To think this is a bit much at some one else's house

[Nicpem1982]

Posted on here for traffic really but if I'm bu I'm prepared to be told

When do children show a preference to learning styles?

Dds 2.5 and we had some friends over yesterday around the same age we've been friends since dcs we're 6 months old and get on well.

I went to pop the dcs lunch out and a friend agreed to keep and eye on my dd no problem.

I went back into the living room 5 mins later and friends dc had literally taken everything out and was throwing it around the room much to the 😱 Of the other who were there trying to protect their dcs from flying toys.

When I said "wow looks like you guys have had fun! Shall we choose one toy to keep out and pop the rest away?" His mom said he's a kinaesthetic learner and she won't stop him making a mess???

So my question is aibu to think this friend just being lazy or is this a thing?

Incidentally when she left after lunch she didn't clear up and the house was carnage

[Nicpem1982]

Archers - this isn't a new house for her ds they've been coming regularly for 2 years.

[bumsexatthebingo]

And for what it's worth op I wouldn't have argued as if someone has said they won't stop their child making a mess I would doubt there would be any reasoning with them. There wouldn't be a repeat invitation to come and play though.

[Nicpem1982]

Mtb - I was glad for them to leave and not prolong the visit by insisting they clean up.

It took me over an hour to resort all of dds toys back into the appropriate baskets and to ensure that everything went back away as full sets

[FloorHugger]

This just reminds me immensely of one of my family members. Her kids are completely feral (and becoming obnoxious). Her DS was throwing things around and being quite destructive (in my house!!) and her comment was ' He is just engaging in meaningful play'.

The rest of us nearly bit our tongues off by holding it.

What's scary is that she is a reception teacher.

[FloorHugger]

There is a bit of a story there though....... she does not believe in using the word 'no' as it is damaging to self esteem, that sort of thing.

I am generally horses for courses and all that, but being told 'no' would do her kids the world of good on occasion.

[Nicpem1982]

Bumsex- I text our group last night and said that my dd didn't enjoy a huge group and would be hosting more intimate get togethers with the children who play similar to her indoors.

Have agreed that outdoor/large space venues would probably better suit her ds for now and I'm happy to go to the park or whatever with them or have 1:1 get togethers at their house where her ds environment is better suited to his learning style

[bumsexatthebingo]

Have they been coming around for 2 years and never made mess before? If they ask to come again I'd just tell her straight how long it took you to clean up last time and you'd prefer they met in the park/soft play in future.

[bumsexatthebingo]

Cross posted. Perfectly handled imo op. I can't imagine her child will be getting invited to anyone elses house either.

[Nicpem1982]

The mess has never been like this before we've done messy play - painting, flour, oats, rice etc but not trash the house iyswim

[bumsexatthebingo]

Feel sorry for the kid. Sounds like the parent has got a little info about something and run with it. But it will be her child missing out on playdates and getting into trouble for throwing hard things and hurting people/breaking stuff because he has no boundaries in place.

[Nicpem1982]

Floor - she's not into the word no at all, she's all time in and kind hands when her ds misbehaves.

[Lochan]

OP I would have ignored her and tidied up.

Floorhugger I have a friend who followed that style of parenting, you weren't allowed to say anything that wasn't positive to her children (no, naughty and don't were banned). She's never been able to find anyone willing to babysit them regularly and now that they are early teenagers they are difficult to say the least.

[RedDogsBeg]

I agree with Worra, I can't believe you didn't say anything at the time. If that had happened in my house I would have explained to the mother that either they play/behave in accordance with my house rules or leave.

[GloGirl]

I find this interesting because I have 2 children, the oldest of which is "hyper" and definitely the type to pull all the toys out and throw them around the room. My youngest will happily play with one toy, put it away when he was finished and get out another one.

There was no way in God's earth that one toy could have kept my eldest entertained in toddler years, he needed a lot of things he had a very short attention span. Of course I had strict expectations of him about being well behaved - which doesn't mean flinging things around like a mad man in other people's houses.

But, he definitely is a "kinaesthetic learner" which is a term I've never heard before. There was no way to teach him anything by investigating one thing in detail before moving on to the next, if you sat down to play with a toy with him he'd have run around the room 5 times, tried to get through 2 exits and climbed onto your head before you'd set up the pieces.

[Nicpem1982]

Red dog- I didn't want a standoff mid play date

[user1477282676]

My DD goes to school with a lot of children who've been brought up like this. We live in a town with a lot of new age types.

one of her friends aged EIGHT was gobsmacked the other day when I made them both clear up.

She said her Mum always does it.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I wouldn't have said anything either, Nicpem If people can't read a social situation and realise they are behaving rudely, then there's not much point confronting them. They'll always have an excuse.

You may as well bang your head against a wall.

[Nicpem1982]

My dd has been taught to tidy up and likes order. All of her toys have a home and me and dh encourage this.

[kingpin20]

She can parent however she wants. However, if her child is deliberately making a mess at someone elses house then she should not have allowed it and if she couldn't bring herself to stop her child behaving like that she should most certainly have cleared up the mess he made! I'd think twice before asking her round again. or better still, if you visit her house - take ice cream or loads of real messy food with you for all the kids and then sit back and relax.

[SalmonFajitas]

Quite a lot of my friends could be described as attachment parents/new age types but none would let their child mess up someone else's house. It's fine if they don't mind having all toys out at the same time - some kids love to flit from one thing to the next and there's no harm in it but you obviously can't create a huge mess in someone else's space.

[Mikethenight2good]

I have had this, whereby, kids come round, toys everywhere, parents go home. One set in particular, who came round when I just had DC2, and the kids trashed the place. I don't invite them round anymore. We meet up out at parks, farms etc.

[Nicpem1982]

King- she can absolutely parent how she wants. I just felt yesterday was a bit much tbh but I wasn't sure how much space I should give them and didn't want to be critical if suddenly my dd was going to start having a " learning style"

[WorraLiberty]

What are you going on about a stand-off for?

"Are you off then? OK can you hang on a mo and give me a hand with putting the toys back? Thanks"

Just normal human interaction. No 'stand-off' in sight.

[bumsexatthebingo]

What would have been the point trying to put toys away while the whirlwind child was still there making mess though?

[Nicpem1982]

Salmon - I dont mind them playing with dds toys and having them all out if they're being played with and enjoyed, it's the throwing around with mummy not saying anything