I don't want an all expenses paid trip to Paris.

[user1484226561]

My friend, who has very few friends other than me, and is epileptic wants me to go to Paris with her to look after her on the journey. She has two meetings she has to attend with french relatives and solicitors, about a probate, and she is worried about being bullied and wants not only a travelling companion but an advocate with her in the meetings.

the meetings are two days apart during the Easter holidays.

She is offering me free flights, free hotel, and free choice of what we do on the day in between. She is very upset that I have said I'm busy, and hs no one else to ask.

I don't want to go.
I don't want to waste my holiday time on this.
I don't want to change my other arrangements and commitments
I don't speak or understand French and the meetings will be in French
I don't think I can afford the "extra's" that are going to come up, restaurants, taxi fairs, etc.
And I don't want to go.

and I need to make a definite decision and I'm wobbling towards, well it would be a kind and helpful thing to do, and some of it might be fun.

But I'm wishing she hadn't asked me.

How does she expect you to help in the meetings, if they're in French?

There's no obligation on you to go and if you feel that strongly about it then you probably shouldn't and your friend should take someone else who would appreciate it.

You're going to be of limited help though if you don't speak French!

Does she have to intend in person? Can she not arrange the meetings to take place via Skype and spend the money she would have spent on travelling expenses to engage an intepreter to sit in on her at this end?

With her, not on her. That would be both uncomfortable and overly familiar

It's not about having an all expenses paid trip to Paris, it's about being there to support a friend.

If you don't want to go then don't go - i'd hate to think that someone i was hoping was supporting me was inwardly massively resenting it.

But god forbid you're ever in a situation where you need help.

FFS, attend.

Is it the meetings that are an issue, or the travelling, as well?

She could hire someone over there to go with her, who is bilingual.

Unless I was really short on holiday/time off, I'd do it for a friend, but would tell her that I need a set budget.

Well if you can't speak French then surely it's a little pointless anyway. It's not all expenses paid either, if you have to pay expenses.

If she's a good friend you should do it. If not you and her ain't going to be good friends anymore.

You sound very resentful that she's even bothered to ask you.

I'll be her friend instead then.

Wow. What a lovely friend you are

You should just be a nice friend and go, she clearly needs your help. Don't be rotten about it.

If it was a god friend and she was asking for help I would go. We all need support sometimes don't we, and one day it might be me in need on help.

I would for a good friend. Which bit are you struggling with most

Don't go. You clearly dont want to. Your under no obligation. She has no right to be annoyed your time is your own to do as you please.

Do you have dc and you don't want to use up precious holiday time??

Do you think she'd help you if the tables were turned? I agree with others - if she's a good friend do it as a favour - it might even be fun. If you're not that bothered then gently explain that you can't but be ready to accept that it might mean your friendships distances in the future.

I don't think you should have to go if you really don't want to. I'd suggest that she instructs French lawyers to accompany her to the meeting and represent her; they'd probably be far more use than you. I'm also wondering why she needs to have a face to face meeting anyway. Why can't the french lawyers and relatives post / email / fax documents to her in the UK for consideration or signature? Once she has her own French lawyers acting on her behalf she'll probably find it far easier to find someone who's happy to accompany her in return for a free break in Paris.

I'm glad you're not my 'friend' 🙄

Well you won't be an effective advocate in the legal meetings if you don't speak the language, she'd be be better off hiring an interpreter. Also it doesn't sound like you are that close because you are focusing on the 'all expenses paid trip' part of it rather than the fact that a friend needs your help and you see spending time with her as a waste of your holiday time. So don't go because she will probably pick up on your resentment and it will be awkward for everyone.

YANBU - you are essentially going as her assistant rather than her friend, and you are being "paid" in the free flights and hotel. You have the right to politely turn it down if you don't want to do it and can't afford the extra stuff and it's not really fair of her to make you feel guilty if you have said you have other plans. She would be better off finding someone who speaks French and wants to go - she has plenty of time, but won't if you keep having to spend that time making "final decisions" because she is upset you can't go.

If you do decide you want to go I would be honest about the fact that you will find it difficult to afford meals out etc so that she is clear about that.

Your friend is not epileptic.

Your friend has epilepsy.

Please remember this in future. Thank you.