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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have snapped at 'date'?

343 replies

Karceys · 16/02/2017 10:15

So 3rd date on Tuesday.

First date was fine. Second date there was a couple of niggles but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Third date - Tuesday I snapped at him and not sure whether I should feel guilty or not!

First thing was we were in the cinema and after sorting tickets out I told him I was popping across to the snacks counter as I fancied popcorn and a coke. He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled. 😳 So I said "umm no, I want both, sorry!" And went off to but what I wanted but I was livid. How patronising!! He then came across and said "I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!" So I said "yes but I can afford it. It's not like I do it every night is it!" So he said "well i wouldn't spend so much on sweets, you have to think of your health too ... " 😲😲😲 I replied that my health was fine and I don't need monitoring thanks - he apologised and said he meant nothing by it so I said "well you're coming across a little rude and bossy." He apologised again and I told him it was fine and we went on to see the film.

Afterwards we went for a drink. During chat I mentioned that I love Whitby so he said "well, play your cards right and I might take you there in summer!". By this point I was already on a hair trigger so (and this is where I feel a bit guilty!) I laughed and said "I don't need to play my cards right with anyone! If I want to go somewhere I'll go!". He then made a "oooo!" And laughed.

I then told him that he'd come across as being rather controlling and bossy all evening and if he was looking for someone who would obey he was looking at the wrong person. He said it wasn't like that at all and I'd been taking him the wrong way all night.

He sent a text saying we'd obviously suffered crossed wires all night and he was genuinely sorry if he'd caused offence.

I AM very hormonal at the moment and probably find offence in a bloody Disney film so was I put of order?? Do I owe HIM an apology?

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 16/02/2017 21:09

I went out with a guy who'd say stuff like this. I liked him but god he made me cringe. We were not well suited but i guess both lonely. Broke up and i met an amazing guy! Move on.

FilmaWlintstone · 16/02/2017 21:11

Missing the point of the thread slightly but I can't imagine going to buy snacks whilst out with someone else and not offering to get the other person some

F1GI · 16/02/2017 21:13

I'd just give up. Why did you continue to discuss anything via text - it's the end as you two are jarring.

Anyway. Whitby=clumsy. The food thing, rude and weird IMO but I would have just walked away rather than getting into any kind of discussion.

NoFucksImAQueen · 16/02/2017 21:19

What total said.
That's exactly as I read it too

hungryhippo90 · 16/02/2017 23:00

Will Whitby become the new Maui? You both sound a bit odd tbh.
He sounds a bit odd about the greedy guts thing, who can have popcorn without a drink? I'm here dehydrating just thinking about it!

But you sound quite uptight, are you uptight or do you just find him annoying in general?

MotherofA · 16/02/2017 23:14

I would have reacted exactly the same omg I am an adult do not preach to me about food etc haha . If he tells you about your health and spending money on snacks at the cinema on a third date what is he like after 3 months or years ??? No way ...

steff13 · 16/02/2017 23:23

I've never heard the phrase "greedy guts," before, but yuck. I wouldn't continue with anyone who commented on what I was eating. It's just rude, and a pet peeve of mine.

MotherofA · 16/02/2017 23:24

Hahaha I have just read through some of the responses laughing my head off !
OP I love your responses and cannot believe how many women think that him speaking to you in that way was acceptable . I went on dates with guys like this and when I dropped them they turned very nasty hence showing true colours .... I was howling at the "cheat day" couldn't agree more .

Kookypants · 16/02/2017 23:37

Whitby is like a waiting room for the dead, and I don't mean the goths. Greedy guts? Feck that.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 17/02/2017 00:55

1,800,000,000 bottles sold a day

Is that true? all that plastic!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/02/2017 00:57

I can't believe the number of posters thinking that his comments were reasonable, that the OP is 'hard work' and that her responses and texts were out of line. Seriously? I think I have just figured out why there are so many AIBUs and relationship threads about women stuck in relationships with controlling creeps ... they don't read the early red flags, they think that any form of standing up for oneself is being 'hard work' and they accept bad behaviour from the get-go. Good on you OP for sending this one on his merry way.

DixieNormas · 17/02/2017 01:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperBeagle · 17/02/2017 01:55

The food and drink thing would've bothered me but I would've just made one "shut your mouth" comment and left it.

The rest is you overreacting.

ElvishArchdruid · 17/02/2017 01:57

I don't get why this is carrying on, surely OP had niggles with second date, 3rd to me sounded like a disaster. No 4th date.

Why over analyse what he said.

I'm a feminist, but I don't do confrontation so rather than snapping I would have been jokey. We're all different, I'm not saying my approach is the right one.

Trifleorbust · 17/02/2017 06:17

Greedy guts!? On a third date?!

Penhacked · 17/02/2017 07:26

Nope. I'm with you OP. Both things would have got my back up and especially the food stuff is waaay out of line.

Trifleorbust · 17/02/2017 07:33

You don't reprove people you have just fucking met. I wouldn't comment on someone's eating habits having known them 20 years, but to imagine that a third date is an appropriate point at which to start giving dietary advice is bloody shocking.

I think he was 'gaming' you, OP. He's been reading some MRA bollocks on the Internet and has decided to try a bit of 'negging'. Jerk.

Screwinthetuna · 17/02/2017 07:39

The comment about the food would piss me off a bit but not the flirty comment about Whitby.
You don't sound very well suited, tbh

hesterton · 17/02/2017 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 17/02/2017 08:01

'If you play your cards right...' was an in-joke between my ex and me.

A woman once said it to him on a first date, as in 'if you play your cards right, I'll let you come home with me.' He lost all attraction for her from that moment.

So whenever I wasn't in the mood, I'd say 'well, if you play your cards right...'

Also, I cannot STAND people commenting on my food intake. Loath it. So I'm firmly in your corner, OP.

Cocopopsrule · 17/02/2017 08:07

Ha. I went to the cinema on a date and had popcorn and the only comment the bloke made about popcorn was when I missed my mouth and dropped it down inside my blouse. He politely asked if he should retrieve it for me. I laughed lile a drain

OP you're not suited if he gets on your nerves already.

BaDumShh · 17/02/2017 09:17

It never ceases to amaze me how women are expected to accept so little from men and put up with so much. I went on a date a few years back with a man who constantly interrupted me and made a few racist remarks over the course of the evening. I still had friends say "aww, he was nervous! Give him another chance!"

flumpybear · 17/02/2017 09:32

Greedy guts!!!! Seriously!!!! I would have firstly been mortified, secondly I'd have bought large!!! Cheeky fucker!! Cinema is a treat, you were on an early date he should be showering you in treats !!!

My friend just said I'd have told him 'I'm having sweets too fuck face ... what do you think about that then!! .... and nachos .... and a fucking hot DOG!!!! ......'

She really would have done too lol I've known her long enough!!!

Trills · 17/02/2017 09:50

I don't think you sound like hard work.

There may be plenty of women who would enjoy his little jokes and think them harmless.

They are welcome to him.

Trills · 17/02/2017 10:03

The suggestion that he might be on the spectrum is
1 - insulting to people who are, and do not persist in calling people greedy and fat
2 - irrelevant

In the context of dating, it does not matter what the cause is of someone's behaviour. It only matters if you like that behaviour.

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