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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have snapped at 'date'?

343 replies

Karceys · 16/02/2017 10:15

So 3rd date on Tuesday.

First date was fine. Second date there was a couple of niggles but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Third date - Tuesday I snapped at him and not sure whether I should feel guilty or not!

First thing was we were in the cinema and after sorting tickets out I told him I was popping across to the snacks counter as I fancied popcorn and a coke. He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled. 😳 So I said "umm no, I want both, sorry!" And went off to but what I wanted but I was livid. How patronising!! He then came across and said "I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!" So I said "yes but I can afford it. It's not like I do it every night is it!" So he said "well i wouldn't spend so much on sweets, you have to think of your health too ... " 😲😲😲 I replied that my health was fine and I don't need monitoring thanks - he apologised and said he meant nothing by it so I said "well you're coming across a little rude and bossy." He apologised again and I told him it was fine and we went on to see the film.

Afterwards we went for a drink. During chat I mentioned that I love Whitby so he said "well, play your cards right and I might take you there in summer!". By this point I was already on a hair trigger so (and this is where I feel a bit guilty!) I laughed and said "I don't need to play my cards right with anyone! If I want to go somewhere I'll go!". He then made a "oooo!" And laughed.

I then told him that he'd come across as being rather controlling and bossy all evening and if he was looking for someone who would obey he was looking at the wrong person. He said it wasn't like that at all and I'd been taking him the wrong way all night.

He sent a text saying we'd obviously suffered crossed wires all night and he was genuinely sorry if he'd caused offence.

I AM very hormonal at the moment and probably find offence in a bloody Disney film so was I put of order?? Do I owe HIM an apology?

OP posts:

SmellySphinx · 16/02/2017 10:19

Yeah you definitely took it all the wrong way. It would eventually become a little tiresome to me if these jokes were constant though. Why so defensive?

GetAHaircutCarl · 16/02/2017 10:20

The Whitby thing might have been a little harmless flirting. But monitoring what you eat and drink - just no.

KissesOnKittens · 16/02/2017 10:20

You sounded a bit nippy in your post tbh. But I can see why you said what you did. I think he was trying to be funny but he wasn't funny.

Henriefta007 · 16/02/2017 10:20

I think I'd have left after the popcorn AND coke comment so you did well to stick it out! He sounds awful.

DaphneDeLaFontaine · 16/02/2017 10:22

You sound very hard work.

I'm the same when I'm premenstrual.

gleam · 16/02/2017 10:22

I don't think you were out of order. Who made him the Food Police?

BaconMaker · 16/02/2017 10:22

YANBU about the food comments that would really annoy me, even if he did mean it innocently it's a good thing that someone points out to him that it's inappropriate. I would have probably found the whitby comment irritating too in light of his previous comments. It's possible he meant it nicely - but I'm not surprised you didn't give him the benefit of the doubt after his last comments.

BitchPeas · 16/02/2017 10:22

Maybe I'm hormoanlly unreasonable too but I would have taken it the same as you. They both would have really annoyed me!

ElderDruid · 16/02/2017 10:23

I think YABU - if you genuinely want this to go somewhere you've got to apologise. I get the whole independent woman, will do things on my own terms 'thing' but if someone said to me, 'Bla, bla, might take you to Whitby!' the response would be, 'Oh that would be lovely, would love to show this and that.

I don't think he was being condescending, about the pop corn and Coke I might have smiled and said 'I can have a cheat night once in a while, can't I?' You didn't need to bite his head off.

xStefx · 16/02/2017 10:23

To be Honest the " one or the other greedy guts" would have pissed me off, but he may be a little nervous and clumsy about what he is saying cos he likes you.
If your not sure you could always try one more date , you have warned him.
However he may be one of those types that constantly makes little annoying jokes to be funny and although they are plenty of people's cup of tea - not mine.
My ex used to say " ooh that cooled my core " everytime ( every bloody time) he drank a glass of water , no harm but fuck did it get on my nerves after 4 years lol xx

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 16/02/2017 10:25

He shouldn't of said about the popcorn and Coke but cinema prices are ridiculous and I'm often outraged by the price of popcorn so maybe he's like me?

You took the Whitby comment the wrong way, nothing wrong with saying if you play your cards right and a cheeky wink! Me and dh have been married 19 years and I still say well if you play your right I might treat you to x and give the cheeky wink

Guitargirl · 16/02/2017 10:25

Both of those comments would have annoyed me but I would probably have just rolled my eyes and made a mental note not to see him again. I don't think you sound very compatible.

gleam · 16/02/2017 10:25

I don't see the Whitby thing as harmless either. 'Play your cards right' ie, do what I want you to and I might take you there as a reward. You little woman, who can't make it to Whitby all by yourself. It's Whitby, not the fucking Moon.

Coastalcommand · 16/02/2017 10:26

YANBU - he was weird. Who could eat a bucket of popcorn and not need a drink? And yes, who needs a man to take them anywhere! What a loser. You are well rid.

FatCatFaces · 16/02/2017 10:26

Well, you do sound a bit defensive...

I don't know whether you owe him an apology but you should perhaps not see each other again. You say there were niggles on date 2. Maybe you were actively looking for problems on date 3? Or maybe he's a knob.

Coralfish · 16/02/2017 10:27

I would have made the same comment re: the Whitby thing even without the horrific popcorn/coke thing. I probably wouldn't have snapped but said it jokily, but if I didn't get at least an acknowledgement that yes it was a sexist thing to say there would be no next date. That said, after the popcorn thing I probably wouldn't have gone for a drink afterwards...

namechange20050 · 16/02/2017 10:27

He was just joking about the food. He was trying to make light conversation. You sound like hard work.

lifetothefull · 16/02/2017 10:27

If you don't like him, don't go out with him. Best to stop now. However, if you do like him, the things you have mentioned, could be put down to nerves / having always been told by someone else that it's greedy to have both / not really knowing you yet / you being hormonal / thinking he's being lighthearted. If you think he is worth persevering with, apologise.

Somerville · 16/02/2017 10:27

Him banging on about your popcorn and coke was rude and unnecessary. The Whitby thing doesn't sound rude to me.

I think your mistake here was not listening to the niggles on second date TBH.

Just send a polite reply about not being well suited to each other then block and move on.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 16/02/2017 10:27

The food comments would have pissed me off but the Whitby comments were perfectly.harmless (agree he was trying to flirt). He apologised which counts for something as many men would not. I'd probably give him another chance but any more comments about what you eat and I'd tell him to get stuffed.

Pinkheart5915 · 16/02/2017 10:27

The popcorn and Coke comment maybe he meant it more about the prices at the cinema, what they charge for popcorn should be illegal!

The Whitby comment you took the wrong way I see nothing with if you play your cards right and a cheeky wink. Me & dh say it too each other, like at the minute dh wants to go to Iceland so I said well if your a good husband and play your cards right I might take you.

MPerspective · 16/02/2017 10:28

Yes.

abbsisspartacus · 16/02/2017 10:28

I would have snapped at the greedyguts comment but the play your cards right comment? I would have thrown it back with a play your cards right and I might take you

BarbarianMum · 16/02/2017 10:30

You sound really badly suited. Move on and find someone else for both your sales.

SabineUndine · 16/02/2017 10:30

He sounds controlling to me, OP. What's it got to do with him what you eat and drink? And why would he be dangling a trip somewhere in front of you as a favour?

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