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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have snapped at 'date'?

343 replies

Karceys · 16/02/2017 10:15

So 3rd date on Tuesday.

First date was fine. Second date there was a couple of niggles but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Third date - Tuesday I snapped at him and not sure whether I should feel guilty or not!

First thing was we were in the cinema and after sorting tickets out I told him I was popping across to the snacks counter as I fancied popcorn and a coke. He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled. 😳 So I said "umm no, I want both, sorry!" And went off to but what I wanted but I was livid. How patronising!! He then came across and said "I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!" So I said "yes but I can afford it. It's not like I do it every night is it!" So he said "well i wouldn't spend so much on sweets, you have to think of your health too ... " 😲😲😲 I replied that my health was fine and I don't need monitoring thanks - he apologised and said he meant nothing by it so I said "well you're coming across a little rude and bossy." He apologised again and I told him it was fine and we went on to see the film.

Afterwards we went for a drink. During chat I mentioned that I love Whitby so he said "well, play your cards right and I might take you there in summer!". By this point I was already on a hair trigger so (and this is where I feel a bit guilty!) I laughed and said "I don't need to play my cards right with anyone! If I want to go somewhere I'll go!". He then made a "oooo!" And laughed.

I then told him that he'd come across as being rather controlling and bossy all evening and if he was looking for someone who would obey he was looking at the wrong person. He said it wasn't like that at all and I'd been taking him the wrong way all night.

He sent a text saying we'd obviously suffered crossed wires all night and he was genuinely sorry if he'd caused offence.

I AM very hormonal at the moment and probably find offence in a bloody Disney film so was I put of order?? Do I owe HIM an apology?

OP posts:
TheCakes · 16/02/2017 10:46

I think in the early days you shouldn't ignore little things that jar, because they only get bigger and more annoying the more you get to know someone.
Up to you whether you want someone who doesn't have the same approach to food and drink at the cinema as you - but bear in mind it will spill out into restaurants, shopping and spending in general.
How keen are you on him?

llangennith · 16/02/2017 10:46

YANBU. He definitely wasn't the right person for you. Maybe some people like 'jokey' people. It'd definitely annoy me to the point of wanting to say, "Why don't you just stop the snide remarks and act like a grown up? You are not funny."

ComicSans · 16/02/2017 10:46

You're not remotely 'hard work', OP. He sounds like a terrible bore, if this is his idea of what conversation consists of - fussy food monitoring and what sounds like a clumsy, (probably unconsciously) sexist assumption that women 'play their cards right' in order to get treated to something. Also pretty presumptuous to assume you would want to make longterm plans for a trip on a third date that even a novice should notice is not going all that well.

He sounds terminally unattractive. Go off to Whitby and shag a Goth. Grin

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 10:48

ALWAYS listen to the niggles. You don't need to justify what you eat with shite like 'I can cheat'. Again, I had an ex who started in like this. Just 'banter', 'joking', 'flirting.' Bollocks. It's twat behaviour designed to make you doubt yourself (Aw, give him another chance, he didn't mean it like that) and wear you down.

FUCK THAT.

amidawsh · 16/02/2017 10:48

move on.
YANBU

amusedbush · 16/02/2017 10:48

It sounds like the Whitby thing was taken badly but I'm not surprised, he'd obviously gotten your back up earlier in the date.

The food comments would have pissed me off so much I can't say I wouldn't have left there and then. Who the fuck is he calling a greedy guts?? Rude and overbearing.

FatCatFaces · 16/02/2017 10:48

I had an ex who commented on how much cheese I was eating once. In front of his family. They were Hmm I was Hmm (for reference I wasn't chowing down on a full block of cheddar). I think it was the first time I met them.

I pretty much told him get fucked. He didn't mention it again. He did turn out to be a cheating knob head. I'm not sure if the two were connected.

I'm now married to someone who would never pass comment on my cheese consumption.

FYI next time get some malteasers too. Malteasers and popcorn in the same mouthful is the cinema food of Gods.

Lesley1980 · 16/02/2017 10:49

I would make comments to my now husband about splashing the cash buying hotdog & coke. If he was going really crazy he would buy coke, hotdog & sweets. I thought it was harmless poke at the crazy prices rather than a patronising comment about his ability to afford crap overpriced food.

