To have snapped at 'date'?

[Karceys]

So 3rd date on Tuesday.

First date was fine. Second date there was a couple of niggles but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Third date - Tuesday I snapped at him and not sure whether I should feel guilty or not!

First thing was we were in the cinema and after sorting tickets out I told him I was popping across to the snacks counter as I fancied popcorn and a coke. He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled. 😳 So I said "umm no, I want both, sorry!" And went off to but what I wanted but I was livid. How patronising!! He then came across and said "I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!" So I said "yes but I can afford it. It's not like I do it every night is it!" So he said "well i wouldn't spend so much on sweets, you have to think of your health too ... " 😲😲😲 I replied that my health was fine and I don't need monitoring thanks - he apologised and said he meant nothing by it so I said "well you're coming across a little rude and bossy." He apologised again and I told him it was fine and we went on to see the film.

Afterwards we went for a drink. During chat I mentioned that I love Whitby so he said "well, play your cards right and I might take you there in summer!". By this point I was already on a hair trigger so (and this is where I feel a bit guilty!) I laughed and said "I don't need to play my cards right with anyone! If I want to go somewhere I'll go!". He then made a "oooo!" And laughed.

I then told him that he'd come across as being rather controlling and bossy all evening and if he was looking for someone who would obey he was looking at the wrong person. He said it wasn't like that at all and I'd been taking him the wrong way all night.

He sent a text saying we'd obviously suffered crossed wires all night and he was genuinely sorry if he'd caused offence.

I AM very hormonal at the moment and probably find offence in a bloody Disney film so was I put of order?? Do I owe HIM an apology?

'It never ceases to amaze me how women are expected to accept so little from men and put up with so much. I went on a date a few years back with a man who constantly interrupted me and made a few racist remarks over the course of the evening. I still had friends say "aww, he was nervous! Give him another chance!" hmm'

Yep. You see it all the time on here. And women in shit relationships with arseholes.

Completely with you expat on everything.

I'm gobsmacked at the amount of replies defending this guy's behaviour and saying the OP is the one in the wrong. Wtf is the world coming to? If they feel it's acceptable to accept that kind of treatment in a relationship then good luck to them.

OP, if you were getting nachos, a foot long hotdog and pick and mix and paying for it all yourself it would still be nobody else's fucking business. Certainly not someone that you rightly say doesn't know you and surely should be making a good impression.

Good for you for not taking it though.

Maybe he used to have a girlfriend who would fly into rages after reading to much Feminist Literature and throw popcorn at him, while recklessly glugging actual dirty Coke while burning her bra and screaming "death to the patriarchy!)

That phase in my life cost me a fortune in bras :) ;)

Is there a club for that kind of behaviour? Can I join?

You've got to ask yourself, do you like him? If you don't then don't bother about it and move on, but if you do then tell him why you were so bothered about the comments. If he likes you he won't say similar things again. Dating is a learning experience on both sides. Good luck, dating has never been easy.

Maybe he used to have a girlfriend who would fly into rages after reading to much Feminist Literature and throw popcorn at him, while recklessly glugging actual dirty Coke while burning her bra and screaming "death to the patriarchy!)

I don't burn my bras much any more as they cost too much, but the rest sounds just like my life. With a bit of cake thrown in.

Clearly not compatible. He made a comment - he thought it was funny - you didn't. Either you fancy the pants off him, respect him, like him and "get" him - or you don't.

No need to do a whole thread on it. He may well be thinking the same.

And if you do like him, why is your self-esteem so shite that you'd fancy someone who calls you 'greedy guts' and criticises and meddles with what you eat?

Also, what people say to each other when dating or flirting is usually mutually acceptable and "exclusive". It's those elements of private language, in-joking, pet-names and pretend roles that create the sort of exclusivity that marks out that relationship as different from the relationships that you have with everyone else.

In this case it clearly didn't work - and that is a early sign that the relationship probably won't go very much further.

If any of us baldly stated some of the exchanges we had with close friends or sexual partners they wouldn't bear much analysis in the cold light of day.

That is not the same as accepting controlling or bullying or any of the other crap from anyone. Only the OP was there. Only the OP knows whether it was likely to be one or the other.

I didn't say she couldn't do a thread. What I said was there was no need to - she should be able to tell whether she likes him or not without debating it with MN. The likelihood is that if someone has to ask MN whether to go on another date or not she already knows the answer.

Fucks sake, this thread is so depressing.

It's so sad that so many women think behaviour like this is ok, or because the guy was nervous (bless him), or on the spectrum , or that the OP must have been uptight and hard work.

I mean, Jesus. Why can't it possibly just be because the guy's just a fucking twat.

It never ceases to amaze me how women are expected to accept so little from men and put up with so much

This. How on earth is the OP hard work? Hard work because she doesn't want to be called "greedy guts"? Because she doesn't want someone commenting on her food choices and telling her she's spending too much of her own money? Because she doesn't like the assumption that if she's a good girl a man will take her somewhere that in actual fact she can find her way to on her own?

If that's hard work then we should all be hard work. What's the alternative? Accepting next to nothing as if that's all we're worth? Nope. I'll stick to being hard work, thanks, if that's what it is.

The food comments would have totally pissed me off. The Whitby one probably wouldn't have registered but after the previous comments, it may have added to my annoyance.

I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt though and just see how it goes and any more then that would be it. People are allowed to make mistakes.

YANBU . Surprised so many defending him . He sounds a bit tight and mean of spirit. Enough indicators there to tell me no way . Play your cards right ... what fucking decade is it ??

I can't see this working out. I would've been irritated by everything you described too.

Yanbu. The greedy guts comment followed swiftly by trying to guilt you about your health was the sign of an insecure and I'll mannered person. No third date for me either.

Yanbu I would have told him to fuck off after the first comment