough! Your body, your choice!!

Datun · 22/02/2017 13:11

And that's the problem with the OP's partner. It is HIS expectation that is the issue. Not her personal preference. He wants her to conform to what his expectation of a woman should be.

And that's why this is a problem. Where do we draw the line between what WE truly like and what is expected of us because we are women.

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2017 13:28

I wish I was as free thinking as you little frog, and all the other women who have chosen to shave/wax their pubes just like their friends have, because I love the sound of dyeing my armpit hair like rixera says. I really, really do.
Unfortunately I am not that free thinking and currently feel obliged to shave legs and pits if they will be very visible.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 13:37

What I wish is that people would be open about it being about sex/porn/because it feels good. It's all the rationalisation that's going to make other women feel insecure. So say it's about sex and be proud. Don't shame other women by saying that pubic hair is smelly and disgusting and unhygienic. That ends up with women panicking about "what will the midwife think" and delaying smear tests because they haven't been able to book a wax. And yes, both of those topics appear with reasonable frequency on here.

Datun · 22/02/2017 13:39

Is dying armpit hair really a thing now?

HelenaDove · 22/02/2017 13:43

" CaraAspen Wed 22-Feb-17 09:58:35
If you like having body hair, why do you get upset when other women give their perfectly acceptable reasons for not having it? It is so defensive."

Rubbish Cara What i and others who dont shave our pubic hair dont like is being called dirty and unhygenic by women who do.

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2017 13:45

Datun I really really hope so. It needs to be mainstream! Please please...

ToastDemon · 22/02/2017 13:47

I shave my legs and underarms due to worry about societal reaction. Luckily it's winter so underarms don't need to be done. I do lower legs as my gymwear is 3/4 length.
Pubes I sometimes trim as it's more sensitive for sex.
It's a total nonsense that it's cleaner to remove body hair, although I accept that some people feel cleaner with hair removed. They just shouldn't present it like some sort of objective fact.
I've tried shaving my pubes off a couple of times. I fail to see what was remotely sexy or hygienic about the resulting spotty, stubbly rash.

itsbetterthanabox · 22/02/2017 13:59

This is hilarious.
We all live in a vaccum don't you know?
I know it's easier to pretend you think things up all on your lonesome but we are ALL a product of the society we live in.
Otherwise adverts wouldn't work.
Can anyone tell me why no one shaved their pubes off 40 years ago?

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 14:01

"OMG- your armpit hair matches the hair on your head-how utterly disgusting! I'm not having sex with you until you dye it purple like a decent woman"

Rixera · 22/02/2017 14:08

It definitely is a thing! Google it, there are how-to's available :)

Datun · 22/02/2017 14:13

picklemepopcorn

Whilst I love the idea of women celebrating their biology, I can't help thinking it's yet another faff!

It's so out there - where on earth has it come from? (FGS don't say porn!).

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2017 14:24

I know datun, but I'm hoping that if dyed pits become the norm for well groomed people, then I can get away with simply being hairy. It's all relative, I don't need to compete with the well groomed...I just need the expectation to shift a bit so I can roll into the world the way God made me. But with clothes on. I wear specs, nudists don't suit specs.

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2017 14:25

Love it Bert.

Datun · 22/02/2017 14:41

Well I'm going to dye my armpit hair dark brown, to...er...match my dark brown hair. And in the next few years, I will probably change my mind and dye it grey!

Cottongusset · 22/02/2017 14:47

Why don't you suggest that he pays for both of you to go and get your pubes lasered. It's expensive and hurts like feck. Get him to go first and then back out.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 22/02/2017 14:52

This is going to go down like a lead balloon I'm sure but... He's telling you he doesn't fancy you with it. Although I love him I wouldn't fancy my partner with a big bushy beard or nose hair or if he piled on 15 stone. I don't think that's being unreasonable- people can't help what they find attractive. I'm willing to bet that most people saying this is outrageous don't think twice about shaving their underarms or legs if they think other people will see them. This is just an extension of that. Despite what a load of women on mumsnet tell you your partner does not find it nice. It's up to you whether the bush or your partner finding you attractive is more important.

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