He was saying stupid things but I think you were over the top. Call it quits. I don't think either of you get each other.

MrsDustyBusty · 16/02/2017 10:50

Greedy guts = harmless poke at prices?

How hard are you squinting to overlook how rude he was?

Jaxhog · 16/02/2017 10:51

Ugh! I would have left after the 'greedy guts' comment, or probably stayed for the film. I would have said thank you politely and then gone home, not had a drink with him. No more dates with him. Very rude.

Lilacpink40 · 16/02/2017 10:51

See this is humour "Malteasers and popcorn in the same mouthful is the cinema food of Gods" Grin

What he said was judgmental. I'd move on.

amidawsh · 16/02/2017 10:52

he thinks he's better than you.
honestly run for the hills.

Kirriemuir · 16/02/2017 10:52

Food comments would have grated on me. You took the Whitby comments the wrong way though.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/02/2017 10:53

He was being a knob and controlling about the food. Had he not made those remarks, you may have let the Whitby comment slide, whilst still being annoyed (?) He wouldn't be a keeper for me. Have had a controlling XH and it doesn't get any better. They up the ante later, so more Red Flags than the Chinese Army for me...

CatThiefKeith · 16/02/2017 10:54

YANBU unreasonable OP. I'd bet a large bucket of popcorn that if you continue to see him he will turn out to be controlling at best, if not outright abusive.

Expat is bang on with this statement: Reading some of the replies on this thread, I can see why there are SO many women married to twats on the relationship board.

I am amazed how many posters think YOU are the one in the wrong here. Confused

Bear2014 · 16/02/2017 10:54

All sounds like a bit of a red flag to me. I'd just cut my losses and move on. If he's that penny-pinching and joyless on a 3rd date can you imagine what he'd be like years down the line?!

Doesn't sound like you enjoy his company all that much.

Brankolium · 16/02/2017 10:54

Each thing on it's own could easily be clumsy flirting (as others have said).

All together suggests it's at best his style, at worst controlling. And if it already irritates you to the point of snapping on date three you're just not compatible.

Tootsiepops · 16/02/2017 10:55

The date would not have progressed beyond the 'greedy guts' comment. Rude, intensely personal and designed to put you in your place.

Tatteredlace · 16/02/2017 10:55

Wow... I don't think I would have taken offence at any of that Confused I genuinely think the guy was just making nervous conversation!? Poor guy. And he apologised to you?

Bantanddec · 16/02/2017 10:55

Omg it's the snack police! Calling you greedy and unhealthy us uncalled for, like pp have said it sounds controlling.

HecateAntaia · 16/02/2017 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 10:57

The Whitby comment was okay? Seriously, I can now see why people wind up shackled to twats. It's a version of 'be a girl girl and get a reward.' Someone says they like a place, Whitby, Blackpool, London, Scunthorpe, whatever. And that's what you come out with? Not, 'Really? Never been there myself, what's it like?' Or, 'Me, too! Love X, Y, Z place! Have you been to that spot?' 'No.' 'Aw, well, when we get to Whitby it would be nice to show it to you. How about you, what's your favourite place there?'

Original poster
Karceys · 16/02/2017 10:58

"I can have a cheat night once in a while can't I?".

I cringed when I read this. Sorry but choosing to eat a specific food item is not "cheating" and I certainly don't need permission to eat certain items!

What is it with so many women thinking they need to justify what the eat? I certainly don't. My health and weight is absolutely spot on. I know how to look after myself. I don't need a penis owner to educate and monitor me.

I feel even more irritable now! "Cheat day'?! What's cheating about it? Who or what are we cheating exactly??

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 16/02/2017 10:59

I genuinely think the guy was just making nervous conversation!? Poor guy. And he apologised to you?

Who can honest say they don't call people greedy when they're nervous and on dates?

Most people, I should think.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 16/02/2017 10:59

expat ... I totlly get you. If I wanted to go to Whitby (again) I'd go there. No need to wait for a reward from a man for being a good girl (giggle).