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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have snapped at 'date'?

343 replies

Karceys · 16/02/2017 10:15

So 3rd date on Tuesday.

First date was fine. Second date there was a couple of niggles but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Third date - Tuesday I snapped at him and not sure whether I should feel guilty or not!

First thing was we were in the cinema and after sorting tickets out I told him I was popping across to the snacks counter as I fancied popcorn and a coke. He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled. 😳 So I said "umm no, I want both, sorry!" And went off to but what I wanted but I was livid. How patronising!! He then came across and said "I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!" So I said "yes but I can afford it. It's not like I do it every night is it!" So he said "well i wouldn't spend so much on sweets, you have to think of your health too ... " 😲😲😲 I replied that my health was fine and I don't need monitoring thanks - he apologised and said he meant nothing by it so I said "well you're coming across a little rude and bossy." He apologised again and I told him it was fine and we went on to see the film.

Afterwards we went for a drink. During chat I mentioned that I love Whitby so he said "well, play your cards right and I might take you there in summer!". By this point I was already on a hair trigger so (and this is where I feel a bit guilty!) I laughed and said "I don't need to play my cards right with anyone! If I want to go somewhere I'll go!". He then made a "oooo!" And laughed.

I then told him that he'd come across as being rather controlling and bossy all evening and if he was looking for someone who would obey he was looking at the wrong person. He said it wasn't like that at all and I'd been taking him the wrong way all night.

He sent a text saying we'd obviously suffered crossed wires all night and he was genuinely sorry if he'd caused offence.

I AM very hormonal at the moment and probably find offence in a bloody Disney film so was I put of order?? Do I owe HIM an apology?

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/02/2017 11:17

Move on Karceys, he's already grating, as he relaxes, he'll only get worse.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/02/2017 11:17

The second time, not tooooo bad, you were possibly a bit snappy. But the first incident, what a dickhead, 'greedy guts?! He can fuck right off.

Olympiathequeen · 16/02/2017 11:18

I'd give him a couple more dates when you are not hormonal and don't pick him up on any similar comments to see how far he goes with it. If it's a genuine trend (which I suspect it is) then dump.

PerryCoxHair · 16/02/2017 11:18

"Greedy guts" was rude. I can't imagine saying that.

OP what were the niggles on the second date?

zambean · 16/02/2017 11:19

If someone had made those comments about food to me, I wouldn't have stuck around for the rest of the date. I would have been livid, and yeah, pretty damn prickly, so while I think you might have overreacted to the Whitby comment, it's understandable given the earlier food comments.

Anyway in these kinds of situations I think you should trust your instincts. Women are always second guessing ourselves and telling ourselves we were n the wrong, but your instincts are telling you this guy is controlling and bossy, and on the basis of those comments about the popcorn, I'm inclined to agree. My spidey senses are tingling. If it were me, I wouldn't see him again.

ImperialBlether · 16/02/2017 11:19

If someone called me greedy five minutes into a first date, I wouldn't hang around to see whether he would always be a knob.

Original poster
Karceys · 16/02/2017 11:20

I sent him a text saying

Hi, I was offended yes, I am able to monitor my own food and drink intake and I've done so very well for years, i really don't appreciate being told what I should and shouldn't be eating, especially as you barely know me.

OP posts:
TheresAGhostYouFools · 16/02/2017 11:20

Jesus, the moment he came out with the 'greedy guts' comment I would have turned to the person at the food counter and said, "and a large bag of Revels too please"
Life's too short, bin him and move on.
Also can't believe the people saying you're 'hard work' - well if being hard work means not tolerating rudeness and controlling behaviour, count me right in.

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 16/02/2017 11:21

the Whitby comment sounded ok.

but the popcorn and coke comment? first he comments on what you can eat and then he comments on the price?

fuck that nasty shit, get out now!!

MrsDustyBusty · 16/02/2017 11:21

I'd give him a couple more dates when you are not hormonal and don't pick him up on any similar comments to see how far he goes with it. If it's a genuine trend (which I suspect it is) then dump.

