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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit much at some one else's house

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 14/02/2017 12:12

Posted on here for traffic really but if I'm bu I'm prepared to be told

When do children show a preference to learning styles?

Dds 2.5 and we had some friends over yesterday around the same age we've been friends since dcs we're 6 months old and get on well.

I went to pop the dcs lunch out and a friend agreed to keep and eye on my dd no problem.

I went back into the living room 5 mins later and friends dc had literally taken everything out and was throwing it around the room much to the 😱 Of the other who were there trying to protect their dcs from flying toys.

When I said "wow looks like you guys have had fun! Shall we choose one toy to keep out and pop the rest away?" His mom said he's a kinaesthetic learner and she won't stop him making a mess???

So my question is aibu to think this friend just being lazy or is this a thing?

Incidentally when she left after lunch she didn't clear up and the house was carnage

OP posts:
namechange20050 · 14/02/2017 12:16

Bonkers. In their own house, whatever. In someone else's house it doesn't matter what old nonsense the mother believes in, that is outrageously rude!

Niloufes · 14/02/2017 12:16

Your house, your rules. However a bit of mess is no real issue. Everyone should have helped tidy up before they left really.

originalbiglymavis · 14/02/2017 12:18

Well my sister did say that a child emptying the bin on the floor was just exploring gravity. Granted she has been teaching little kids for almost 40 years in California!

Everyone has to tidy up though (there's even a song...)

Tinkerbec · 14/02/2017 12:19

My dd was spirited too. However I would have told her to not be destructive and of course tidied up!

MrsTarzan1 · 14/02/2017 12:20

I hate this, entitled parenting at it's worst!

YANBU

BaymaxismyHero · 14/02/2017 12:20

Sounds made up Wink
Definitely lazy, maybe not clean up when they're playing but definitely should have helped before leaving.

EveningShadows · 14/02/2017 12:21

She's a lazy mother who's going to bring up a badly behaved child whom she will make excuses for every step of the way. Joy.

originalbiglymavis · 14/02/2017 12:22

If the child isn't taught to be tidy and considerate now, when exactly will they begin to not leave a trail of mess and destruction behind them?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/02/2017 12:22

He, the child, might well be a kinesetic learner. But she, the parent, is definitely rude and lazy.

I can't imagine my child making a mess and expecting someone else to clear it up!

BetweenTwoLungs · 14/02/2017 12:24

She might want to do a bit of research about learning styles... the idea that people or children learn best in one particular way has been entirely debunked! Very outdated.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/02/2017 12:25

I wouldn't invite her and her dc over again until she's learned some manners. I would not let my child cause mess in someone's house and walk out without tidying.
She sounds lazy.

llangennith · 14/02/2017 12:25

Don't invite her to your next get-together. She'll soon get the hint.
Bonkers!

JustSpeakSense · 14/02/2017 12:27

Your friend is a dick, she's using kinesetic learning as an excuse to let her child go feral.

I'd not be inviting them back.

JennyOnAPlate · 14/02/2017 12:28

That's fucking hilarious op, what a twat! (Her not you)

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 14/02/2017 12:29

for the record I don't mind a spot of mess in the name of fun and games but get ds wasn't actually playing with anything just throwing it around am deathly making a mess, at one point he sat on his mums lap and was throwing threading beads around the room

OP posts:
bikingintherain · 14/02/2017 12:31

For what it's worth learning styles are not shown to improve learning. A child might have a preferred learning style, but in the majority of children it makes no difference if you teach them in another style or their preferred style.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/02/2017 12:33

Ha ha ha what a laugh. At 2.5 yrs, children can be taught not to throw toys and to have a basic awareness of those around them (who are at risk of getting whacked in the head!)

At a toddler group once I was stopping my son putting his hands into the paint pot and smearing it on the table. The leader stopped me and said my son was exploring through sensory play Confused

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/02/2017 12:34

Actually 'learning styles' is old hat these days. The concept has been pretty much debunked. No, too lazy for a citation. Do an internet search.

MTB1003 · 14/02/2017 12:34

Yanbu, in someone else's home you keep your 'learning styles' to yourself. What a lazy, entitled woman that was. Teaching her child to have no respect for other people.

TheProblemOfSusan · 14/02/2017 12:37

Learning styles are bunk. Discredited on the whole - this isn't a proper citation but there is a good run down here: www.wired.com/2015/01/need-know-learning-styles-myth-two-minutes/.

He would learn to play nicely.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2017 12:38

She sounds weird but so do you and the other adults.

You really all sat there while toys were being thrown around the room, and you didn't make sure she helped tidy up before leaving? Confused

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 14/02/2017 12:42

Worral - would you really want a stand off in the middle of a get together? when the mother doesn't react to a gentle 😳 Do you continue to argue or click watch until they leave?

I was glad to see the back of them when they'd left I had no intention of prolonging her stay by asking her to clean up

OP posts:
archersfan22 · 14/02/2017 12:43

No 2.5yr old is going to be a read/write learner are they! So even if you believe learning styles they can't possibly be useful in children this young.
I do find that when toddlers go to a new house they are more likely to get all the toys out and scatter them around than in their own house, presumably because the toys are unfamiliar and so more exciting. But parents have always been v apologetic when it has happened in my house and always offered to tidy up. So parent should have dealt with it better.
A bit like many 2 year olds might hit/push etc when they don't get what they want, it doesn't mean I would take issue with them/their parent as long as the parent is making some effort to tell their child it's unacceptable, and not just smiling fondly at them.

bumsexatthebingo · 14/02/2017 12:43

Learning styles are bollocks if you look at the research. Kids generally learn best when information is presented in the most appropriate way to what you are teaching There are exceptions - kids with asd tend to take things in better when presented visually. But the whole 'he's a kinesthetic learner' business is a load of crock. Little Benedict isn't going to best learn his times tables through the medium of dance!
What she is probably talking about are schemas which are phases of play where kids do the same kind of thing over and over and it helps them learn. There are lots of different schemas - spinning, throwing, filling and emptying etc.
All well and good but NOT an excuse for trashing someones house. In your friends situation I would take some pom poms or other soft things to throw (and tidy up) or play with balls outside in the garden.

MTB1003 · 14/02/2017 12:44

I agree with Worra. Why didn't you say 'look at this mess'? Sorry but you've just given her permission to allow this everytime she comes over. You should have called her on it, and maybe she would have then been embarrassed enough to clean up

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