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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shave anymore

223 replies

Grindelwaldswand · 21/02/2017 23:08

So recently I decided i couldn't be bothered with give myself a full Brazilian every few days so I stopped shaving apart from my legs and armpits but DP is driving me mental with his insistence that it's wrong and gross and he doesn't want/won't have sex with me till i shave it Angry i know Im not been unreasonable but he's driving me mental !! Its my bloody body not his

OP posts:
Surreyblah · 22/02/2017 08:50

Pornification. Yuck.

alltouchedout · 22/02/2017 09:02

I'm not a feminist or a Prima donna but your underarms is a basic hygiene issue

Huh?
Not washing is a basic hygiene issue. Preferring not to remove your natural body hair is not.
(Don't think you needed to point out that you're not a feminist BTW).

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 09:06

I hate the fact that my daughter is growing up in a world where women still have to modify their bodies to be acceptable. In fact it seems to me to be significantly worse than it was.

Purplebluebird · 22/02/2017 09:07

Personally I like it gone, but use hair removal cream instead (so it doesn't itch). However! A partner is not in place to decide what you do with your own personal bits! If you don't want to shave, that's for you to decide!

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 09:09

And I find it deeply ironic that when I was a young woman, feminists campaigned successfully against the compulsory shaving of pregnant women's pubic hair on admission to the labour ward.

And now we get pregnant women coming on to Mumsnet stressing about the fact that they have not been able to wax and worrying about what the midwife will think of them.

TheCatsMother99 · 22/02/2017 09:11

I wish there was less of the shaming of women who do like to wax or shave their hair off or partly off. Semi amusing their partners of liking the look of a child is not on because it's not really correct or fair, is it?

It's, again, a personal preference for the woman. Most of us do what we do with our hair for ourselves, ok so we might take in to account our partners preference but ultimately it's our choice.

BartholinsSister · 22/02/2017 09:16

There is plenty of female pubic hair in porn nowadays, he should watch and learn.

DeadOfJericho · 22/02/2017 09:17

I read online it's healthier not to shave your vagina

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 09:29

"I wish there was less of the shaming of women who do like to wax or shave their hair off or partly off"
Grin You really think it's that way round? You obviously haven't read many pubic hair threads. Dirty, disgusting.lazy.smelly unhygenic......that's what us pubic hair wearers are!

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 09:30

"There is plenty of female pubic hair in porn nowadays"

Really? And not in a "fat hairy granny" way? (My experience is limited)

hollinhurst84 · 22/02/2017 09:41

Bert - yes. I can think of a v popular female that has a full bush, never shaves. She's maybe late twenties, size 10 and mainstream

CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 09:51

Arm pits? Bleurgh. Underarms is a much nicer term.

BartholinsSister · 22/02/2017 09:53

Bert I'm wondering now if the explosion in obesity amongst our elderly is driven by porn too. Possibly their hairiness too.

CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 09:58

If you like having body hair, why do you get upset when other women give their perfectly acceptable reasons for not having it? It is so defensive.

Datun · 22/02/2017 10:00

It's definitely a generational thing.

When I was in my 20s, the only reason to shave your bush was because you were forced to in the maternity ward.

Its got nothing to do with hygiene. It may well be a personal preference for some, but that is a preference born from fashion.

No one would have dreamed of shaving off their pubic hair when I was in my 20s because it would've been considered weird.

It's not considered weird anymore, but that is because porn has driven a different expectation.

I'm not saying women shave their pubic hair because they see it in porn, but that is what started the fashion that they now adhere to.

Likewise, people that get irritated when posters liken it to prepubescence. That is how it started (in porn) but that's not why people do it now.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 10:01

But they are not perfectly acceptable reasons. They are reasons practically guaranteed to make young women insecure about their bodies and feel that they need to modify them to make them OK.

littlefrog3 · 22/02/2017 11:53

Bertrand
I hate the fact that my daughter is growing up in a world where women still have to modify their bodies to be acceptable. In fact it seems to me to be significantly worse than it was.

This is so utterly not true. many women - myself included - like to have a neat, trimmed bush because we like how it feels, and how it looks. Mine (70% shaven) is like that because I like it like that; it's fuck-all to do with anyone else. DH has never asked me to shave it, indeed I never even did until 10 years after we first got together. The fact he loves it is a bonus! But I do it for ME. Why do some women assume that women do things for their men, and are probably secretly against it?

