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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to shave anymore

223 replies

Grindelwaldswand · 21/02/2017 23:08

So recently I decided i couldn't be bothered with give myself a full Brazilian every few days so I stopped shaving apart from my legs and armpits but DP is driving me mental with his insistence that it's wrong and gross and he doesn't want/won't have sex with me till i shave it Angry i know Im not been unreasonable but he's driving me mental !! Its my bloody body not his

OP posts:
Grindelwaldswand · 22/02/2017 00:42

How is having hair a hygiene issue ? Hmm so long as you wash it daily and use deodorant etc your fine. And no I don't want to shave or wax or do anything to it anymore ive reached an age where I'd rather leave it be. Ive been shaving and plucking and waxing it since the day it appeared and ive had enough Wine

OP posts:
Shellym13 · 22/02/2017 00:47

Maybe it's because I work out a lot but if I leave it a couple of days and I get regrowth it seems to be so much worse than when I've shaved for harbouring sweat and the smell. Personal experience only. Not as much sweat either. As I say each to Your Own but I've always been hair free and like it that way, of it works for you then great. It's total personal preference.

Bambambini · 22/02/2017 00:47

"He's bu about it.
But personally I can't handle not shaving. I shave it daily in the shower"

Maybe if you didn't shave it every day you wouldn't get the itch.

avamiah · 22/02/2017 00:53

Yes, it's personal preference .

HelenaDove · 22/02/2017 01:02

Shelly how the fuck is armpit hair a hygeine issue. If it was over 90% of men would be shaving their pits

What bollocks.

Im 43 and ive never shaved or trimmed down below. I get my armpits and legs waxed WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO. i dont like shaving so dont do it.

4 years ago on my 40th birthday i suddenly noticed id sprouted hairs on my chin Im dark haired so they make me very self concious so my face gets waxed a bit more regularly. I cant cover my face with tights or trousers or a long sleeved jumper/top.

The expense is part of the problem for women as well as the misogynistic expectations.

DH doesnt give a shit because hes not a shallow fucker. He never said a word when i was ten stone heavier either.

Shellym13 · 22/02/2017 01:08

As I said it's personal preference, I like to be hair free. I Smell if I don't shave, great if you don't.

avamiah · 22/02/2017 01:21

Helena,
Have you tried threading your face?
It's a bit painful at first but it gets the hair by the root and takes a long time to grow back.
And your face feels very smooth.

JungleInTheRumble · 22/02/2017 01:24

I notice more of a smell if I don't wax down below but I live in the tropics so sweat a lot - I didn't notice a difference living in the UK.

Shaving is such a drag plus it irritates my skin and I don't bother with it. I'll wax my legs at home when the hair gets really long (although I never do a very good job of it) and pay to get underarms and Brazilian once a month. If my bf started going on about body hair I'd offer to wax his underarms/legs for him Grin

HelenaDove · 22/02/2017 01:29

avamiah a couple of people suggested that to me last week. Im going to look into it.

I know as my skin gets older the wax will pull on it more.

Bloody hormones.

avamiah · 22/02/2017 01:36

I'm 44 and have been threading my face for years.
As long as you go to a reputable salon you can't go wrong.
It's cheaper than waxing and no after effects .

littlefrog3 · 22/02/2017 01:36

I'm going to go against the grain here, like a small number of others on the thread.

First of all, it really boils my piss when people say 'why does your husband want you to look like a 10 year old girl?' JUST because he likes the pubic area shaven (not necessarily bald but trimmed/neat.) So, many men prefer it like this, so what? I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to prefer it shaven neatly, instead of a massive bush of frizzy pubes. If the woman only has an average bush (or a sparse one,) then fair enough, but is anyone actually shocked that a man would prefer a neat bush over an overgrown one? Especially if that's how he has always known it on you!

I mean, if the OP has always had it trimmed/shaved (since he met her,) and she is suddenly letting it grow wild, I think it's quite understandable that he is pissy about it. As someone said earlier, many women would be pissy if their men grew beards and refused to shave.

