I don't want an all expenses paid trip to Paris.

[user1484226561]

My friend, who has very few friends other than me, and is epileptic wants me to go to Paris with her to look after her on the journey. She has two meetings she has to attend with french relatives and solicitors, about a probate, and she is worried about being bullied and wants not only a travelling companion but an advocate with her in the meetings.

the meetings are two days apart during the Easter holidays.

She is offering me free flights, free hotel, and free choice of what we do on the day in between. She is very upset that I have said I'm busy, and hs no one else to ask.

I don't want to go.
I don't want to waste my holiday time on this.
I don't want to change my other arrangements and commitments
I don't speak or understand French and the meetings will be in French
I don't think I can afford the "extra's" that are going to come up, restaurants, taxi fairs, etc.
And I don't want to go.

and I need to make a definite decision and I'm wobbling towards, well it would be a kind and helpful thing to do, and some of it might be fun.

But I'm wishing she hadn't asked me.

Pirate - yes. I'd classify the person I described as an acquaintance. I presume she asked me to go to Hollywood because closer friends had made excuses. Though I think it's quite possible to love someone and feel genuine affection for them while finding certain aspects of their personality exasperating. No one is perfect. It's not a character assassination to notice that someone has bullying tendencies but to still see the good side of them - the wit, the hard work, the vivacity, the creativity etc.

People's opinions on what constitutes "not a great deal of inconvenience" seem to vary wildly from mine. I would say that this trip sounds like a great deal of inconvenience indeed.

Also are geordiedench and I the only people that have grades of friends? I have my true circle of a couple of people who I'd genuinely do anything for, but that doesn't mean that I can't have friends over and above that surely. It also doesn't mean that one can't notice imperfections in ones friends as well?

OP hasn't said how close the friendship is or how long they've been friends or if she has I have missed it. Does this mean that she/I have an obligation to provide this level of "friendship" to everyone she considers a friend?

I agree with adarajames - OP has already got demands on her time that provide an essential service of respite to carers.

Quite shocked at this thread actually. Particularly whoever it was that said "Don't be so selfish." Fuck off!

Jesus Christ almighty if OP doesn't have autonomy, preferences, likes, dislikes and her own agenda eh? How selfish of her not to be at her friend with epilepsy's disposal at any time, for as long as she decrees and in whatever capacity she needs. Anyone would think OP had her own life and limited free time herself! No OP you have been asked for to put yourself out and therefore you must do so. No matter how big the ask.
Not that anyone here would be told how to spend their holidays of course...but that's ok, it's your holiday time being compromised not theirs, so that makes you a right cunt.

Or some bullshit. God knows what goes through people's heads here.

I truly don't understand some of the reactiona. If a friend asked me to care for her and take time off to come to her job for two days around the corner because she is afraid to have a meeting alone I wouldn't do it. I feel that a lot of people react differently because it's in Paris

I think one of the reasons why I'd be inclined to think again about this is that the friend "got very upset" when OP originally had second thoughts about this...

That would irritate me somewhat as this trip is a "favour", it's not like it's a short break somewhere lovely doing sightseeing and nothing else!

I'd hate to think that my friend could in effect guilt trip me into going on this trip by being "very upset" if I was considering I may not be able to accompany her.

It's a tricky one though superflyhigh. Friend may have got really upset, because she was in fact really upset and worried about the forthcoming trip, rather than trying to guilt trip OP. It may have taken her a lot of courage to ask, and then when she didn't get a favourable reaction, it was too much for her.

I'm not advocating OP should go though. Friend should be aware of OP's circumstances. Not ideal to ask a busy working parent who also fosters during the school holidays to be her companion. Sounds like friend didn't have any/many other options she felt she could ask.

I would tell her you can't go and suggest she finds a better friend to go with her

rookie it's sort of the friend's look out if she doesn't have any other close friends she feels able to ask.

Another option but maybe not feasible and probably has been thought of, why can't friend's family come to UK, get friend then accompany her to Paris? damn that would not work as friend needs companion etc

No I see that rookie it probably did take a lot of courage for friend to ask etc... However we don't completely know the dynamics of the friendship.

For what it's worth, me personally would suck this up and do this as a one time favour but make it clear that a similar trip wouldn't be done again. I would also stipulate that it was more a "carer" friendship, that I was worried about the extra costs and would expect these to be covered by the friend. The extra costs are then "payment" for what is essentially a carer/companion role for this trip albeit in a "friend" guise. If the friend is a reasonable person she will not mind about this.

YANBU, your friend is effectively emotionally blackmailing you! You have your own life, presumably limited annual leave, and you don't speak French! It's fine to say no, she'll have to hire a companion while she's there.

AHedgehog OP is a teacher but this trip is in her school holidays, she just doesn't really want to spend them in Paris on this trip!

Hiring a companion would be very expensive. I think the friend should see about English speaking lawyers in Paris accompanying her if OP still doesn't want to go.

Op, I don't understand why you're being given such a hard time - if you don't want to go, then don't go, especially given your commitment to providing respite care. You don't need to defend yourself or justify anything, it is a big ask & she should realise that.

OP - what have you decided to do?