Why? I mean, what's to be gained by impassively listening to yourself being called greedy guts? To check if he moves on to fatso? And why base it obviously whether you're hormonal? Do you think that you'd be more neutral about that kind of shocking rudeness if you weren't a slave to your womanly feelings?

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 16/02/2017 11:22

Jesus, the moment he came out with the 'greedy guts' comment I would have turned to the person at the food counter and said, "and a large bag of Revels too please"

Grin This.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 11:23

'Move on Karceys, he's already grating, as he relaxes, he'll only get worse.'

Yes, this is him on his best behaviour. He tried it on with the food three times. He apologised, then did it again.

ItsThatBeverleyMacca · 16/02/2017 11:23

YANBU. The food comments would have put me right off and the Whitby comment made me cringe a bit somehow...I can't put my finger on exactly why but it did. I don't think I'd be seeing him again. If you go to Whitby you'll probably want to eat the lush fish and chips and ice cream they have there and who knows what comments he'd come out with then 😒

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 16/02/2017 11:24

"Greedy guts"? OP, you were the model of restraint and politeness in the face of deliberate and nasty "negging". And while pre-menstrual. I salute you.

Dump the mother fucker already.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 11:26

Karceys just send another text, 'It's time for both of us to move on.' STOP engaging with this. Just don't. He thinks it's fine to control people with rude comments like this. He won't change. Move on.

UnbornMortificado · 16/02/2017 11:26

I'd of been tempted to tip the Coke over is head, if I didn't want to drink it of course.

Some women set the bar so low its really sad.

vinoandbrie · 16/02/2017 11:27

He sounds awful, don't see him again!

pinkish · 16/02/2017 11:27

People often make twattish jokes when they are a bit nervous. I'd cringe at both comments but wouldn't have sent your text. Now you have, I guess that's it.

Avoid dates when you are hormonal maybe?

BoboChic · 16/02/2017 11:28

You are clearly not made for one another.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/02/2017 11:29

Greedy guts and trying to control your food is rude and the money aspect of that too. I agree with the other poster who said to beware of him penny pinching on that aspect!

I had a friend/acquaintance who would always do the "3 date rule" with new men, eg if it wasn't working after 3 days she'd ditch them.

In this case her advice (don't think it's right or wrong necessarily) is sound.

You don't need to justify your behaviour to anyone, hormones ok, yes apologise if you were a bit off with him but sounds like he's a bit of a wind up merchant. I would not see him again!

S1lentAllTheseYears · 16/02/2017 11:29

He then acted shocked and said "popcorn AND coke? Should be one or the other greedy guts!" and smiled

I'm surprised you're getting both, they cost a fortune!

Patronising, controlling and a tight wad - lovely!

I could live with the Whitby thing as long as it was said in a jokey way but I would have already decided to dump his ass after the food comments so would have been a woman on the on edge, hormonal or not!

He has apologised first which is decent of him so I might cut him some slack and apologise for being grumpy BUT also tell him I didn't see the relationship working out so it was better if we went our separate ways!

BastardGoDarkly · 16/02/2017 11:30

Hormonal or not, he sounds a gigantic dick, what's his excuse?

I couldn't be arsed with any more benefit of doubts.

stitchglitched · 16/02/2017 11:30

Laughing at the camel comment.

Of course YANBU, he sounds like a pain in the arse. You have good boundaries OP, unlike some posters on here falling over themselves to make excuses for this guy. As for 'I'm allowed a cheat day once in a while', just urghh.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 11:31

'People often make twattish jokes when they are a bit nervous. '

They do when they're twats, especially when someone tells them how offensive they're being and they still carry on with such 'jokes' and comments.

Avoid blaming your 'hormones' for things, OP.

Funnyonion17 · 16/02/2017 11:31

Wow your reaction! Maybe you snapped a lot due to not liking him hmm. He was probably just nervous and babbling shit. Do you normally react so defensively, or was it just because you wasn't feeling it?