I know a woman who has been with her DH for 23 years (married 20,) and he has had a beard for 2 years. She likes the look of it, but hates the feel, and point blank refuses to kiss him (pecks yes, but not proper passionate ones.) Nor will she let him 'go down' on her. Weird, but she says that's how it is as long as he keeps that beard. Not sure how things are going to go long term if he keeps it indefinitely!

I also can't fathom why the OP won't shave her bush, but shaves everywhere else. Could you not just trim/neaten it OP? Still, it does seem odd that your man is point blank refusing sex; I can understand him refusing to go down on you, but refusing sex at all is weird. He does sound a bit bratty. I mean, he is entitled to feel a bit miffed, but to refuse sex altogether? Weird.

Women can say they don't want their man to have a beard/don't wanna kiss him/don't want him to go down on them if he has got a beard etc, and other women will defend her and say what a selfish bastard he is to grow a beard when he knows she hates them. Yet when it's a man who dislikes a woman's big bush, people tell the woman to leave him! I am always amazed at how quickly people on here tell women to leave their partners/husbands at the drop of a hat, without even trying to resolve anything!

Re shaving your bush, I prefer mine shaved down to very little; it feels better, it feels cleaner, it feels sexier, and DH loves it. Whether the full bush is more normal or healthy or not, I know how I prefer mine. As I said, it doesn't have to be 'bald,' just maybe 50-60% shaven, and 'neatened.'

HelenaDove · 22/02/2017 01:50

Thanks avamiah Will definately check that out. It hadnt even occured to me until recently. I just had my face waxed last week so can find out more from local salon before it next needs doing.

HelenaDove · 22/02/2017 01:52

My DH has a beard. His body His choice.

Grindelwaldswand · 22/02/2017 01:54

I agree littlefrog they must go through boyfriend's and husband's one every month if they leave them as much as they say they do/suggestGrin im not against trimming it once it actually gets bushy enough and i plan of trimming the edges anyway so I don't get stray clumps of hair coming out of my knickers Wink

OP posts:
Redken24 · 22/02/2017 02:03

Just get the clippers out - I had to do this once and was surprised at how close it got haha

PerspicaciaTick · 22/02/2017 02:16

How come women's underarm hair is a hygiene issue but men's underarm hair isn't? Fine, shave or not, its down to personal preference but don't then take a not so subtle dig that women making different choices are unhygienic, bacteria-ridden health hazards.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/02/2017 05:11

How come women's underarm hair is a hygiene issue but men's underarm hair isn't? Because for some reason we're dirty, repulsive and unhygienic.

little has actually got to the nub of things. "big... overgrown... massive... frizzy..." Interesting, the language. We should all be neat and small and polite. Don't take up space, don't choose how you want your own body to look or feel.

As long as you shower/bathe, deodorize and change your clothes, you're fine.

Minibro · 22/02/2017 05:23

I don't know what he's complaining about tbh. A Brazilians much hotter than going full Grant Mitchell down there.

SabineUndine · 22/02/2017 05:33

There seem to be a few people here not comfortable in their own bodies I mean, shave whatever you want but it's not unfeminine or unhygienic not to.

And what's this word 'underarms'?

They're pits.

Minibro · 22/02/2017 05:33

Or Oxters.

LakieLady · 22/02/2017 06:59

I'm firmly in the "tell him to fuck off" camp. Your body, your choice.

If anyone had told me back in the 1970s that nearly 50 years on, we'd still be having debates about women conforming to male preferences for female body hair, I probably would have blown a gasket.

{shakes head in despair}

echt · 22/02/2017 07:11

I'm not a feminist or a Prima donna but your underarms is a basic hygiene issue

Apart from the first part of your sentence not making any sense because of the "but", do you require the man/men in your life to shave their armpits?

user1471545174 · 22/02/2017 07:18

This all came out of porn, relatively recently, and women just went along with it.

Joins LakieLady in shaking head.

FriendofBill · 22/02/2017 08:36

Women are being infantilised and children are being sexualised.

Trills · 22/02/2017 08:46

Stopped shaving "apart from legs and armpits"?

So still shaving quite a lot then. Did you not know how to say "lady parts" in your title?

I've not shaved or plucked or waxed anything since the end of 2016 - I'm growing it all out to see if I really do "prefer" removing my hair or if it's just a habit and I haven't really tried the alternative.