It's like I lost 30 pounds during 2016, and everyone was assuming I was doing it for DH, so he would 'fancy me more,' or be more proud of me. Dh fancies me and is proud of me at 13 stone, or 11 stone. And always has been. Like he fancies me with or without pubes! As I said, I do it for ME, and am certainly not modifying myself for anyone.

I know several (young) women 25-35 who say they shave their bush off or trim it to around 50%, because THEY like it like that. And a couple of them said they neaten their bush because it's vile when they're on their period. I won't go into it why, but you can probably imagine.

CaraAspen*
If you like having body hair, why do you get upset when other women give their perfectly acceptable reasons for not having it? It is so defensive.

I agree. Some of the comments I have read from people attacking women who shave their bush are quite disturbing and nasty. As I said, some women shave their pubes because THEY want to, and not for the benefit of any man!

I also know a number of young women who dress in heels and wear their hair long because THEY like it, and not for anyone else. Why is it almost always assumed that women look nice and do things for their man?! Bet these are the same people who, if a couple have a joint car, say to the man 'oh you let her drive the car did you?' I have had this said to me when me and DH bought a car together (as we don't need two.) Some silly cow - a WOMAN - said 'I see he has let you drive the car!' I said 'why would I NOT drive it? It's my car too!' Cue her saying fuck-all. Silly bint,

catmother99
I wish there was less of the shaming of women who do like to wax or shave their hair off or partly off. Semi amusing their partners of liking the look of a child is not on because it's not really correct or fair, is it?

Oh FFS! What kind of mind does someone have to think this?! Angry

Nobody is SHAMED into anything. Some women do it because THEY like it you know. This is 2017. Women are allowed to do what they like without asking men now you know!

BartholinsSister · 22/02/2017 11:55

Marilyn Monroe famously claimed to be hairless from the neck down, back in the 1950s. It's not new.

BaDumShh · 22/02/2017 12:01

Crisp,
That sounds terrible, I hope your ok now.
I don't know if it's the same but when I was in my twenties, I regularly shaved down there and I got a ingrowing hair that got infected as I was trying to get it out.
I had to have antibiotics as it turned into a infected cyst .
Really nasty .

Exact same thing happened to me recently! I was so ill.

BaDumShh · 22/02/2017 12:01

Bold fail!

StarlingMurderation · 22/02/2017 12:04

God, in winter my leg hair is about 2 cms long at times, let alone everything else. DP sometimes risks a comment, but I just tell him to bugger off and shave his own legs if he's so horrified by body hair.

picklemepopcorn · 22/02/2017 12:18

Slightly worried that so many people think young women developed their preference for having no pubic hair in a complete vacuum. They just like it that way. Yes, of course. Nothing at all to do with wider societal expectations.

JeSouhaite · 22/02/2017 12:21

I've been cultivating quite the luscious mane on each leg recently, maybe you should do the same op and see what he has to say about that! My dh has never commented negatively and doesn't care. I'll shave it when I feel like it., like he does with his face.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2017 12:21

"Mine (70% shaven) is like that because I like it like that; it's fuck-all to do with anyone else."

Congratulations! You are one of the few people in the world who are able to make decisions in a complete vacuum. You are not influenced by anyone else or by societal pressures and expectations. Maybe you could share your secret.

Pineappletastic · 22/02/2017 12:23

I do my armpits in a 'once you start you can't stop' kind of way, I find it easier to do a few swipes with the razor every couple of days than put up with the itchy regrowth.I do my legs in summer cos it feels nicer in skirts imo. Though I'm very fair so maybe I'd be more bothered about legs if my hair was more obvious. I don't know. I trim the bush so it doesn't escape my knickers (I have to use communal changing rooms at work and generally don't want my workmates seeing my pubes. I did shave it a couple of times in my teens, the itching was unbearable.

I've never had a partner comment on my grooming in a negative way, it would probably be a deal breaker for me. Equally I wouldn't comment on theirs. Your partner IBU, 'withholding sex' in some sort of power play to make you modify your body sounds spectacularly controlling to me.

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